Beautiful Hangover
by MOTTAINAI
Summary: After the mission to protect Levei is over and the group has disbanded, Zack has finally become a Hero…just long enough to see himself become the villain. Not knowing why he's being hunted by Shinra, Zack enlists the help of his old friends to prove his innocence, and finds more trouble than he expected. (Sequel to "Wow, Fantastic Baby").
1. This is My Vacati--Mission!

**Chapter One: This is My Vacati-Mission!**

The halls of Shinra sit clean and sterile, soldiers roam the halls in single file, disturbed only by the slight buzz of passing gossip. What is the latest gossip one might ask? Here he comes now, always the talk of the odd soldier and fan-girl alike: Zack Fair.

Zack walks down the corridor with a bounce in his step, bringing with him a slightly louder buzz of conversation with each passing Third and Second Class soldier. He begins to signal a friendly wave to those he passes, but is returned with hostile stares, infantrymen left and right are stopping to gape at him.

"It's like they've never seen a hero before," Zack mumbles to himself, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

A bold Second Class steps out in front of him. "Zack Fair, stop right there."

"Sorry buddy, I don't have time for autographs, but feel free to join my fan club. I'm sure someone there can hook you up with one." Zack winks at the man and tries to continue past him.

"I need you to come with me." The second class soldier holds out a slip. "You're wanted for questioning and immediate arrest."

Zack is clearly taken aback; something's not right here. "Huh?" he says as he looks over the slip before dodging the Second Class who is now reaching out to grab him. Zack jogs out of the building, only slightly losing the happy bounce in his step, and vaults onto the roof. He looks down as soldiers swarm out of the headquarters in search of him. "Better get out of here… this isn't good."

The soldiers signal to each other, barking orders. "You know what to do?"

"Capture on sight."

"Dead or alive."

"Jeez!"

The soldiers turn to the source of the outburst.

"Sorry, I bit my tongue…"

"Keep it together. We're here for Zack Fair. He was last seen heading toward that direction." The soldier points up in the direction of the roof. "So let's stay in single file and not cause more problems." He looks pointedly at the soldier with the outburst.

"Sir, yes sir!"

Zack takes care to lock the door to the building roof access before going back to look down off the sides of the building. "I'll need to find a place that isn't in the open…" He pulls out his phone. "What's going on…?"

* * *

Contrasting the light halls of Shinra, the Turk Headquarters is dark, brightened only by the glow of monitors illuminating the room and the face of their newest superior. Her red hair cascading down the black, crisp fabric of her suit, Ryiah stares into the twenty-plus computer screens, scanning over countless bits of information. A notification pings up on one of the screens causing Ryiah to sit up in her oversize office chair a little straighter.

"Finally a mission worth my time! And by worth my time I mean one equivalent to a vacation. It's been forever since I've got to do a bit of traveling…" She clicks on the mission. "Red zoned already huh? I wonder who this target is; Shinra is usually pretty solid at not letting their mistakes escape..." Ryiah mutters, chuckling to herself at the absurdity of the statement. "Last known location...heading toward the beach, hell yes."

"The others are beginning to question your sanity, Ryiah. If you keep talking to yourself like that they are going to take away your gun," Tseng speaks from somewhere in the darkness behind her.

"I wasn't talking to myself, I was talking to you, my love."

"Very well. I see you've accepted the capture mission. You will be departing immediately?"

"Yes sir!" Ryiah exclaims, jumping up from her seat. "Just have to throw my bikini in a bag and-"

"You're taking Tsiang with you."

"Tseng! Noo!" Ryiah wails, grabbing the sides of her face. "This is _my_ vacati-mission!"

"He needs more training, this is a low risk mission, it's perfect."

"To quote a wise man I once knew: 'No.'"

"If you won't do it for him then do it for me?" Tseng asks her in a monotone as if it's hurting him to stoop so low.

"I love you with all of my being Tseng, baby. But I will not have that kid ruining my mission!" And with that statement Ryiah leaves the room, calling out, "See you in a few weeks!"

Tseng pulls out his phone, sends a text, and then puts it away. "Too late." He shows the slightest sign of a smile.

* * *

Zack walks the streets of the slums, a hooded cape pulled far over his head concealing his face. He mumbles to himself as if to appear like a crazed homeless man, or maybe he hasn't thought that far ahead yet. "I managed to escape them, but if I don't figure out why they're after me, I'll just keep running forever…" He ducks into an empty alley way and checks his phone once again. "Let's see what kind of missions there are and if they can explain anything… Oh shoot."

Zack realizes he had left his location info activated which would allow Shinra to track all his movements and locate him easily. Quickly he turns it off, hoping the damage had not already been done. "...probably should have thought about that a while ago…" He continues to mumble to himself as he scrolls through the active missions. "Damn I've been blocked from the system. I'd better lay low for a bit… but where can I go where no one will recognize me…?"

Deciding that if he was going into hiding for what could be "forever", Zack thought it best to lay low in a place that he could enjoy and maybe even relax for a while. Costa Del Sol, Zack Fair's prime vacation- who are we kidding, Zack Fair doesn't take vacations- Zack Fair's prime _training_ location. Sand and ocean spans for miles, joined by an endless sun.

Zack lays on a towel, topless with a white mask of sunscreen on his face and sunglasses shielding his eyes. "Good a disguise as any, and now I get to work on my tan…" he continues to mumble to himself.

A few towels down a familiar red headed Turk is lounging, soaking up some sun on her very pressing "mission". In place of a suit, she is wearing one of the Turk issued bikinis that she herself designed and made a regulation. As she takes a long, luxurious sip of her tropical drink, complete with fresh fruit and a tiny umbrella, a dark shadow is cast, stealing her personal ray of sunshine.

Ryiah angrily glares over at the source of the shadow, and sees a large beach umbrella erected by a funny look man with sunglasses and a face full of sunscreen. She stands abruptly and marches over, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

"Excuse me, but just who do you think you are? I know you have the body of a god and it's taking all my willpower not to reach out and stroke that broad chest of yours… even for a-" Ryiah reaches a hand out as if to touch his muscular, oiled chest, but quickly snatches it back. "But you can't steal my sun like that! You jerk!"

Zack glances up at her from behind his shades, recognition slowly crossing his features. "...Turk?"

"How did you know? I'm not in uniform, no one is supposed to bother me on me vacati-mission. I'm… in disguise. I mean, no… no I'm not Turk, what's a Turk anyway?" Ryiah stumbles over her words, trying to think of who would be out here on a day like this that could possibly recognize her. None of her coworkers would be caught dead on the beach during work hours.

Zack pulls down his sunglasses slightly, peering over the rims. "Ryiah? It's… it's me."

Ryiah squints at him. "Me who? How'd you know my name?"

"Zack, Zack Fair." He whispers harshly. "I know it's been a while but… come on, I made more of an impression on you than that."

"Oh my gosh! You dork! Why didn't you say something sooner! And here I was complimenting you...how embarrassing. What are you doing out here? I haven't seen you in what, three years? And you never bothered to write to me. I bought everyone homing pigeons for Christmas and never once did anyone return a letter."

"Homing pigeon? I never got a bird… Ryiah, I'd love to sit and catch up but I really can't talk here… there's something weird going on."

"No, really?" Ryiah crosses her arms sarcastically. "And I thought it was a new standard for heroes to wear sunscreen on their face like a clown."

"Shh, keep your voice down. As far as you know, I'm not a hero and I don't work for Shinra."

"Oh...I see, you're embarrassed to be seen with me."

"That's not it! Let's go somewhere more private" Zack says while scanning the beach, until he spots a changing shack. "There! Come on!"

"Oh Zack." Ryiah blushes. "All that sexual tension between us must have been building all those years and now it's exploding into an eruption of passion!"

"That's not what I- come on!" Zack grabs Ryiah's arm and drags her to the shack.

Once inside Zack closes the door behind them and waits a moment to collect himself. "I'm sorry that we don't have time to catch up… we'll do that later…but something's going on." He closes up the one small window with a curtain from the floor, working to conceal their location as he talks. "Have you heard anything… relating to me?"

"I heard your fan club has taken off. I guess you're some sort of celebrity now… some sort of..." Ryiah flinches. "Hero."

Zack flashes a cocky grin. "I'm the new generation, now that the other heroes are… 'retired'."

"We're all doomed. Thank goodness the Turks are still going strong with me on the front lines. I actually have people below me now, can you believe it? Well I mean of course you can, I'm amazing."

"So what are you doing at the beach then? As far as I know high ranking Turks are always working. I can't remember a time when Tseng wasn't on a job."

"I am on a job, my goodness. I'm here to track down a hot commodity. Some threat to Shinra needs to be captured." Ryiah slaps a hand to her mouth. "Whoops, highly confidential. Don't tell anyone or I won't hesitate to kill you."

"Threat to Shinra… but I haven't done anything wrong…"

"That's a pretty broad statement; you're not saint, Zack. Wait… you think _you're_ the one I'm after? No way! This guy is some sort of evil genius, he's supposed to be urgent code red - slip through your fingers- kind of crazy. There's no way you could be the guy they have everyone out to get."

"Yeah… yeah must be someone else." Zack scratches the back of his head.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door of the shack putting both Ryiah and Zack instantly on guard.

Zack puts his hand over Ryiah's mouth. "Shh," he whispers.

There's a brief pause and then another knock before a scared and pleading voice comes through the door, "Uh… Ryiah? I… saw you come in here, can I come in please? People are starting to stare… I probably should have snuck in, but…"

Zack turns to Ryiah and frowns, whispering, "Did you bring someone?"

Ryiah pushes Zack off her and whispers back. "No. I work solo. But we've been spotted so let's get out of here…"

"Spotted? What's going on?"

"Uh, you're being tracked, right? Someone wants your captured? So… best not stay at the same place too long." Ryiah unhinges the window in the back. "Let's go find a means of transportation."

The voice outside the door whimpers audibly while Ryiah and Zack quietly climb out the window.

* * *

Ryiah sits in the back of a taxi with Zack, now far away from the beach. "Okay," Ryiah says as she reads over her mission text. "They haven't revealed the identity of the man I'm searching for, but they do say he has black hair and a muscular build… what kind of amateur mission is this? I don't know who their informant is, but they might as well put up a child's drawing of the man. Tch. So let's assume it is you… now I don't want to know what you did, all I want to know is what you will do… to make it worth my while not to turn you in."

"Ryiah! After all we've been through together… Please, help me."

"Zack… that was years ago. I'm a high ranking officer now. I can't mess around on the job. This could really come back on me hard. What will my subordinates think?"

"Look, I'm not guilty okay! Just… help me prove that and we'll both be off the hook. Don't make me beg you…" Zack pleads.

"Oh gawd, I don't want to see you beg!" Ryiah looks at Zack's puppy dog eyes. "Oh no, no no no no… Stop! I can't take it!"

Zack makes his expression even more intense and Ryiah punches him in the face.

Zack grabs his nose to keep from yelling. "What was that?!"

"I'll help you. If you never make that face again."

"...deal. Thanks Ryiah."

"If I'm helping you, you're going to need a disguise. Driver! Pull over here."

The taxi driver pulls over in front of the shopping district.

"Oooh no, not one of your disguises… I will not be seen in a dress!"

"A dress? Please, as if you could pass for a girl, you're hideous! No one would believe it." Ryiah shakes her head as she opens her door.

"I'm not… that bad."

"We're getting you a suit. If anyone asks your name is Tsiang, and you're a Turk in training."


	2. The Beauty of That Toned Body

**Chapter Two: The Beauty of That Toned Body**

Music pounding like a heart beat fills a dimly lit nightclub, the scene is thick with people rubbing skin on skin in a sweaty tangle. Off to the side stands a woman dressed in all black, eyeing the crowd with a look of indifference. She sips her drink as a man walks over. Breaking away from the dancing mass, he puts his arm against the wall and gives her a slimy grin.

The woman, who we know as Levei, smiles back at him, taking another sip of her cocktail. She allows him to lead her over to a private, covered booth of dark red leather.

A few moments pass, the music blaring, bodies thrashing. Levei re-emerges and begins to walk casually through the group of dancing people revealing the man slumped over in the booth, presumably dead.

Levei leaves the club, takes her earrings off and pulls out her phone as soon as the cool night air hits her. She scans over a new mission notification. "Too easy," she dismisses and is about to slide her phone back into her small satchel when another mission comes on screen. "Hold on, what's this…?" Levei looks over the details before accepting it and tucking her phone away.

* * *

In the middle of an unnamed desert, Cloud Strife rides his motorcycle, a blur of blond hair, black leather, and a cloud of dust flying up on the sides of his bike. He passes mile after mile, eventually coming to a cliff.

Coming to a sudden halt, just barely inches from the edge, Cloud steps off his motorcycle and peers down at the city below, an emotionless mask on his sculpted face.

A chocobo kwee slices through the silence. Cloud checks his texts, and spots a new mission. He reads over the details and frowns.

* * *

Levei sits in a coach seat in a non-crowded train. Dark but shapely clothing hugs her every curve, a hat and sunglasses conceals her identity.

A man notices her sitting there and, with a burst of confidence, walks over to sit next to her. "How are you doing tonight, beautiful?" he greets, palms sweating.

Levei casually adjusts her gunblade she has tucked against her thigh. "I'm doing well. How will you be doing?"

The man nervously eyes her gunblade before frowning. "I… isn't the saying 'how are you doing'?"

"We both know how you are doing _now, _but_..._later…" Levei plays with the safety on her gunblade.

"... uh, that's okay, have a good night." The man quickly gets up and leaves her alone to her thoughts.

Levei turns her attention back to the window as the lights of the night fly by.

* * *

The small town of Nibelheim is quiet as usual, most people choosing to hide in their homes instead of sitting underneath the hot afternoon sun. In the town's only bar, Cloud sits silently in the corner at a wooden table and chairs, a beer in one hand and his phone in the other.

At the bar counter, the woman working stares longingly at him. She wears a revealing cowboy outfit, including the hat and boots, and has long black hair. She's Tifa, the beez everyone had been talking about.

"Can I get some service over here?" a man says angrily, sitting at another table.

Tifa waves her hand at him while maintaining her stare at Cloud. Cloud, however, is too busy with his phone to notice.

The man finally stands up and heads toward the door, muttering, "Someone should stop her before that boy is injured…"

Tifa shakes her fist at the man as he leaves. "He's a man!" She turns back to Cloud, then glances at her phone willing a text to pop up from him. "I wonder what he's doing...maybe...nah..."

After a few more minutes of staring, Tifa awkwardly walks over with a pitcher of beer. "Everything...tasting okay?"

Cloud glances at his bottle of beer, then back at his phone. "Yeah."

"Oh, good...well...let me know if you need anything. Anything at all...really…" She lingers a moment before slowly walking back behind the bar, and then continues to stare at him.

Cloud takes a last drink of his glass before walking out.

"Thanks for coming!" Tifa exclaims as she waves at him. "I love you…" She whispers.

* * *

Later that evening, Levei arrives just outside Nibelheim from the train station, dressed in an outfit that acts as camouflage against the shadows, and checks her phone. She looks around, but can't see anything under the cover of night. Just as she starts toward the town, someone drives past her on their motorcycle, stopping just a few feet ahead. Levei sighs and brushes the dust that was kicked up off of her coat. "Some people..." she mutters, glancing up to see Cloud taking off his helmet. "Wait, is that…?"

Cloud flips his hair as it sparkles in the moonlight.

"Talking...dog?" Levei finishes.

Cloud hears this and looks over at her. "Levei…?"

Levei walks over and closes the gap between them. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised...since this is where you're from, but...I guess I didn't expect…"

Cloud nods.

"You got...more work outs, I see," Levei stumbles over her words, trying not to stare at his large, muscular arms.

"Thanks. You look well. Less like a 'Twiggy'," Cloud responds.

Levei smiles slightly. "Thanks. Haven't heard that in a long time."

* * *

Back at Cloud's house, Levei sits in a chair in his small living room, looking around casually. Coming from his even tinier kitchen, Cloud brings out two glasses of tea and hands her one.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Cloud sits in a chair across from her, and they fall into a comfortable silence, drinking their tea.

"This is nice," Levei says quietly.

Cloud nods, and they fall into another silent pause.

"So...what have you been doing since we last spoke?" Cloud finally asks, both about halfway done with their tea.

"Just been around," Levei says simply, looking down at her cup.

"Still at Shinra?"

Levei nods. "You?"

"Somewhat. I've spent a while around here."

"Oh? You finally took up that beez's invitations?"

Cloud shakes his head.

"Pity. But probably safer," Levei comments, taking another sip of her tea.

Cloud pulls out his phone and looks at Levei, who nods in return. "That's...why I'm here. I don't know, but it sounds...odd."

"What made you choose Nibelheim as the first location?" Cloud asks. "The target dropped off last at the beach heading south. I guess this is south, but...a small town like this?"

"I believe the pattern of the target is headed in this direction. This town specifically would be the perfect place for them to hide."

"That's a pretty bold conclusion."

Levei shrugs and sips her tea. "I also wanted to...see at least one person, from before. And you happened to be here."

"Before…?" Cloud looks at her curiously, but doesn't push further.

Levei sets down her tea cup and looked at her watch. "It's pretty late. I should probably go see if they have a room or something at the inn."

She stands, but Cloud puts up a hand. "Please, sit. I'm sure they're full. You can stay here, I have an extra room."

Levei hesitantly sits back down. "Alright, if you're sure. We could always go over to the mansion, for old time's sake."

She winks at him playfully, and he smirks.

* * *

After being dropped off by the taxi driver at the nearest shopping district, we find Ryiah standing outside of Zack's dressing room door, knocking persistently. "Do you need me to come in there? You're taking more time than a girl in a Victoria's Secret dressing room."

"I just… I'm not sure it fits," comes Zack's strained voice.

"Open the door, let's have a look."

Zack starts to open the door and a blinding white light escapes as the voice of a thousand angels begin to sing.

Ryiah's nose spurts out blood instantly, "It's… so… good."

"It's so tight." Zack stands there in a black suit, identical to the ones issued by the Turks, although on him it resembles less professional attire and more male model on the cover of a romance novel. "I mean, I can move around but my muscles… they're just so… restricted," Zack says, flexing.

"Stop! Stop! Enough!" Ryiah exclaims, clutching a white dress shirt up to her nose to stop the bleeding. "We're buying this one, even though my inner self is telling me to make you buy an ill-fitting one where the pants are too short and the jacket is too big and you look like the total dork you are but… it would be a crime to not let others gaze upon the beauty of that toned body in a suit."

"You think so?" Zack asks, posing in front of the dressing room mirror.

"We're slicking back your hair though."

"No! Not the hair!"

"Come on, Tsiang." Ryiah takes Zack's arm and drags him to the cashier.

The cashier takes Zack's arm once they reach the counter and rings up the tag on the suit Ryiah wouldn't let him remove. "We don't usually have people wear our suits out the door. Late for a special occasion?" The clerk gives Zack a strange look.

"Our wedding, actually. Next stop, bridal shop," Ryiah tells the cashier with a bored expression.

"Seriously? Are you eloping or something?"

"Nah, we just overslept."

The cashier gives Ryiah an incredulous look. "...Right. That'll be 50,000 gil."

"50,000?! There's got to be a mistake." Zack shakes his head in disbelief.

"What, did you think I'd take you department store shopping? Only the best for my… partner… uh, life partner. Now Tsiang, pay up… you sweet thing, you." Ryiah pats Zack on the arm.

"I… uh…" Zack sighs and hands her some gil.


	3. Training to be a Model

**Chapter Three: Training to be a Model**

At Cloud's home in Nibelheim, Cloud and Levei sit and have an ironically small amount of small talk, neither feeling awkward from all of the pauses and comfortable silences. After a while, Cloud suddenly asks, "Do you want to go for a drive?"

"Sure, I don't think you or I have what is considered a 'normal' schedule, so I think it's safe to say it's not an unreasonable hour to go for a drive," Levei responds.

Cloud smirked as he leads her out to his motorcycle.

"I didn't get a good look at your motorcycle before, but I must say it suits you. You took up Ryiah's suggestion, huh?"

"You could say that…" Cloud mutters, putting his helmet on and handing Levei one.

Levei gets on Cloud's motorcycle and holds his waist from behind. Cloud revs up the motorcycle's engine and turned slightly. "You're not going to ask where we're going?"

"I like a little mystery. Plus my name is danger, I just spell it L-E-V-E-I."

* * *

Ryiah and Zack sit in the back of their taxi once again, both silently admiring Zack's attire. Ryiah hands the driver a slip of paper, not tearing her eyes away from Zack's broad chest restrained by a crisp white shirt and tie . "Here's the address. We're in a hurry, so he'll pay you double if you ignore the speed limit!"

"Wh-what?!" Zack exclaims.

The driver looks over the address. "This is in a bad part of town, miss…" he says, glancing at Ryiah and Zack through the rear view mirror. "Aren't you two Turks? Don't you have a helicopter or something that can get you there?"

"What part of 'in a hurry' don't you understand?! Step on it!" Ryiah presses, kicking the back of his seat.

The driver shrugs and begins to drive.

"Bad part of town?" Zack repeats. "Where are you taking me now?"

"I'm going to sell you on the black market."

"Hey!"

"We're going to see a friend. Now, be more Turk-like. What's rule number one?"

Zack sighs and thinks a moment. "...don't ask questions."

The driver turns down a road full of people screaming and running. Fires blaze out of the windows of run down buildings. The piercing sound of gunshots can be heard in the distance.

"How did we get here? We were just in the wealthy quarter buying 50,000g suits!" Zack asks, turning on Ryiah.

"Let it go, Zack. Your money is gone."

"I don't know how much further I can take you," the driver says. "My life is worth more to me than this."

"He'll triple the cost," Ryiah states.

The driver steps on the gas pedal and the car goes flying through the streets, tires screeching and leaving a trail of smoke behind them.

"How much money do you think I have?!" Zack runs his fingers through his hair, stressed.

"You're a hero. I became very familiar with Sephiroth's finances back when we were an item. I know how much you make in a month," Ryiah says, wagging her finger at Zack.

"But my retirement…"

"There!" Ryiah suddenly says, pointing to what appeared to be an abandoned apartment building. "Pull over."

Zack pays the driver while a single tear rolls down his cheek and falls onto the money. "This was going to buy me a jet ski."

"It's going to put my daughter through college," the driver replies, taking the money.

Zack sighs. "Jet ski…"

"Don't be insensitive, Zack!" Ryiah scolds. "Give him a tip as well! He has three daughters, you know."

Zack hands the driver his wallet, hanging onto it for a lingering moment before letting it go.

* * *

After a while of driving, Cloud pulls up to a cliff overlooking a vast desert. They both get off the motorcycle and take off their helmets.

"Wow, this is an amazing view," Levei says, transfixed by the beauty of the scenery.

Cloud nods. Another comfortable silence passes as the two take in the view.

"Levei…" Cloud says.

"Hm?"

"Have you...kept in touch with Ryiah?"

Levei turns back to the view. "I haven't kept in touch with anyone."

"Not even Zack?"

Levei doesn't reply.

"He's a hero now, you know."

"So I've heard. I'm happy for him."

Another pause.

"Is there anything else you wanted to ask?" Levei asks. "You look like you have more questions."

"I do, but...time and place."

"This is as good a time and place as you're going to get. If I don't like question, I could just 'take care' of you, so no harm done." Levei shrugs.

Cloud smiles slightly. "I just wanted to hear more about what you've been doing since we last saw each other."

"I'd rather hear about what you've been doing. I heard through the grapevine you're quite the accomplished SOLDIER now. Very impressive."

Cloud's smile fades. "You can thank the scientists for that."

Levei shakes her head. "I don't think they do those missions for you. From what I recall, they don't even know how to keep their badges from getting stolen."

His smile returns. "I believe I also recall that."

"I only give credit where credit is due. Do you think I go around complimenting people? Do I _really_ seem like the type, after all you know about me?"

"I think that's the first time you've ever complimented me…"

"I guess it took you a while to finally earn my praise," Levei says, punching him in the shoulder and waiting a moment. "No yelping, I like it."

"So...what have you been up to?"

Levei stretches. "High profile cases, nothing to do with more mako injections, thankfully."

"That's good. As long as you're happy."

Levei doesn't reply, and simply smiles.

"When did you want to head back?"

Levei sits down on the ground. "I'm not in a rush."

* * *

Walking inside the building and up to what _used_ to be an elevator, Ryiah scans the piles of cobwebs, dusty scrap metal, and what was once an old mattress in search of the elevator button. Zack is close behind, nervously looking around.

"Let's see...where's the button? We need floor thirteen," Ryiah says.

"Is this...it?" Zack picks up a smashed panel of up and down buttons on the floor next to the door.

"Guess we'll have to pry it open," Ryiah says, pulling out a pry bar out of seemingly no where and hands it to Zack.

"Do you always carry a pry bar with you? Where did you even fit that…" Zack sighs and puts all his strength into prying open the doors, not expecting a real answer.

"Keep trying, we'll get it," Ryiah encourages.

A man in a tattered red cape enters the building, briskly walking past them with a grocery bag in each hand. His long raven hair flows behind him as he travels up the stairs paying no notice to Zack and Ryiah, who are still struggling to pry open the elevator.

"Keep… pushing...errrrr," Zack groans.

"Wait, did you see that?" Ryiah asks, not helping Zack push in the slightest.

"See what? I didn't see anything, but it did suddenly get colder in here…"

"He didn't even say hi!" Ryiah drops the crow bar and runs up the stairs.

Zack keeps prying a few minutes longer before he realizes that Ryiah has left him. "Ry-Ryiah? Where did you go? I don't feel safe without my sword… How am I supposed to protect myself without getting my suit dirty? They never taught me this in Turk training…"

Ryiah runs up the stairs, easily catching up to Vincent Valentine who is walking at a leisurely pace. She expertly fades into the shadows and stalk Valentine, unnoticed.

Valentine casually strolls up to his apartment and unlocks the door. He steps inside and sets his groceries on the counter.

Ryiah slips inside behind him, still unnoticed.

Valentine takes a cup of low-fat yogurt out of one of the bags and begins to search his drawers for a spoon. Ryiah moves closer still, almost able to smell the his snow-like scent. He finds a spoon and removes a bag of low-calorie rice cakes from his cupboard.

Ryiah takes another careful step closer, in the blink of an eye Valentine reaches into the bag of rice cakes and pulls out his gun, pointing it between Ryiah's eyes.

"How dare you interrupt my lunch hour," he growls.

"Vincey!" Ryiah gushes and pokes her finger into the mouth of his gun. "Why do you have such a girly lunch? Are you training to be a model?

"Ryiah… I hoped I would never see you again." Valentine glances at his low-fat yogurt then back to her.

"Sometimes good things happen to bad people. You're lucky enough to get a personal visit from me!"

Valentine slowly and hesitantly lowers his weapon. "What do you want from me? Wait… did you come here alone?" The two turn to see Zack stealthily walking inside the open door.

Zack is focusing on tip-toeing when he hears the two stop talking and turns to look up at them. "Oh… hey guys… the uh, front door was open, so I… just … came in?" He flashes an awkward smile.

Valentine sighs. "How did you two find me?" He walks over and sits down at his coffee table.

"You're still in the Turk database, silly." Ryiah tells him.

"Y-yeah, Turk database…" Zack smooths back his greased hair.

"Since when were you a Turk?" Valentine looks pointedly at Zack. " I thought you were one of Shinra's dogs."

"I decided to change things up a bit..."

"That's actually why we're here," Ryiah admits.

Zack gives Ryiah a pleading look, asking her to be quiet with his eyes.

"It's okay Zack, I told you, he's a friend."

"I am no friend of yours. If you remember correctly our last and only meeting you broke into the mansion I was protecting and woke me up," Valentine accuses.

"Well, for one thing, you probably shouldn't have been sleeping on the job so we sorta did you a favor…"

Valentine resists the urge to slap his hand against his forehead and gives Ryiah a blank stare instead.

"We need your help, Vincent Valentine, our only hero is in trouble, he pissed off the wrong dudes and now we need to prove his innocence." Ryiah puts her hand over one side of her mouth and whispers to Valentine, "Although we both know he probably isn't innocent."

"Hey! I can hear you!" Zack says, offended.

"I heard they're looking for someone…" Valentine nods.

"Ryiah! I thought you said we could trust him!"

"I don't care enough to turn you in. Nor do I care enough to help you."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong." Ryiah wags a finger at Valentine. " I have something of great value to you…"

"There is nothing in this world of value to me."

"What about… this!" Ryiah pulls out a CD.

Valentine reads the label "'Best of Lady Gaga'...? Who is this lady?"

"Woops! I stole that from Zack earlier…" Ryiah shoves the CD back into her pocket.

"My workout mix…" Zack frowns.

"This! Is what I was looking for…" Ryiah pulls out a different CD." It contains the answers to your past."

"Where did you get that? How do I know you're telling the truth?" Valentine narrows his eyes at her.

"Al that information is highly confidential. You'll have to trust me."

"Forget it."

"Wait!" Zack holds up his hand.

Valentine adverts his eyes to him.

"If Ryiah thinks that you can help me… then I'm going to have to trust her. _And_ you… if you decide to hep me. And I'll do everything but beg, whatever you want. I don't have anywhere else to turn."

Valentine pauses a moment before responding. "I'd like to see you beg."

"Really? You pick that out of everything? Fine…" Zack gets down on his knees and folds his hands, looking up at him. "Please? I beg you…"

Valentine smiles internally, but only shows a cold exterior. "And the CD." He turns to Ryiah.

Ryiah snaps the CD in half and hands a piece to him. "You'll get the other half once you've helped Zack."

Valentine's eyes widen.

"No! Ryiah!" Zack yells.

"What?" Ryiah looks at the broken CD. "Oh… right. This isn't the only copy, don't worry. Wow that effect really doesn't work with a CD huh? Anyway, you in?" She holds out a hand to Valentine.

Valentine looks to his low-fat yogurt then back to Ryiah. "I fear you won't leave me alone until I agree. Let's get this over with."

"Oh thank you." Zack cries tears of joy.

"But let's get one thing clear: I honestly do not care."

"That's fine, neither does she." Zack points to Ryiah. "She's just in it to torture me… like the good old days…"

Valentine gets up and grabs his red cape, briskly walking out the door.

"Wait! Where are we going?" Ryiah calls after him.

"You said he's a wanted man, this isn't a secure location." Valentine explains as they catch up to him.

"It looks pretty secure to me, I mean the elevator doesn't work. Any soldier would take one look at that, get discouraged and leave."

Zack nods in agreement. "Not that I'd argue with leaving this place…"

"You said you wanted my help, don't argue," Valentine says.

Zack looks at Ryiah. "Yeah, I agree with… whatever he wants."

"You don't need to be so agreeable," Valentine reprimands.

"You're right!" Zack grins as they exit the building.

* * *

Tseng's little nephew in training gets out of a taxi in Valentine's neighborhood after his failed attempt to catch up with Ryiah at the beach earlier. He managed to track her down, using his dog like senses. Or maybe he called a contact at the Turk HQ and was able to get her transmitted location.

"That'll be triple what the meter says, I don't go down to this part of town for cheap," the driver tells him.

"I only have 100g… it's my food allowance for the remainder of the week…"

"100g? That's not even a fraction." The driver takes the money from him. "I hope you starve!" And with that he drives off with wheels screeching.

"I probably will…" Tsiang sighs and hangs his head. "This must be part of my Turk training, learning how to hunt to survive." He fist pumps. "I won't let you down, Ryiah!"

Tsiang watches as some rats scurry into the gutter. "Maybe if I boil them they won't be so bad... " He heads to the pot hole in the middle of the road to get down into the sewer for some good ol' fashion rat hunting.


	4. Old Habits

**Chapter Four: Old Habits**

Tsiang stands knee deep in slimy brown sewer water, the sludge squishing under his shoes with each step. "Who thought it would be so difficult to catch a rat. They're so small and helpless… like me."

Suddenly Ryiah's voice comes from seemingly no where, echoing through the enclosed sewer pipe. "Are we gonna take another cab? Or do you own a car? You should own a car, Valentine, a man as attractive as you."

"Actually, I fly," Valentine's voice responds.

"Because you're a…" Zack whispers, although still audible from Tsiang position under ground. "Vampire. I knew it."

Valentine hails a cab. "Get in," he says before he tells the driver to go to Nibelheim.

Tsiang watches them from a gutter on street level, his eyes peering through as he watches their feet enter a cab parked on the side of the road. "Ryiah? Nibelheim?"

* * *

Levei and Cloud decide that the best location for someone on the run to hide out would be an deserted building so their next stop on the search would logically be the Shinra mansion.

Levei walks around the musty halls, kicking up dust as she goes. Her boots echo through the empty hallways as she looks into cobweb riddled rooms with Cloud closely following behind.

"It doesn't look like anyone has been in here for a while," Levei notes. "Is Valentine not living here anymore?"

Cloud shakes his head. "He got an apartment."

"Oh, hopefully it's a nice one. It'd be terrible for him to go from a mansion to a crappy-" Levei stops short from Cloud's expression. "What? Is it really that bad?"

"...yeah."

"Oh...well...if we ever see him again, maybe I could buy a new apartment...he deserves a lot more than a run down apartment…"

"I'm sure he has other things on his mind."

"Mysterious men like that usually do…" Level sighs and returns to Cloud's side.

From down the stairs, they hear a door creak open.

"Did you hear that?" Cloud asks.

"No, I don't think so…"

Cloud grabs Levei and pulls her into a room, and they press themselves against the wall. Levei puts a hand on her gunblade, looking at Cloud and waiting for a signal of some kind.

"What should we do?" Levei whispers.

"We need to get downstairs and see what's going on," Cloud responds.

"I'm right behind you."

* * *

Downstairs at the front door, Ryiah walks in with Valentine and Zack in tow. Ryiah looks around, taking it all in.

"I see you've really fixed up the place… Not really much of a 'summer home' like you promised. This was supposed to be my vacation, after all," Ryiah says.

"I promised you nothing," Valentine simply states.

"Since we'll be hiding out here for a while, let's fix up the place! Throw some paint on the walls, dust off these cobwebs." Ryiah walks into another room.

"I still don't like it here," Zack says. "It's creepy. I feel like something's going to jump out at me."

A door closes somewhere else and Zack jumps.

"Man up, soldier," Ryiah scolds. "I mean hero. I mean...Turk in training…"

"You heard that, though, right? A door closed. I'm not crazy." Zack turns and frowns at Valentine, as if he should explain the sudden noise.

"No one dares to come in here. I made sure rumors were spread of ghosts inhabiting the place, and Shinra is no longer using it. There can't be anyone else here."

"Unless...there really _are _ghosts," Ryiah says.

Just as she finishes her sentence, the three hear footsteps.

"You can't stab a ghost!" Zack exclaimed. "What do we do?!"

"There's only one thing to do," Valentine says.

"Scare them away," Ryiah says.

Valentine stares at her. "I was going to say ignore them, but..." He glances at Zack. "Whatever will make him shut up."

"I can be scary! I can scare a ghost!"

"We'll leave it to you then," Ryiah tells Zack.

"I'll be in the basement. Come find me when you're done."

Ryiah salutes and Zack leans to Ryiah, whispering, "Is he...going to take a nap…? Wait, wasn't this place already known for being haunted by...vampires?"

"The vampire moved out. Now this place is haunted by the _ghosts_ of vampires..."

"You're making this up as you go along, aren't you?"

Ryiah shrugs. "Probably."

Zack sighs as a creak comes from somewhere upstairs. "Shh, did you hear that? There's something up there."

"You'd better hide."

"Hey!"

"...so you can jump out and scare whatever it is."

"Oh, right! Okay!" Zack quickly runs and hides under the stairs.

Ryiah dusts off an old chair in a dark corner and sits down, hidden by the shadows.

* * *

In another room, Cloud leads Levei down the hallway near the stairs and peeks around the corner and then pulls back. He sees Zack underneath the stairs.

"What? What is it?" Levei asks, still behind him.

"...you don't want to know."

"Uh, yeah, I kind of do. Is it a _vampire_? Don't tell me you're still scared of that stuff."

Cloud slowly shakes his head.

"Is it dangerous?"

"More than you know."

"Then let's go kill it," Levei says, going out from the corner and starting down the stairs.

"Wait…" Cloud reaches out to grab her, but misses, and reluctantly follows.

Zack jumps out from under the stairs as soon as they come down. "Booowahhh! Be gone with you vampire ghosts from the underworld! I don't have my sword on me, but if I did you'd...well, you probably wouldn't be killed 'cause you're already dead, and I couldn't hurt you, 'cause you're see-through...but you'd...see how awesome I look with a sword! Boo!"

"...are you done?" Cloud asks.

"Am I...wait, _Cloud_? Is that you?"

Cloud stares at him.

"It's great to see you!" Zack grabs him around the neck.

"...please...don't..." Cloud mutters.

"It's just Zack," Levei says, putting away her gunblade and turning to leave.

"Levei..." Cloud says.

Zack lets go of Cloud and looks at her. "It's, uh…" He clears his throat. "Nice to see you again."

Levei stops and turns to him. "You, too. I can see you haven't changed a bit."

Zack looks her up and down. "I can see you _have_."

Levei smiles and shakes her head. "Still the same Zack."

"What are you doing here?" Cloud asks.

"I could ask you the same question!" Zack says excitedly.

Cloud doesn't answer but looks at Zack expectantly.

"We're… on vacation?" Zack finally says.

"We? I don't see anyone else. Why are you wearing a suit? … did you get married?"

Zack looks around but can't spot Ryiah anywhere. "Where'd she go?"

"Figures you'd marry someone that avoids you. She's probably just in it for the money anyway." Cloud shrugs.

"Hey! I'm not married! I'm here with Valentine, remember, the vampire? Don't worry Cloud, he won't eat you this time."

"I'm not worried. Valentine and I are acquaintances actually, we've worked together in the past."

"What? No way!"

"Where is he?" Cloud glances around.

"He said he'd be waiting in the basement."

"Let's go."

The three begin their descent into the Shinra mansion basement. "So what are you two doing here? …together? You having a reunion and didn't invite me?" Zack asks, sounding almost hurt.

"Actually, we're the ones getting married," Levei says.

"Wait, what?!"

Levei takes a deep breath. "I guess this is one of those things that stays fun forever…"

Zack glances warily between Cloud and Levei. "Very funny, guys…"

Cloud opens the door to the basement.

"Why did you say Valentine was here?"

"He's, uh, helping me out."

"If he's helping you with our outfit…" Levei gives him a once over. "I'd say he's doing a very good job."

Zack adjusts his black tie with a charming smile.

"Vincent? Are you down here?" Cloud calls out. "It's Cloud."

Valentine sits up from inside his coffin. "Have you come to relieve me?" he asks.

"Wh-why would you do that?!" Zack exclaims. "Why are you in a coffin _again_?!"

"Old habits."

"We ran into this guy upstairs. He said you came here together. Is this true?"

"Afraid so. I'm helping him and the Turk with...a chore."

"The Turk?"

"Oh yeah, Ryiah was with me. I don't know where she went…" Zack says, looking around. "Probably hiding somewhere to scare a ghost."

"I won't ask any further questions…" Cloud says.

Levei crosses her arms. "That wouldn't surprise me. She's the only person I know who is scarier than ghosts."

Cloud looks at her thoughtfully, while Zack turns to Valentine and says, "That's Cloud's way of agreeing."

Valentine looks from Zack to Cloud, who shrugs.

"So, now that we've all be reacquainted, let's get down to business," Levei says, pulling out her phone.

"Business…? To defeat the Huns?" Zack asks.

"Do you have something to do with this?" Levei asks, showing him the mission.

"I...uh...umm...the one time I need Ryiah and she's not here…" Levei continues staring at him, waiting for a better answer, which he promptly tries to give. "Look, I don't know what's going on. Somehow overnight I became a threat to Shinra, and no one will tell me why. I'm trying to figure it out, but you have to believe me that I did nothing wrong."

Levei narrows her eyes at him, and then nods. "I believe you."

"You do?" Zack asks with surprise.

"Why else would you have teamed up with him?" She points to Valentine. "You're not exactly a fan."

Valentine nods.

"Wait, Zack is the one they're looking for?" Cloud asks. "I thought he was a hero now. You didn't...pull a Sephiroth, did you?"

"Cloud! Do you really think I'm capable of burning down a whole city?"

"Capable...no." He looks Zack up and down. "But there has to be a reason you're a red-level threat."

"Believe me, I wish I knew why. You have to help me figure it out. I would have come to you first if I wasn't hiding out. You...you were my best friend."

"But instead you went to..._her_," Cloud says bitterly, looking away.

"I didn't! I ran into the Turk and one thing led to another! It was always you, Cloud. Always you…"

"_Was _me. Now it's the Turk. Did I really mean so little to you? After all we've been through?" He continues to look away dramatically.

Zack takes Cloud's hand. "You meant the world to me. Y-you still do! Cloud! Please look at me!"

Cloud closes his eyes and turns to Zack. "You hurt me, Zack. I don't know if I can forgive you."

"I'll do anything! Just please don't leave me again. Not again…"

Valentine turns to Levei with a disturbed look; she responds with a shrug and turns to them with an annoyed look. "Regardless of who went to who first-"

"Wait, how did _you_ get roped into this?" Zack cuts her off. "Are you...here to see me?"

"I wasn't even sure it was you," Levei replies. "I was just on a mission."

"A mission…" Zack says, a sad look on his face. "Sounds like you."

Levei nods. "But...I'm glad it wasn't a real threat."

"What do you mean _real_ threat? I'm very threatening!"

"I don't think you're helping prove your innocence."

"Oh..right..heh…" Zack rubs the back of his head. "But I'm glad you guys are here, too. I need all the help I can get."

"It really does seem like nothing has changed…" Levei says with a smile.

Zack sees her smile and brightens up. "Okay, we need to find Ryiah!"

"Does she have a plan?"

"She always does. I think it's a Turk thing," Zack says.

"We're not just talking about _any _Turk here," Levei points out.

"...you have a point…"


	5. We're All Different Now

**Chapter Five: We're All Different Now**

In one of the dusty rooms of the Shinra Mansion, Ryiah sits on a huge king bed talking on her phone. "Tseng baby, everything is fine. You know you don't have to check up on me anymore… Who? … oh your nephew… right, right, yeah the kid is fine, he's having a great time actually. We're having a great time… oh you want to speak with him? Uh.. Tsiang! Oh it looks like he's in the bathroom."

"I'm right here," Tsiang says from somewhere next to Ryiah.

Ryiah screams and throws the phone at him. "Who the hell are you!? Don't you know better than to sneak up on a Turk? I could have shot you!"

"You're holding your gun upside down…" Tsiang points out.

"Duh! This is how we higher ups do it…"

Tsiang picks up Ryiah's phone from the floor. "H-hello… Uncle Tseng? Yeah, I'm, uh…" He looks to Ryiah who is giving him a death glare. "I'm doing just great, Ryiah is really patient and understanding. I'm learning a lot… No I'm not lying... She didn't ditch me…"

Ryiah jumps up and takes the phone back. "Tseng we have to go, we're about to be ambushed. I love you. If I don't survive this, tell our children I love them too, except Jimmy, I always hated that little brat." She hangs up and turns on Tsiang. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here? Are you stalking me, you little twirp!?"

"I-I thought this was part of training! I thought I was supposed to track you…"

"This is my vacation! I told Tseng I wasn't going to take an underage boy with me to the nude beaches I would be frequenting."

Tsiang gets a nosebleed as he fumbles for a reply. "But you're the best… I need to learn from the best so I can be the best! Just like Uncle!"

"... then why isn't he teaching you?!"

"He says I get in his way… because I'm clumsy and a nuisance."

Ryiah throws her hands in the air. "What did I do to deserve this…?"

* * *

Meanwhile Levei, Cloud and Zack stand conversing, trying to pinpoint Ryiah's location in such a big house.

"When did you last see her?" Levei inquires.

"Just a bit ago, I don't know where she could have gone so quickly…" Zack sighs.

Cloud crosses his arms. "... anywhere…"

"She should be close then." Levei nods.

"Then let's go find her!" Zack does a fist pump before running out the door.

"... I was going to suggest searching the rest of the house…"

"Just let him figure it out," Cloud says before walking up the stairs with Valentine trailing behind him.

* * *

Zack, now outside, takes a moment to glance around at his surroundings. "Man, it's kind of creepy here… alone… wait, where is everyone? … guys?!"

* * *

From a window far above Zack, Ryiah looks down at the expanse of dead trees and a slight fog rolling in. "See that man down there, Twirp?" She points out Zack to Tsiang.

Tsiang hesitantly walks over and peers out the window. "Yeah, that's your friend, right? He looks… like he's in trouble, do you want me to save him?"

Ryiah shakes her head. "Pay attention! That's not my friend."

"But I saw you together… you were in that shack at the beach, getting into taxis, going shopping, heading back to his place." Tsiang covers his mouth with a hand. "You're having an affair!?"

Ryiah makes an exasperated sound. "Why do you make things so difficult?! Wait… having an affair? I'm a single lady, we don't have affairs, we have casual encounters." She waves her hand dismissively. "As I was saying… He's not my friend he's _your replacement_. That down there, that's Tsiang now, and don't you let anyone think otherwise!"

Tsiang looks out the window again, "Well if he's Tsiang I mean..._me_… then who am I?" He points to himself.

Ryiah looks at him long and hard before finally answering. "You're my new Blondie."

"Buy… my hair… isn't blond…" he whines, but stops short when Ryiah glares at him. "But… I guess I can try…"

* * *

Cloud opens a door, looking inside, then moves onto the next one in search of Ryiah while Valentine coolly walks behind him.

Levei crosses her arms are follows behind the two. "This seems like old times, doesn't it?" When she gets no response to continues, "Maybe we should go back and get Zack. I know he's a hero now, but…"

Cloud turns to face her. "Don't tell me you're worried about him."

"Of course I am, he's an idiot."

"...you have a point."

Levei waves her hand in dismissal. "I'm sure he'll catch up… although now that I think about it, why didn't we just figure out our own plan and have Ryiah catch up with us…?"

The three of them pause a moment before Cloud finally responds, "... I think we're scared of what will happen if she's not around."

Valentine silently agrees with his eyes.

"I suppose…" Levei nods slowly.

"Hey, remember when we first came here and we lost Ryiah? She turned out to be sleeping in one of the bedrooms… should we check there?" Cloud offers.

"She does seem one to return to old habits." Valentine nods thoughtfully.

The three of them walk up the stairs of the mansion, before Cloud stops outside a large wooden door. "I think it was this way…"

"Now, Blondie, remember rule number 432, be a good little submissive and do what your dominant tells you," Ryiah's voice sounds from behind the door followed by the distinct cracking of a whip.

Cloud turns back to Levei and Valentine, slightly horrified. "I-I… should we go in there? That can't be what it… Blondie?"

Valentine surges forward and opens the door. "What is going on in here?"

"He's so brave…I've let you down." Cloud sighs, exasperated.

Valentine stands in the open door, revealing Ryiah sitting on the end of the bed with her legs crossed. "I was wondering how long you were going to be sitting out there listening."

"Ryiah… I heard…" Cloud peaks his head in.

"Hello to you, too, Cloud. It's been a long time." Ryiah nods at him. "I have someone I want you all to meet... " She reaches out and turns on the bedside lamp.

Tsiang is illuminated by the light, found sitting huddled in the corner looking frightened.

"This is Blondie, my new Turk in training."

"Blondie?! But I thought… you gave me that nickname.. because my hair was blond?" Cloud tugs on his hair.

Ryiah shakes her head. "Don't flatter yourself, I give that name to all the boys I have under me…"

Valentine scoffs.

"I mean… oh you know what I mean." Ryiah crosses her arms.

"If you really thought Ryiah of all people would make nicknames that made sense… or did _anything_ that made sense, clearly you're thinking of someone else with the same name…" Levei points out, but Cloud is too busy trying to process this to hear anything.

"If you're done playing around…" Valentine looks at Ryiah expectantly.

"Who… who are all you people? Are you here with Tsiang?" Tsiang asks, referring to Zack who is currently supposed to be posing as him.

"Tsiang? Who's that?" Levei questions.

Zack's voice floats up through the window from outside. "Hello? Ryiah? Levei? ...anyone?"

"Him!" Tsiang exclaims.

Levei shakes her head. "I think we have to back up a minute…"

"Do we have enough time for that?" Valentine glances at Cloud.

Levei snaps in front of Cloud's face. "This is almost as bad as the time Aerith died."

Cloud is suddenly in the fetal position in the corner.

"He's fine."

"This place clearly isn't as secure as we thought, seeing as your first instinct was to look for the…threat, here," Ryiah says, speaking to Levei and Cloud. "Way to go Vincey." She claps slowly and sarcastically. "Last time I listen to one of your bright ideas."

Valentine glares at her.

"So where to next, huh Blondie?"

"We could-" Cloud begins to answer but is quickly cut off by Tsiang.

"Let's go to Uncles private island, no one knows how to get there but my family… who are all dead… except me and Uncle."

"You had a great idea, and then I stopped listening because it got sappy," Ryiah states. "Rule number 4, no one cares."

Tsiang nods sadly.

"You did good, Blondie."

Cloud looks at Ryiah annoyed as she pats Tsiang on the head.

"Now let's go scare the pants off Zack before we find somewhere to hijack a boat!" Ryiah exclaims.

"Who's Zack?" Tsiang asks.

"You are."

"I thought I was Blondie."

"You'll never be Blondie," Cloud grunts, bumping Tsiang's shoulder aggressively as he passes and leaves the room.

Tsiang gives Cloud a look of confusion as the former-infantryman walks out the door. "What… what did I do?"

Valentine flips his tattered red cape over his shoulder and briskly follows Cloud out the door.

Levei puts a hand on Tsiang's shoulder. "Tagging along with Ryiah may be the death of you."

"I…I kind of get that feeling."

Outside Zack is still wandering the grounds, wondering what happened to his friends. He jumps and turns around, putting up this flashlight. "I thought it was morning, why is it always dark up here? Is it cursed? … no… that Valentine guy isn't a vampire, there's nothing to worry about…" Zack mumbles to himself as he continues walking over crunchy leaves. "Why are there so many leaves on the ground anyway? I thought it was spring, not fall… where is everyone…? Guys? Why didn't I just go inside with everyone else?"

"You're better off on your own. We all are," Cloud's voice sounds from the darkness behind him.

Zack spins around. "Oh, hey, finally. Where have you been? What do you mean we're better off on our own? I couldn't have become a hero without the support from my friends."

"I haven't seen you in 3 years, what other friends could you possibly have?" Cloud gives Zack a sheepish smile.

"Hey! What about you? You haven't been solo either these last few years, didn't you work with Valentine?"

"So I made some new friends, too…" Cloud shrugs. "But we all parted ways after Levei was freed. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe it should stay that way. We're all different now, you know? I don't want to put up with that Turk anymore, I'm not the boy I used to be."

"You're no faceless infantryman, that's for sure."

Cloud sighs. "No, no I'm not. But I've seen Ryiah for five minutes and already she has me reverting to old habits. I got jealous Zack, jealous that she called someone else Blondie. That's _my_ name!" He shakes his head. "What's wrong with me? I don't care about these things anymore."

Zack pats him on the back. "I get it buddy, but hey, we're all together again because of me, right? I need you guys. Let's work together like old times, alright? Just until we get this sorted out."

"But it's not old times, we're all different."

"I'm not different," Zack flashes his award-winning smile. "Same hair style for 10 years. When it works, it works, am I right?"

Levei is sitting cross legged off to the side on a large patch of leaves. "Don't get too cocky."

"It's hard not to. Just look at me." Zack poses.

"I'm looking… but I just can't see it."

Zack deflates.

"Yeah, definitely the same."

Zack isn't sure whether he won or not, so the Final Fantasy 'mission complete' music plays and fades away half way through.

"We need a plan of action. Zack's being hunted by Shinra. We can go rogue." Levei looks at Cloud. "Or hide in an abandon mansion. Or turn him over… Or kill him…"

"Let's not get too hasty here…" Zack sweats. "Anyone want to look up the details on that mission?" Zack says.

"They were very vague; it just said to get rid of the high-profile threat… Don't look so proud, this is a serious issue Zack," Levei scolds.

Zack hides a smug smile. "Is there anyone of the higher ups we can talk to?"

"There was that one guy, he was above you way back when… I don't think he works there anymore, though... not after the fire anyway."

"I thought we were going to the island," Ryiah says as she sits up in a tree. "It's my vacation after all."

"I'm glad you're still finding ways to enjoy your vacation, but this is serious! I can't pretend nothing's going on and enjoy myself…" Zack says, looking from Levei to Ryiah. "Jeez, what's with you women hiding in the shadows...up in trees…"

Ryiah shrugs and looks down at Levei. "It's a 'time of the month' kind of deal. Levei and I are still on the same cycle from when we used to share a bed."

Just then Valentine walks up to the group with Tsiang. "How did I get left with the kid? Two minutes...that was all it took for him to trip down the stairs and break one of the antique chandeliers. Do you know how much those cost? Nothing! They're irreplaceable!"

"I've never seen Valentine get so worked up…" Zack says.

Tsiang hangs his head.

"Clearly he's the only man with taste here," Levei says. "The rest of you...uncultured swine."

Zack acts as though he's been hit in the heart.

"Ryiah and I just don't want to be hit by the sniper that has been following us for a while now. If you stand out in the open, they'll get you," Levei adds.

"What?!" Zack exclaims.

"Anyway," Levei continues without missing a beat. "This threat won't go away, even if we run away to an island. We need to eliminate the threat. And no, sadly, I don't mean Zack."

Tsiang, the ever-learning Turk-in-training, takes notes as she talks.

"You." Levei suddenly points at him.

He jumps and fumbles with his notebook as he tries not to drop it. "Me?"

"What do you got?"

"Oh...uh...his name is really Zack, not Tsiang, and my name is Tsiang, not Blondie, and he," Tsiang says as he points at Cloud, still looking at his notes. "...is...really...Blondie?"

Cloud nonchalantly puffs up his chest with pride.

"Alright...that's, uh, a good start," Levei says.

"Thank you, ma'am. I mean, sir, I mean...wait…" Tsiang says.

"I propose we go to the source of the problem and find out what we can," Levei says.

"You don't mean...go back to Shinra HQ?!" Zack exclaims.

"We'll need someone who still works for them to go there and get information without being detected. So that leaves me, the mini Tseng, and Ryiah," Levei says, turning to Cloud and Valentine. "I'm not sure exactly where you two stand…"

"I got the mission, so I'm on their mailing list," Cloud replies. "But I'm more of a freelancer now." He shrugs.

"I work for no one," Valentine says.

"Except me, right Vincey?" Ryiah says in a sweet voice.

Valentine grimaces.

"Hey, Levei, what about your brother?" Zack says. "He always liked me, that Genesis. We were such good pals."

"Oh no, I can't see him again," Ryiah says, holding up a slip of paper.

Tsiang squints at it. "Is that... a restraining order?"

"Bad divorce." Ryiah shrugs as though it wasn't out of the ordinary.

"You were _married_?!" Zack exclaims. "How come I never knew about this? Why wasn't I invited?!"

"You were supposed to be the Maid of Honor, but Genesis wanted a simple court ceremony. He was never big on a huge wedding," Ryiah says with another shrug. "Didn't like being in the spotlight or something."

"Wow, you were married to _the_ Genesis?" Tsiang asks.

"Rule Number 78, Blondie, don't believe everything you hear."

Cloud turns to Levei. "So can we trust your brother? We can leave the Turk behind. We don't need her, anyway."

"Cloud! How could you!" Ryiah cries.

"Yeah, we can trust Genesis," Levei replies, ignoring Ryiah's outburst. "But I think we could also use the Turk, as painful as it is to say. The Turks are resourceful and powerful, as you well know."

Cloud avoids looking at Ryiah. "I guess."

"And remember, it's for Zack..."

"Yeah!" Zack adds.

"...who needs all the help he can get."

"...Y-yeah?"

"Last I heard, Genesis is working not too far from HQ, still cleaning things up after the accident. I can give him a call, see what he can dig up. We'll use our special non-work phones so Shinra doesn't catch on." Levei pulls out a fancy Japanese-looking flip phone with a chocobo charm dangling from the back.

"It's so…" Zack starts, looking at Levei's glare. "...girly…?"

"It's light red."

"You mean pink…"

"So is yours."

"No it's not, what are you talking about?" Zack puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a pink phone. "How did you…? When did you…? Why?!"

"Let's split up then," Ryiah says. "If I go near your brother, Levei, I'm going to get put in the red list, too. Right next to Zack here. We should try not to let Genesis see Zack, anyway. I don't think he'd have any reservations of turning him over." She pats Zack on the shoulder. "Someone has to look after him."

"I can look after myself…"

"Because you were doing such a good job of that when I found you, looking like a lost puppy on the beach."

"Hey! I was fine! No one recognized me and I got a great tan going."

"_I_ recognized you, even after I tried so hard to forget your face."

"You tried to forget me?" Zack asks with a sad face.

"Painful memories…" Ryiah says with a simple shrug. "I tried to forget all of you since no one bothered to call." She glares at them individually.

"Maybe if you didn't change your phone number it would have been easier," Cloud snaps, glaring back at her.

"I tried to send you a Christmas card, but it got returned…" Zack says.

Ryiah points to herself. "Turk. I can't have anyone be able to track me down! It's not safe," she says, swatting Tsiang on the shoulder. "Remember that, Blondie."

Cloud perks up slightly, then deflates when he realizes the name wasn't directed at him.

"Alright, Valentine and I will take Zack on an infiltration mission...to the pub outside of Shinra HQ, the one where all the infantrymen go after their shifts," Ryiah says. "Hopefully we'll overhear something from some drunk soldier. But Zack's gonna need a better disguise. Cloud, do you still have your old infantryman costume?"

"Costume? You mean _uniform_?" Cloud shakes his head with annoyance.

"Uniform, costume, fantasy gear, whatever." Ryiah waves her hand. "It's not like you did any work back then. You just dressed the part and followed Zack around like a duckling. So, can you hook us up?"

Cloud scowls. "No. I didn't hang onto it after I left Shinra. Why would I?"

"Useless. We'll have to do the old kidnap and switch clothes routine. How cliche. Cloud, Levei, you take Tsiang. He can, uh...learn a lot." She tries to hide a laugh but immediately fails. "Sorry, sorry...It's best if he's out of my way. I work best solo...with two hot men by my side." She winks at Valentine and Zack.

Zack fist pumps, then frowns. "Wait, then that's not solo."

Ryiah waves her hand. "Everyone set? Any objections?"

"It would be better if Cloud were to accompany you, Ryiah," Valentine interjects. "Since he was once an infantryman he can better play the part. I don't mind going with Levei. She oddly seems...the lesser of the evils." He turns to Levei, almost smiling, but not quite.

"But my entourage of hot men!"

Cloud scowls again.

Levei hides a smile. "That works, I trust Valentine. He's competent. Not to say you're not, Cloud. Clearly things have changed."

"More than I would like…" Cloud mutters.

"What?"

"Nothing. Everyone can do whatever, I don't care."

"Alright then, Valentine, me and our plus one will go see what we can find out from Genesis."

"Plus...one?" Tsiang repeats. "But...aren't I supposed to stay with Ryiah…?" He turns to Ryiah who glares down at him, and quickly turns to Levei. "Never...mind...whatever you say sir."

"Do we all have a way to contact each other? And we need a meeting place. And this time _not_ in any bathroom," Levei says, looking pointedly at Ryiah.

"...bathroom?" Valentine and Tsiang mutter curiously.

"Why don't you two meet up with us at the pub when you're finished?" Ryiah suggests.

"There are three of us," Valentine points out.

"If you'd let me finish…" Ryiah glares at Valentine. "And Tsiang can go back to Turk HQ and stop _bothering me_." She smiles sweetly.

"But...I'm not allowed…" Tsiang raises a shy finger.

"Why me? Tseng, baby, I will get you back for this."

"Can we get going already? We're wasting time," Cloud says impatiently.

"Yeah, as much as I love reconnecting with you guys, it's only a matter of time before someone tracks me down…" Zack adds.

"So we'll meet at the pub after you finish speaking with Genesis," Ryiah confirms. "Oh, can you give him this for me?" She hands Valentine a note; he tries to open it, but is stopped by Ryiah. "Don't read it! It's for his eyes only. Super...confidential."

"I didn't want to know anyway," Valentine says, tucking it under his red head scarf.

Levei nods at them and starts walking off, Valentine coolly walking beside her.

"Hey, wait for me!" Tsiang exclaims, running after them.

Cloud awkwardly stands next to Ryiah and Zack, looking slightly irritated.

"Alright gang!" Zack claps his hands. "Who has a helicopter?"

"I have a motorcycle," Cloud offers.

Zack looks at Ryiah. "Any Turk connections you have that will help us?"

Cloud folds his arms.

"Turk connections?" Ryiah flicks Zack on the head. "What don't you understand about being on the lam?! Oh, let me just call my supervisor. 'Hey buddy, I need a get-away-chopper to fly the red-level threat out of the country.' Psh. Like I have a supervisor…"

Zack sighs and rubs his head. "Should we just call another cab then?"

Cloud revs up his bike. "I'll meet you guys there."

"Oh no you don't," Ryiah says, jumping on the back and wrapping her arms around Cloud.

"What are you doing?" Cloud scowls. "Get off."

"Yeah, you can't leave me here!" Zack says.

"Get on," Ryiah says, nodding behind her.

"We're not in Vietnam, Ryiah! We can't fit ten people on one bike!"

Cloud sighs. "Just get on, Zack. I need a drink."


	6. Get Into Character

**Chapter Six: Get Into Character**

Levei walks into Shinra HQ with Valentine and Tsiang following closely behind. No one gives them a second look as busy soldiers and infantrymen pass by.

"If Uncle Tseng knows I'm here… he's going to be so angry…." Tsiang mumbles, worried.

"Tseng knows everything, you should know this by now. " Levei states.

Tsiang hands his head as he walks.

"This should be quick and painless, so don't make it any worse than necessary."

Valentine hides half his face in his collar as he walks, trying to avoid eye contact with passing people.

"... he doesn't look like he's the fooling around type," Tsiang says, speaking about Valentine.

"I wasn't talk to Valentine. He's a trained professional."

Valentine is so focused on not tripping over himself under the pressure of the stares that he doesn't hear Levei and Tsiang talking.

"Alright, we're here... We may have to find elsewhere at Shinra to discuss the matter, since they have ears everywhere...but we'll see." Levei opens the door, ducking as a sword zooms by, getting stuck in the wall behind her.

Tsiang passes out.

Genesis walks out with a smirk, then quickly frowns. "I was hoping you were the new page. Shame…"

"You were trying to kill your assistant?" Valentine asks.

"Not kill… per se. Just scare him a little. He gets on my nerves. Anyway, get inside and clean that up." Genesis motions towards Tsiang who is still out cold on the floor. "My patience grows as thin as my slender body." And with that he retreats back into his room.

Levei follows him with Valentine dragging Tsiang along.

* * *

Cloud pulls up in front of the pub looking like a badass, decked out in leather and sunglasses, his hair in perfect blonde spikes seemingly untouched by the wind.

Ryiah holds onto Cloud with one arm around his waist, the other holding an ice cream cone that she licks. The ice cream slowly drips onto Cloud's hair.

Zack sits behind Ryiah sipping a kid-sized soda and holding a happy meal.

"Thanks for stopping by the drive thru, Cloud. I was famished," Ryiah says.

Cloud scowls.

"Yeah buddy, this really hits the spot," Zack agrees.

"Get. Off," Cloud growls.

Ryiah shrugs as her and Zack get of the bike, she trips and the rest of her ice cream lands on Cloud. "Woops…" Her eyes go wide. "Guess it's lucky we're getting some new outfits…"

"How did I ever used to put up with you two…"

Zack pats him on the pack. "Lighten up! If we get captured, it's not your head that will roll!" He smiles then it slowly fades into realization of what he said.

"That obviously isn't the right way to look at it… but it's a start." Cloud wipes some of the ice cream off with his gloves.

* * *

In Genesis' room, Levei sits at his desk, Valentine at one of the chairs, and Tsiang still lay on the ground near the closed door.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this midday interruption?" Genesis asks, sitting on his bed and looking at his sister expectantly.

"Is this room secure?" Levei asks in a low voice.

"Of course it is. I may work for Shinra, but Shinra works for me."

Valentine frowns thoughtfully at Genesis' words, but makes no comment as Levei speaks.

"Alright...we need your help."

"I surmised as much. Usually you don't parade around with…" Genesis motions toward Valentine and Tsiang. "Whatever this is. Friends, I assume?"

"Half right. You know a thing or two about...friends," Levei replies.

Genesis smirks. "Of course."

"This is a good segue into our...problem. I'll cut to the chase: one of our friends is now in trouble with Shinra, and we need to figure out why."

"If it's one of these guys, I wouldn't suggest bringing them here."

"It's not. It's...Zack."

"I always knew he would cause trouble. More trouble…"

"You mean you didn't know?"

He looks at Levei with a meaningful look. "I don't know what I can do to help."

"We just need information," Valentine speaks up. "Then we'll try to figure out a way to fix it."

Genesis turns his attention to the red-cloaked man. "You look familiar...do you do any acting?"

* * *

After ambushing an unsuspecting group of three infantryman conversing outside the pub, Ryiah, Zack and Cloud, all three decked out in matching infantry uniforms, enter the bar, casually glancing around as if to not raise suspicion.

Ryiah walks up to the bar and knocks her knuckles against the counter. "I'll take three alcoholic drinks please."

"Uh...care to be more specific?" the bartender says.

Cloud pushes Ryiah out of the way. "Give me a whiskey, neat, three fingers, and keep 'em comin'."

The bartender pours his drink and slides it over.

Ryiah turns to Zack. "What'll it be, big boy?"

Zack scratches the back of his head. "I don't, uh...like to drink."

"Great." Ryiah stares at Zack for a moment. "Has anyone told you that you're horrible at disguises? I mean, seriously, get into character." She shakes her head and turns back to the bartender. "We'll take a bottle of tequila."

"A...bottle? We don't do that...sir," the bartender replies.

"Why did I even bother coming to this place?!" Ryiah exclaims, throwing her hands up. "The service...just terrible." She shakes her head again.

The bartender glares at Ryiah and pours a couple of shots, passing them to her. He then sneaks one for himself when he turns around, muttering, "God, I hate this job…"

"We should probably take it easy...we don't know what will happen when we hear news, whether it's good or bad," Zack says, eyeing the shots warily. "We'll still need to be ready."

Cloud ignores him and throws back his drink in a matter of seconds.

* * *

"Genesis, focus," Levei says. "We need to act fast. We don't know how long we have."

"Right...well, what do you need to know specifically?" Genesis asks.

"Anything they have on Zack. Why he's in trouble, what he did, who's really responsible…"

"Is it possible he really is guilty of whatever they're accusing him of?"

"Please, Zack? He couldn't hurt a fly...even if he tried and planned its demise for months. It's Zack."

"All I'm saying is...don't let your feelings cloud your judgment."

"Feelings? Please, Genesis, it's not like that."

"It was not too long ago…"

"I've moved on. We both have." Levei side glances at Valentine. "We don't really have time to figure this out right now. Can you get us the information or not?"

"I believe so," Genesis replies with a sigh. "You know, I miss the old, less pushy Levei."

Levei shrugs. "I miss you hanging out with your friends so you didn't have to bother me."

"Well, you know how things are. Things happen, bridges are _burned_. I'll meet you back here in about thirty minutes. Don't act too suspicious and arouse attention." He walks past them and toward the door, stepping over Tsiang and looking at him and Valentine. "Although I think it may be impossible for you now.

Valentine turns to Levei as Genesis walks out. "So...what now?"

"Let's just walk around, maybe get some information from some other soldiers," Levei says as she stands up.

She walks over to Tsiang and kicks his legs. He jolts awake and looks up at her with surprised eyes.

"What happened?!" he exclaims just as Valentine steps over him and is hit in the face by his long red cape.

* * *

Ryiah takes a seat at the bar further down to eavesdrop on a table of three infantrymen talking.

Zack slides onto the stool next to her, tentatively sipping on his shot and grimacing every time.

Ryiah raises an eyebrow at Zack. "Shouldn't you be sitting with your _friends_, soldier?" She nods to another table full of unsuspecting infantrymen.

"I thought we were friends…" Zack takes another sip and scowls.

"Gawd Za-Tsiang, whoever you are," Ryiah harshly whispers. "You're embarrassing me! And you're totally blowing my cover. Go socialize yourself, we'll gather more info if we spread out. And for the love of Sephiroth, down that shot!" She pushes the shot up into his mouth so he's forced to take all of it.

Zack wheezes. "Fine...I'll go...see what Cloud's doing."

Ryiah facepalms. "You Soldiers really don't understand the concept of 'undercover'."

"...wait…" Zack says, ready to point out the logic error when Ryiah pushes him toward the other Soldiers.

* * *

Levei leads Valentine and Tsiang out into the hallways, glancing at some infantrymen scattered throughout the area. "I'll start this way, you two go that way. We'll meet on the other side of this conveniently circular level."

"Are you sure him and I should go...together?" Valentine asks.

"You don't have to be part of the same group of these guys, just find one and casually talk."

"Casually...right."

Valentine looks at Tsiang, who nervously glances at the security cameras.

"Looking guilty is not going to help," Levei says.

"It's just...I know Uncle Tseng watches those…" Tsiang says in a low voice.

"He doesn't need those to keep an eye on anyone," Levei reminds him.

Tsiang swallows audibly as Levei starts off in one direction. Valentine drags Tsiang in the other direction.

Levei joins a small group of Soldiers, trying to be casual. But they all immediately turn to her and stare.

"Oh my gosh, are you Levei?" one Soldier asks.

"No way, _the _Levei?" another adds.

"Are you really a girl?" the third one pipes in.

"Of course! That was like a million years ago since they announced that!"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Can you punch me in the stomach? I saw you do it to another infantryman...he had spiky, blond hair, it was awesome!"

Levei ducks out of the group and starts walking away hastily. "This isn't working out how I planned…" she mutters.

Valentine joins a group a little off from where Levei had failed and all eyes turn silently to stare at this new, mysterious figure. A little ways from him, Tsiang is able to join a group without anyone noticing him, proving that when it comes to blending in, Tsiang is the man for the job.

* * *

Ryiah sits near a group of infantrymen, listening to their conversation unnoticed.

"I think it's evil, man," Infantryman 154 says. "Them putting us on an impossible mission."

"Nah man, it's awesome!" Infantryman 425 replies. "They don't expect us to find the guy, so we can sit on our asses and look busy. I just bought a Kindle. Needless to say, I'm havin' the time of of my life."

"Psh, I bet you are," Infantryman 708 says dismissively. "You hide in your bunk and read girl porn all day!"

"It's not porn! They're romance _novels_...they're literature," Infantryman 425 snaps as he crosses his arms. "With highly developed plots and intriguing characters."

"Well I for one want to actually get somewhere in this company," Infantryman 154 continues. "I wanna be a hero, like Zack Fair!"

Ryiah can't stifle her laugh in time. "If only you knew…"

The group of three turn to look at her.

"Knew what? Hey, are you listening to our conversation?!"

"Yeah, our conversation is private! You have no right, buddy!"

"Don't worry, I didn't hear anything about your passion for female erotica," Ryiah says with a wave of her hand. "I was just agreeing with your stance on...this 'impossible mission.' Pretty crappy of Shinra, right?"

"You're on the mission, too?" Infantryman 708 asks.

Infantryman 154 narrows his eyes at her. "I haven't seen you around before...you're a girl, right? I thought only infantry_men_ could take on this mission."

"You're on the mission, so apparently that's not true," Ryiah replies, crossing her arms. "50 Shades of _Gay_."

Infantryman 708 and 425 laugh at the now scowling Infantryman 154.

Ryiah shrugs. "Not my best work, but I'll take the reaction."

"This chick's alright," Infantryman 708 says in an approving tone.

"I'm more than alright, I'm in perfect health!" Ryiah raises her hand for a high five.

Infantryman 425 readily slaps her hand, then frowns. "Wait...what?"

"Wow, being one of the guys is easy… So, what do you dudes got so far on this mission?"

"More than you, probably," Infantryman 154 says, still scowling.

"You think so? I bet you didn't know that the threat is Z-"

Just before she finishes her sentence Zack trips and runs into her, cutting her off.

"Sorry...I-I lost my footing, the shot went right through me… That's the expression, right?" he asks.

"What the heck, you jerk! I was onto something!" Ryiah says in a quiet voice to Zack.

Over across the room, Cloud looks at them and shakes his head, glad he wasn't a part of the commotion.

Zack adjusts himself and looked down at Ryiah sheepishly. "We're, uh, partners, so...I don't want you giving away information without me there."

Ryiah straightens her infantryman costume and turns to the group who stare at them. "Anyway...as I was saying…"

Zack gives her a pleading look as the infantrymen look at her expectantly.

"I bet you didn't know the threat was z...zipped up tight in hiding…somewhere undisclosed."

Zack lets out a sigh of relief.

"What the heck! What kind of information is that?!" Infantryman 154 exclaims. "Of course we know he's hiding in an undisclosed location!"

Ryiah shrugs. "I guess I misjudged your intelligence. So what do you guys know then? Since you seem to know so much more than us."

"We know he's a red-level threat, he's dangerous, probably fully armed, and wants to cause harm to Shinra!" Infantryman 425 says.

"I heard he was completely mad, like psycho," Infantryman 708 says.

"Oh yeah, I heard he has a super sexy assassin friend," Ryiah says.

"Yeah, yeah, I heard that, too," Infantryman 425 corroborates.

Ryiah winks at Zack.

"Oh come on, everyone knows it's Zack Fair. Nameless Infantryman 390 saw him go on the run! He almost caught him," Infantryman 154 exclaims. "He's none of those things; dangerous, fully armed psycho? He's just a happy-go-lucky sap who'd do anything for his company. I don't understand why he's even a threat, anyway, he couldn't threaten anyone."

"Hey, that's not true," Zack protests. "Zack Fair is way threatening!"

"He's a threat to himself, anyway," Ryiah says with a shrug. "Someone really does need to lock him up in a white padded room, if you know what I mean."

"Hey! Zack is a hero, show some respect!" Zack exclaims.

Cloud struts up to the group at that moment. "We'd better get going. Let's head for Fair's hometown. I don't think anyone has checked there yet."

"Actually at least three troops have run that place to the ground. He's not there, no reason to check. Seriously, it's been exhausted."

"Right, thanks," Cloud replies with a nod. He leads Ryiah and Zack outside, and turns to them. "Was that so hard? We're heading to Gongaga. No one will bother us there."

"Way to go, Cloud! You've really turned into an excellent SOLDIER!" Zack praises him.

"Wow, Cloud, you successfully found a place we can hide out where we will have absolutely _no_ chance of figuring out why Zack is wanted in the first place!" Ryiah adds, her words dripping with sarcasm.

Cloud sighs.


	7. Thanks for Calling Your Beloved Hero

**Chapter Seven: Thanks for Calling Your Beloved Hero**

After a while, Levei sits on a chair with her feet up on the table and her hands folded behind her head. She looks relaxed, almost as though she could fall asleep. Within viewing distance, Valentine still stands silently near a group, listening to their conversation.

Tsiang walks over to Levei and sits down.

Levei looks over slightly at him, maintaining her relaxed position. "What do you got, kid?"

Tsiang pulls out a small notepad from his pocket. "Half of the people I listened to, when mentioning Zack, talked about how they wanted to become more like him. Another percentage talked about the recent arson fires in the older part of HQ attributing to hundreds of deaths, although that's not important so I'll move right along… No one mentioned anything about Zack being a target." Tsiang closes his notebook, looking proudly at Levei as though waiting for a compliment.

Levei reaches over and pats him on the head. "Good work. But that doesn't solve anything, really. It actually adds more questions, such as why is no one talking about a big hero turned serious threat?"

Tsiang slightly deflates, his proud smile quickly vanishing.

"But it was good information gathering. Keep it up and we'll talk about a promotion," Levei says.

"P-promotion?" Tsiang stutters.

"Don't look so hopeful." Levei pauses thoughtfully. "Man, that brings back memories."

Quietly joining the group, Valentine seemingly appears out of nowhere. "I learned pretty much the same."

Tsiang jumps at his words, not having seen him walk over.

"Hmm…" Levei looks over and notices Genesis walking past them back to his room. "That's our cue."

She gets up, the other two in tow, and follows Genesis into his room, closing the door behind them.

* * *

Outside of Shinra HQ, Levei sits on a bench with her hands folded, leaning forward with a frown on her face. Valentine stands next to her, looking down at her silently. She looks up at him, maintaining eye contact, but says nothing. Tsiang awkwardly stands on the other side, looking at them.

"Should I...leave you two alone?" he asks.

The two suddenly look at him.

"...you're right, I don't have anywhere to be." He hangs his head.

Valentine turns back to Levei. "Should we go meet them?"

Levei looks at the ground. "I don't know…"

Valentine pauses a moment, then sits down next to her. "We have to confront him."

"There has to be some mistake."

"The only way we'll find out is if we talk to the source."

"Maybe we should wait. See if we found out anything else. What if it is true? Then we can't trust him."

"Zack is an honest idiot. He would never-"

"That's not what the story says. They said he did."

"Shinra lies all the time."

"I guess… We'll wait and watch him. See if he does anything. Until then, we'll feign we learned nothing from this trip. We don't tell Cloud or Ryiah, either." She looks pointedly at Tsiang.

Tsiang salutes. "Sir, yes, sir!"

"Even if she threatens you."

"But...her eyes...they see into my soul… And if I don't tell her, she'll have me fired."

"That is nothing compared to what I'll do to you."

Tsiang's eyes nervously dart to Valentine, who responds by slowly moving his finger across his neck in the universal "She'll kill you" sign.

"I...I won't tell a soul." Tsiang crosses his heart with his finger.

* * *

"We'd better get going. Maybe Levei had better luck," Ryiah says as her, Cloud, and Zack wait outside the back of the pub. "She's not a Turk, but damn, she's intimidating."

"Levei intimidates you?" Zack asks.

"Me? Oh no, no, no, that's impossible. But you've seen her work. Cloud, you could learn a thing or two."

Cloud looks annoyed as he prepares to mount his bike.

"By the way, I'm driving," Ryiah says.

"No," Cloud replies simply.

"I get car sick if I don't drive," Ryiah persists.

"It's my bike, Ryiah, don't be difficult."

Ryiah looks dumbfounded that Cloud would tell her no, momentarily speechless.

"You don't even know how to drive a motorcycle," Cloud says after a few moments pass.

"How could you! I was actually in a motorcycle _gang_ in my youth!"

"In your youth?" Zack repeats. "How old are you?"

"Never ask a lady that question!"

Zack smiles and scratches the back of his head. "Sorry, I forgot you were...nothing. Never mind. I didn't say anything."

* * *

In the front of the bar, Levei, Valentine and Tsiang finally make it and look around.

"Do you think they're inside?" Levei asks.

"I bet they left," Valentine says.

"But...they told us to meet them here," Tsiang pipes up.

"Ryiah lies all the time."

"Someone should call them" Levei says, looking at the two.

"...still don't have a phone," Valentine replies.

"Ryiah wouldn't give me her number...Uncle won't even give me his number…" Tsiang says sadly.

Levei sighs and pulls out her phone, dialing Zack's number.

* * *

In the back of the bar, Zack pulls out his ringing phone and answers, "Thanks for calling your beloved hero, this is Zack Fair speaking, how may I help you?"

The infantrymen nearby began whispering to each other and looking at Zack, preparing to jump him.

"You idiot!" Ryiah exclaims. "Why would you announce yourself like that?!"

"Why would you answer your phone like that?!" Cloud adds.

"My receptionist is on vacation…" Zack replies.

"Let's get out of here!"

Zack turns his attention back to his phone. "Wait, who is this?"

* * *

Levei hangs up the phone and looks at Valentine. "We should probably go somewhere and...try to hide."

"Oh gosh, they're onto us! We're so dead!" Tsiang exclaims.

"Keep quiet, let's just walk away casually…"

Just as she starts to turn away, Zack runs out the door with Ryiah and Cloud behind him. "Levei! Over here!" he shouts. "Someone called me and-"

"Zack totally gave away our position!" Ryiah adds as bullets fly past them.

"Idiot," Cloud mutters, dodging the bullets.

"They didn't even say anything!" Zack shouts. "I think someone was trying to sabotage me...they know Levei! They know who I am!"

"Everyone knows who you are!" Ryiah exclaimed. "You're a red-level threat, you dork! It's not secret! In hindsight you probably should have turned off and destroyed your phone…"

Tsiang takes out his phone, turns it off, and throws it to the ground, smashing it over and over again with his foot.

Ryiah stands next to him and watches. "Right, well...that was helpful," she said with sarcasm in her voice. She pinched Tsiang's arm. "Lesson 7896, if there are bullets flying…"

"Get out of here?" Tsiang finished.

"Try and catch them with your teeth!"

"Don't lie to the kid, he's going to get himself killed," Cloud scolded. "It's hard enough for him to stay alive as it is."

Ryiah shrugs. "Worth a shot."

Zack dodges another bullet. "Let's, uh...get out of here."

Levei jumps into the car they had taken to get there, with Valentine quickly beside her in the passenger seat. Tsiang trips as he's running, gets up, and then runs toward the car.

Cloud gets on his bike, waiting for Ryiah and Zack to get on.

"Great, this is just great," Levei says as she drives speedily down the road. "Now we're implicated in this."

"I'm sure your brother will cover for you," Valentine says.

"I'm more worried about the kid," she replies, pointing to the back seat.

"Uncle Tseng is going to be so angry when he finds out...he's going to ground me! Or worse: make me work only with Ryiah forever!" Tsiang sobs. "I can't handle this anymore, I have to get out of here!"

"Just calm down, we'll figure this out. We need that Turk training to kick in now."

"I have no experience as a Turk, I don't know what I'm doing!" Tsiang cries out.

"I think Tseng is carrying the entire Turk organization. He's the only one of them I've seen actually doing his job."

Valentine coughs.

"Oh...do you still count as a Turk?"

"I have the training."

"I knew I could count on you."

"Is Ryiah still following us?" Tsiang asks. He turns around and sees the other three on the motorcycle following their car. "They're right behind us."

"So where do we go?" Levei glances at Valentine, who gives her a blank look.

"We should leave the country!" Tsiang suggests.

Valentine points to Tsiang. "It's probably best if we do lay low while we regroup. That way if it does come to it...Zack won't have a means of escape. Isolation is key."

Tsiang sighs. "And Ryiah will get her vacation…"

* * *

At the docks, the group is safe and sound, having avoided the infantrymen. After they made sure the coast was clear, Levei and Valentine explain their plan to the others.

"We're going out of the country?!" Ryiah exclaims. "Good thing I left this on~!" She rips off her Turk suit, revealing a bright green bikini underneath. "Sun and strong drinks, here I come! You could really use a tan, Vincey. Don't worry, I'll rub tanning lotion all over those strong biceps."

Cloud pushes past everyone and gets on the boat and heads the mast, his hair blowing in the wind.

"Thanks guys...for helping me," Zack says, patting Valentine on the shoulder. "We'll get through this. I just gotta figure out why they're after me so I can prove I didn't do anything!"

Valentine turns and gives Levei a look.

"But what if you are guilty?" Tsiang asks. "What if you're planning on murdering us as soon as we trust you completely?! I don't even know you!"

"That was the plan all along, Blondie. Actually, he's been hired to murder _you_, hired by all of us. Now get on that boat, my island awaits!" Ryiah says, pushing him forward.

* * *

On the island the group had set sail for, snow drifts blow in a thick haze, making it impossible to see more than a few feet ahead. As far as the eye can see, there's nothing but white and silence.

Ryiah stands in her bikini, shaking violently. "Wh-wh-what k-kind o-o-of tr-tropical island i-i-i-is this?!"

Valentine stands beside her, completely unfazed by the cold. "No one said anything about tropical. There's a cabin up to the north. We'd better get there before nightfall."

"Nightfall?" Zack repeated. "How can you even tell what time of day it is? There's no sun or darkness, just white!"

"Because…" Valentine glances at Tsiang and turns back to Zack. "I'm a Turk." He walks ahead of the group.

Zack leans to Tsiang. "Can you do that kind of thing?"

"...no…" Tsiang hangs his head in shame.

"Make sure your phone is off, Zack," Levei reminds him.

"Right!" Zack double checks that his phone is indeed off.

"H-how l-long do we have to s-stay out here for?" Tsiang stutters, shivering.

"Until it's...safe? I don't know," Zack says with a shrug. "Did you guys find out anything at HQ?"

"Let's just focus on getting to the cabin before Tsiang freezes," Levei replies.

"I'm f-fine...r-really…"

Levei rolls her eyes and puts her jacket around his shoulders, then turns to catch up with Valentine.

"Th-thanks," he stutters, pulling her jacket closer.

"Huh…" Zack says after seeing Levei and Tsiang's little exchange. "Looks like...old times."

He glances at Cloud, who glances at Ryiah. "Don't remind me."

"Gi-give me your ja-ja-jacket, Cl-Cloud!" Ryiah rubs her arms.

Cloud shakes his head. "Maybe you should have been more prepared." He follows Valentine and Levei.

"Here, Ryiah, I'll make sure you don't freeze to death. Just dance!" Zack starts dancing around. "It always works for me. Although I do run hot...it's all the muscles and heavy workouts." He fist pumps and continues dancing.

"I'm going to burn Tsiang…" Ryiah says almost to herself as she follows the group. "I knew there was a reason Tseng sent him along. He knew this would happen and I'd need firewood."

Levei turns and notices Cloud walking alongside her and Valentine, then back at Ryiah, Zack, and Tsiang who trailed behind them out of earshot. "Looks like natural selection is already going to work."

"When did a simple mission turn into...this?" Cloud asks.

Levei rubs her bare arms while looking forward with a serious face. "I blame friends. Genesis always warned me about them. Just look what happened to the buildings that were burned down." There's a pause and Levei notices Cloud's distraught face. "Don't be so serious, lighten up a little." She nudges him. "We're only dealing with Shinra. Look at Valentine, he's been dodging them for...however long. We've got this."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

Levei continues looking ahead. "I know."


	8. Next Hero of the Turks

**Chapter Eight: Next Hero of the Turks**

Finally arriving at the cabin, the group huddles together in the small front room.

"I call the first hot bath!" Ryiah announces. "Although you're welcome to join me, Vincey."

"There is no hot water," Valentine replies.

"WHAT?!"

"It's a cabin...in the middle of a blizzard. This island doesn't have means for human habitation, let alone electricity. It's used only for research. It belongs to a few scientists who observe human interaction when isolated without social media in a small, enclosed space for weeks on end."

"I wish I would have known about this place sooner…" Levei says, looking around.

"So we could have come here earlier?" Tsiang asks.

"No, so I could have escaped everyone…" She sighs. "Well, we should look around, see if they left anything that we can use."

"What exactly should I look for?"

"Surely they taught you this in Turk training…" Levei turns to Ryiah. "What kinds of things are you teaching there nowadays? I'm pretty sure even Cloud knows more than that."

Cloud grimaces. "Don't remind me…"

"I'm retired, actually," Ryiah says. "From teaching. I had too many lawsuits of sexual harassment."

"No way!" Zack exclaims. "I thought you only taught Cloud unofficially."

"I did, he filed a new report almost daily!"

"You kept harassing me!"

"You loved it!"

"No one loves being sexually harassed."

"And so the breakdown of civilization begins…" Valentine says in an ominous tone.

"I don't think this group ever started out being civilized," Levei points out. "It was a doomed mission from the start."

"I'm afraid you're probably right…"

"Were you guys always this close?" Tsiang asks, noticing the friendly exchanges between everyone. "I wish I had close friends, too...or a girlfriend...or a cat."

"Just give up being a Turk and start your own chocobo ranch. You'll have friends then," Levei suggests.

"Don't put your dangerous fantasies on him," Cloud scolds.

"Someone will own that ranch if it's the last thing I do." She glances at his hair and then looks away. "Tsiang, see if there are any heaters around."

"Sir!" Tsiang salutes and runs into the other room.

"The only source of heat is the wood burning stove," Valentine says after Tsiang is out of the room. "Someone needs to chop some wood." He rolls up his sleeves and walks out the front door.

"You just sent him off to get heaters to keep him busy, didn't you?" Cloud asks Levei.

Levei shrugs. "I kinda feel bad for him, you know? Being with Ryiah so much can really take a toll on your health…"

Cloud nods.

"And I've taken an interest in his development," she continues. "I see potential. I don't want it to be killed. Which he may be if he continues on how he is…"

"That's...awfully noble of you," Zack chimes in. "A little weird, but noble, I think."

"If we make it out of this alive, I'll try and help him."

Tsiang runs back into the room. "I don't see any heaters."

"Check for blankets."

"Alright!" Tsiang runs back out.

"Maybe he'll be the next Hero of the Turks." As she finishes her sentence, a cute "Kupo~!" noise sounds out. She checks her phone, which shows a message simply reading: '_No_.' "Well, hey, I tried."

Just then Valentine walks back inside with an armful of logs and a dead rabbit.

"My hero," Ryiah says.

"Hey!" Zack exclaims. "I'm the hero here!"

"Not anymore…" Cloud mutters.

"Yeah, you've been exiled, buddy. Have you seen your fan club website? It's been shut down and replaced with a new hero…"

"A...A new hero? Who?!"

Ryiah shrugs. "See for yourself." She holds up her phone.

"No electricity or social media, yet your phones still work…" Cloud says.

"This is the island of Plot Holes," Valentine points out. "It's actually where the movie Frozen was filmed."

Levei groans.

"What?" Cloud asks.

"Don't watch the movie."

"I don't even think that's a real movie. I've never heard of it."

"You're living in a bubble, Cloud."

"...I don't think so."

"Then how does Valentine know it?"

"He's humoring you." Cloud takes some logs from Valentine and puts them in the fireplace.

Zack tries to grab the phone out of Ryiah's hand. "I...I can't believe it."

"Who is it?"

"See for yourself, Cloud." Ryiah holds the phone out for Cloud.

"No...way…"

Tsiang comes into the room with a handful of old rags. "I found these…"

"Oh my god, Tsiang, what's wrong with you?!" Ryiah exclaims.

"What?" Tsiang looks down at the rags in his hands. "Blankets?"

"There's a dead body in there!"

Tsiang screams and throws the rags.

"Just kidding...but those are seriously icky."

Ignoring this little exchange, Valentine turns to Cloud. "...I don't really care, but who is it?"

Cloud leans over and lets Valentine look at the phone.

"...It's...it's me…" he says, barely audible. "How could this have happened? I've been living off the grid for so long, I…"

"I may or may not have had something to do with it…" Ryiah says, scratching the back of her neck. "I may have been taking photos of you and posting your good deeds on Twitter. Not all of them were lies; I have photos to prove it. I heard they're even going to make a game about it, for the PS2, actually." She shrugs.

"I...don't know what to say…" Valentine suddenly pulls out his guns and aims them at Ryiah. "But I know what to do."

"It was bound to happen…" Levei says.

"Him killing us all?!" Tsiang exclaims.

"No, Valentine getting his own fan club. I mean…" She gazes at him. "I see it."

"I wouldn't say your taste is...good. Remember those black hooded guys on the boat?" Zack reminds her.

Levei sighs longingly in remembrance. "I do. I also remember you two getting scared by sharks."

"They were in the water! Who isn't scared of sharks?! Normal people are! Right, Cloud?"

"..."

"...wait…" Valentine slowly puts his guns down. "Good deeds…? What photos do you have?"

Ryiah smiles sweetly. "Oh, you know, you saving a kid from a fire and helping him find his parents; you saving people from evil monsters; you killing some redheaded bitch…"

"But you're redheaded, Ryiah," Tsiang points out.

"And you're a bitch," Cloud adds.

"You'll have to play the game to learn more." Ryiah shrugs before nonchalantly walking over to Cloud, looking him in the eye, and then turning up her nose before walking back to where she was standing before.

Cloud stares at Ryiah, seemingly unfazed.

"She's lying," Valentine says. "Those were obviously doctored."

"I wouldn't have believed it when we first met, Valentine," Zack says, putting a hand on his shoulder. "But after you decided to help me prove my innocence, I knew I had been wrong about you." He smiles at him.

Valentine shrugs his hand off his shoulder. "I've made a terrible mistake."

"He's seen that show, too…" Levei mutters to herself. "He's more pop culturally aware than I thought…"

"Oh, Ryiah! Can you use your phone somehow to help us out?" Zack asks. "Any information, Turk databases...I don't know how powerful your phone is, but...it could help, right?"

"You aren't being tracked, are you?" Cloud asks.

"Actually, Cloud, I'm glad you asked," Ryiah says softly. "You see, being the Queen of the Turks as I now am, I also gained the responsibility of carrying the master tracker." She pulls up an app on her phone. "I can see the location of everyone at any time. No one else can access it except Tseng." She shrugs. "But he has better things to do with his time.

"He opened up his own clothing store," Tsiang elaborates.

"That man is so talented with his hands," Ryiah says, swooning.

Tsiang blushes.

"They gave _you_ that? You?" Cloud says. "And you say SOLDIER is the dumb department."

"If only there was some way to use this power of being able to find people to our advantage...is there anyone we could locate that could help us?" Zack asks.

"I think we've recruited enough people to help us, Zack," Levei says. "We even roped Valentine into it, and he's as undercover as they go."

"Yeah, maybe you're right...and you guys already talked to Genesis. Oh, that's right! What did you say you guys got from him?"

"Nothing!" Tsiang bursts out.

Zack turns to him with a look of confusion.

"We...didn't get anything from him. We're sorry, we failed," Tsiang amends.

"No, that's okay, at least you tried." Zack frowns thoughtfully. "Going higher up in the Shinra chain isn't helpful...so we have to go another way. I think we should brainstorm. Quick, Ryiah, pull up a Google Doc on that phone!"

"I think the answer to all your questions lies…" Ryiah puts a finger to the middle of Zack's chest. "Right in here."

Zack sighs and pushes her finger away. "I told you, I don't know anything. I was walking through the plant like any normal day, some guy wanted my autograph, like usual, and then BAM! All the infantrymen were after me."

"How about the day before? Do you remember what you did then? Or the week before? Anything out of the ordinary? Anything you wouldn't want us to know about?"

"I would tell you guys everything! I haven't done anything!"

"So you think someone is framing you?" Levei asks.

"There's no other explanation!"

"Who would want to do that?"

"I don't know. Being a great Hero, I have lots of fans, but also a lot of enemies. So...it could be someone I don't even know."

"It'd have to be someone powerful if they're able to get you on the high threat list…"

"But...I don't know anyone specific that would…"

"You have to think harder."

"I'm trying, I'm trying! Shout out some suggestions! Maybe it'll help!"

"Cloud!" Ryiah volunteers.

"Why me?"

"You've become quite the shady character." Ryiah crosses her arms. "I don't think I trust you."

"I don't trust you, either."

"When we last spoke, you told me you were going to become a better man. You were going to be a hero. And now...well, look at you." She waves her hand toward him.

"Life happens, Ryiah. I couldn't spend my life pining over you. Please, there are much bigger things out there, much more important things."

"Tch, you know that's not true." She turns away from him. "You're bitter now. In fact, I don't even understand why you're helping Zack. You hate Shinra. If anyone's a threat, it's you."

"I wouldn't have anything to gain by hurting Zack. He's one of the few people I can trust."

Valentine coughs.

"You are, too, Vincent."

Tsiang coughs.

"...I just met you."

"No, it's from the dust everywhere," Tsiang says. "Sorry…"

Cloud turns back to Ryiah. "I bet you did it so you could bring us all back together because you missed us. This is just another fake Ryiah mission."

"Normally I would trust Cloud, and usually I would trust Ryiah, even if it meant being made fun of, but…" Zack looks between the two. "I don't think either of you would do that to me. Maybe I'm just too trusting. But turning on each other won't help us all make out of this alive."

Levei, who had been looking at Cloud the whole time with a thoughtful face, turns to Ryiah. "I don't see what's wrong with him. He looks pretty good to me."

"Seriously, Cloud? Another fake Ryiah mission?" Ryiah raises an eyebrow at him. "My missions are much more creative than this! That being said...this mission does sound a little fake. If it was a real mission, wouldn't there be more details? I think I would have accessed them by now. Whoever put in the request would have included the reason why...maybe not for everyone to see, but there would be a record."

"That's a good point, Ryiah. See, I am innocent! The mission's a fake!"

"Hold on, I didn't say it wasn't real. I just said it sounds suspicious."

"...close enough?" Zack smiles weakly. "But I'm glad you guys believe me...or at least are starting to. If I didn't have you, I'd be in a lot of trouble…"

"And even with us, you're still in trouble," Levei points out.

"I guess...but I have faith in our combined teamwork! We should all get secret code names, or something. I can be The Hero."

"It's perfect, no one would guess _you'd_ be a hero."

"Thanks! ...wait…"

Tsiang yawns.

"We should take Tsiang's lead and try to get some rest. Walking up here took a lot of effort...for some of us…" Zack glances at Cloud, Levei, and Valentine, who had climbed up the mountain with ease. "We can think more clearly tomorrow."

"Hopefully we won't freeze to death before that happens," Levei says.

" I don't know." _Squat_. "I'm kind of getting used to the high altitude and temperature. It's...refreshing."

"Okay, but we're going to have to all sleep close together, since there are no blankets...or beds." Ryiah frowns.

"There are beds, in that room over there," Tsiang corrects. "But there are only three beds and seven of us."

Zack counts on his fingers. "Seven? There are only six, two to a bed."

"No, there are seven." Tsiang points at everyone respectfully. "Me, Ryiah, Zack, Cloud, Levei, Valentine, and...hey, where'd he go?"

"Where'd _who_ go?" Cloud asks.

"The other guy that was here with us," Tsiang replies in a matter-of-fact tone.

Zack frowns. "There was never anyone-"

He's cut off by a door slamming shut somewhere in the cabin.


	9. We'll Just Have to Kill Zack

**Chapter Nine: We'll Just Have to Kill Zack**

"We're being infiltrated…" Ryiah says quietly, listening for another noise.

"Everyone keep their voices down," Levei orders.

"Oh god, this is the end, isn't it?" Zack says.

Levei turns to him with an angry look. "I may not know the extent of Tsiang's Turk training, but I _do_ know your SOLDIER training. Now get it together!"

"...right!" Zack fist pumps and squats.

"That's...a start?"

"We should split up, gang."

"We don't have a talking dog anymore…" Levei mutters.

She looks at Valentine, who is glaring at Tsiang.

"If I didn't know you were such a nice guy, I would be kind of scared right now...heh…" Tsiang says, looking at Valentine with wide eyes.

"Who was with us?" Valentine demands.

"That guy...you know."

Another door shuts upstairs.

"How big is this cabin?!" Ryiah exclaims. "From the outside, it looks like it's only one room. One tiny, freezing room."

"I have heard rumors of there being a paranormal anomaly, since it is so close to the North Pole," Valentine says.

"Santa?" Zack whispers.

"It appears small from the outside, but inside there seems to be endless doors and hallways. Not all the time, of course. Just in the right alignment of the Earth's rotation."

"Right...or it could just be haunted," Ryiah suggests.

Valentine sighs. "I suppose that's a possibility."

"So you're saying there's an intruder bouncing through a wormhole through this tiny cabin?"

Valentine nods once.

"Problem solved," Cloud says. "Let's leave now. They'll never get out."

"But...where do we go? We spent all this time trying to get here. It'd be a waste to leave now…" Zack says.

"I think we should let Valentine lead the way on this one," Levei says.

Everyone turns to the red-caped man.

"I'm...not much of a leader," he says.

"Come on, that's no way to talk!" Zack says.

Valentine glares at him.

Zack puts up his hands. "Then again, you can do whatever you want."

"I think we should all just stay in this room," Ryiah says. "None of us will get sucked away into a ghost vortex, and we'll be able to collect ourselves and decide where we should go next that best fulfills my vacation standards."

"She has a point," Zack comments. "As long as we don't try and leave this room, we'll be okay for now."

"Would you give up on your vacation?" Cloud says in an annoyed tone. "Or, better yet, _go_ on your vacation."

"If that's what Valentine wants to do, I will concede," Levei says. "And so will Tsiang."

"I will?"

"Yes."

"Alright, then I agree."

"Good boy. I...don't have any treats to give you, so I guess you'll only be our new talking dog in spirit. I apologize."

"I'm okay with giving up the title," Cloud remarks.

"So does that mean we can't go sleep in the other room where the beds are?" Tsiang asks, rubbing his eyes.

"Feel free, Blondie. Please, by all means," Ryiah coaxes.

"I feel like this is a trap…"

"It's time you learned to make your own decisions as a Turk. Use your instincts."

Tsiang turns to Levei. "What should I do?"

Ryiah facepalms. "I'm going to sleep by the fire. I need two men to sandwich me."

All the men in the room take a step back.

"Where is that intruder…" Ryiah sighs. "I bet _he'd_ know how to treat a lady in distress.

"If he's a threat, I don't know if I'd want him snuggling up to me. If I were a girl, that is...or I guess even if I wasn't…" Zack points at Ryiah. "No starting any new rumors!"

"Are they really rumors when it's true?" Levei asks.

"No, but...they _are_ just rumors!"

"What rumors?" Tsiang asks.

"Nothing!" Zack shouts.

"...doesn't seem like nothing…"

"Let's just all fall asleep in this general region." Levei points in the surrounding area of the fire.

Tsiang lies down in front of the fire, sprawling out a little. "Like this?"

"Don't look so hopeful, Blondie."

"S-sorry…?" Tsiang curls up in the fetal position.

The next morning, the group lay peacefully in front of a cooled fireplace. They all laid next to each other, nearly touching, but not quite. Snow fell gently and silently outside of the window.

This peaceful view was quickly ruined by a female Turk operative in a panic.

"WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! EVERYONE WAKE UP!" Ryiah screamed.

Zack was the first to jump up. "Wh-what's going on?! Where's my sword?!"

"We've been asleep for years! Look at this newspaper!" Ryiah pulls out a newspaper with a date that was 20 years later.

"Let me see that." Cloud gets up and snatches the paper from her hands. "This is handwritten. Did you just write this one a scrap of paper?"

Ryiah shrugs. "I was bored."

Levei sits up and stretches. "Darn, I thought something interesting was actually going to happen."

"We do all kinds of interesting things!" Zack defends.

"Name five."

"Uh...dinner parties, missions, beach vacations, friendship, and hiding from the law!"

"...Friendship?" Tsiang repeats.

"Exactly! So ha! I named five!" Zack stands up and squats.

"Well, we got some rest," Cloud says. "Now we need to come up with a plan."

"If we keep going on like this, we'll just have to kill Zack," Levei says.

"What?!"

"I'm sure we could work out the details later. We say he threatened us, and then when we had the opportunity...we completed the mission."

"Levei! You wouldn't!" Zack sobs.

"It must be the primal instincts coming out. We've been on the mountain for…" Levei looks at the 'newspaper'. "20 years. That's a long time, Zack."

"Let's retrace your steps, Zack," Cloud suggests. "Maybe it'll jog your memory of you doing something...threatening. Or maybe just making enemies with the wrong person."

"Or...why not just let Zack get captured?" Ryiah adds. "Or better yet, we turn him in and split the reward. Never mind, it was my idea, I'll turn him in and take all of the reward."

"That's a terrible idea, why would we do that?!" Zack exclaims.

"Maybe if they capture you, they'll tell you why you were wanted in the first place. We can either break you out, or hire a great lawyer for your trial."

"Or...they could shoot me on sight." He flinches at the thought.

"Not if you go willingly. Besides, I've seen you cook breakfast, talk on the phone, shave your face, and even sleep while avoiding bullets, so...that isn't even an option."

"I _am_ pretty good at dodging bullets naturally." He can't help but smile a cocky smile.

"Maybe you should work on not being shot so much…" Levei suggests.

"It can't be helped when you're a wanted man. So wanted." He continues smiling.

"I vote he gets captured by Shinra."

"Levei! No!"

Valentine looks at Ryiah. "Do you think we'll be able to break him out?"

"I wouldn't trust her," Cloud interrupts. "She pretends to be things. Like a high level blacksmith."

Zack sighs. "Sadly this is more serious than a broken sword."

Suddenly Angeal bursts in the door. "This isn't just _any_ sword, Zack! Where is your honor?!"

Just as soon as he came in, he faded away.

Valentine slowly shook his head. "Wormholes…"

"We could easily break him out," Ryiah continued. "I have all passcodes for the whole of Shinra. Yes, it is a breach of my contract, but it'll be worth it in the end, right? To free a hero. Right? Right?"

Zack sighs. "I don't like this plan."

"It's the only one we've got, honestly," Cloud reluctantly admits.

"Look what I found," Tsiang suddenly says, holding up Angeal's sword. He swings it around, pretending to fight. "Zip, zap, blam!"

Everyone stops and stares at him.

"You know...if you mess your hair up a bit…" Ryiah starts.

"And put on a SOLDIER uniform…" Cloud continues.

"Maybe some spray tan…"

"...Looks just like Zack," Valentine finishes.

"I've got an idea!" Cloud and Ryiah exclaim simultaneously.

"Hey, watch it, kid. That's _my_ sword, by the way. Not Angeal's. Jeez…" Zack crosses his arms.

Tsiang looks at Cloud and Ryiah. "Why...are you both looking at me like that?"

"I don't know if this is a good idea…" Levei says.

"If this goes bad, all that will happen is Tsiang gets locked up until they can find the real Zack. No harm," Cloud explains.

"No harm," Zack agrees.

"Locked...up?" Tsiang repeats. "Oh no." He drops Angeal's sword. "I don't want any of whatever you are talking about."

Levei sighs. "Looks like it's already been decided, kid."

In a hotel room, near Shinra HQ, Zack and Ryiah dote over Tsiang's transformation for their new mission.

"You're doing his hair all wrong!" Zack exclaims, grabbing a handful of gel. "If he's going to look like me, he's going to be handsome for the fangirls."

Tsiang weeps softly to himself as Zack fixes his hair.

"We'll have to airbrush these muscles a bit," Ryiah says, holding a spray tan canister. She makes a hazy cloud of orange around Tsiang.

"Better him than me…" Cloud says from the couch, shuddering at the memory of being turned into a girl.

"Now remember, your goal is to do as you're told: infiltrate and gather as much info as possible. Find out why zack - you - are wanted," Ryiah instructs.

"Y-yes, sir! ...Ma'am!"

"By the end of this, he won't know if he's Tsiang, Blondie, or Zack," Levei said with a smile, sitting next to Cloud on the couch watching the whole thing unfold.

Valentine sat in the armchair across the two and shrugged. "He didn't have much going for him to begin with…"

"What if...I need to contact you guys? Tsiang asks nervously. "Should I...call you? Wait, I need at least one of your phone numbers. And maybe a Facebook friend request...for the long term."

"Don't worry, we'll be watching you at all times," Ryiah assures him. "I've hidden a camera somewhere on you."

"Okay." Tsiang nods. "Then I think I'm ready. Oh wow, my first real Turk infiltration mission."

Cloud leans to Ryiah. "You put a camera on him? That'll never get passed security."

"I know, I didn't really put a bug on him, silly. But it comforts him to think there is one."

"Okay, Tsiang, let me give you a few tips on how to be Zack," Zack says in an authoritative voice. "First, you have to at least try to copy this smile." He flashes his charming smile. "You won't master it right away. It takes time. But at least try your best."

Tsiang smiles his best charming.

"Okay, good. Now, second, act confidently. And if you don't know what to do, squat while you think. It really moves around the blood in your brain."

Tsiang squats. "Okay."

"And finally, always trust your friends."

"I...don't know how that's helpful in this case, but okay, got it."

"That's my little Zack. Now get out there and make me proud!" Zack smacks him on the back.

Before he knows it, Tsiang is pushed into a crowded plaza full of infantrymen and guards with the rest of the group watching from the bushes.

"He's toast," Valentine says.

"Just watch," Cloud replies.

"I mean, if he gets shot, is it really a loss?" Ryiah asks. Her phone buzzes, and a text reading: 'Yes.' pops up. She gasps. "Tseng finally answered my marriage proposal!" Her phone buzzes again, with a text reading: 'No.'

Back near HQ, Tsiang walks around nervously before squatting. "Friends mean everything to me!" He fist pumps.

"He's like a Zack action figure," Ryiah says with a smirk. "Watch, he's going to do more catchphrases."

"At least then he'll be more...believable?" Levei offers.

"Do I really walk around saying those things?" Zack asks.

"Yes," Cloud and Levei answered in unison.

Zack's smile fades and he deflates.

"That's...not necessarily a bad thing," Levei points out.

"So how do we know if he needs help?" Cloud asks. "Are we just going to stand out here all day and wait for the sirens to go off if he's caught?"

"I guess since Tsent knows about it, we should just...let it take its course," Levei says, turning to Ryiah. "Tseng likes his nephew, right?"

"Either that or he hates me, which can in no way be possible. He would only give the best to train his nephew: the best being me."

"I thought Tseng was the best," Cloud says.

"Oh please, Cloud, Tseng doesn't have time to trai-"

Ryiah was cut off by the sound of sirens blazing.

"They got me!" Zack exclaimed. "Him! Zack!"


	10. Worst Babysitter Ever

**Chapter Ten: Worst Babysitter Ever**

"...what do we do?" Levei asks looking at the group. The sirens were still blazing, and it's difficult to hear her. "Do you think they'll let us just walk in? We can't be sure those infantrymen talked."

"I don't think they'll notice us with all the commotion around," Cloud points out.

"Because our group _definitely_ fits right in…"

"You guys can't go, I'll be here all alone…" Zack pouts.

"You're still wearing your Turk disguise. They probably won't even notice you."

Zack looks down at his suit. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot…"

"Now he has to be trained to be Tsiang," Valentine says.

* * *

Inside, Tsiang is led through the hallways in handcuffs, and thrown into a cell next to a chimera that eyes him hungrily.

"H-hey there little guy," Tsiang stutters. "Looks like we're cellmates...kind of. Wanna be friends? Maybe we can break out of here together?"

The chimera growls.

"O-okay, sorry…"

In a room overlooking the cells, Soldier 10 salutes to a man sitting in a large, office chair, shrouded in darkness. "Sir, are you sure about this? It doesn't follow standard SOLDIER protocol."

The mysterious man waves a hand over his head.

Soldier 10 salutes again and walks out.

"Why did you question him?" Soldier 12 asks Soldier 10 as he emerges from the room and closes the door, joining him in the hallway. "You heard about Soldier 11!"

"Uh, no?"

"He also asked why they were doing things that don't go along with protocol. And he…"

"...he what? Was he killed?"

"No, worse."

"Tortured?"

"Worse."

"There's something worse than being killed or tortured?"

Soldier 12 leans in and whispers something in his ear.

"...no…"

Soldier 12 nods.

"What have I done?!"

* * *

Back in the cells, Tsiang pulls out his guns. "Good thing I was carrying my Turk weapons. For friendship!" He shoots the chimera.

An alarm goes off in the cells and Soldier 15 and 23 rush in.

"No! Jerry!" Soldier 15 shouts as he sees the chimera lying dead. "Who did this to you?! Noo, Jerry don't die on me!"

"I heard alarms…" Soldier 23 says, gasping when he sees Soldier 15 cradling the chimera's head. "Jerry? No…" he whispers. "No…"

"It was him!" Soldier 15 nodded toward Tsiang. "He must be punished for his crimes!"

"Zack Fair? Who let him have a gun?! Boy, you sure messed up, Zack. He is going to have your head."

"Yeah, just wait until He gets a hold of you. You'll be sorry you ever messed with His pet."

"Wh-who is 'He'?" Tsiang asks.

The two soldiers exchange glances.

"You've never heard of Him? But you're part of Shinra...I thought everyone knew who He was…"

"Uh...being a First Class Soldier is a lot of work, ya know? I have to go and do missions that everyone else is too scared of, so I'm always gone, being cool and stuff. So excuse me for not knowing _one guy_! Aren't you guys like third class soldiers? Shouldn't you be praising my Hero-ness? Zack talks about it all the time."

"Why are you talking about yourself in third person?"

"Because...that's what Heroes do. I guess I would understand why you all wouldn't know that… Anyway, 'Jerry' tried to kill me, so I had to shoot him!"

"He's not even in the same cell as you! How could he possibly have been trying to kill you? Besides, Jerry was the sweetest, most gentle creature…"

"He growled at me!"

"He's a chimera! Of course he growled! That's the only sound they can make. He was probably just welcoming you to jail."

"If he wasn't dangerous, then what was he doing locked up down here?"

"We leave him down here to cheer up the prisoners...before they have to be executed."

Tsiang audibly swallows.

* * *

Inside Shinra, Valentine leads the group through the halls, looking confident as he walks.

"So far so good, guys…" Levei mutters.

"What are we doing in here, anyway?" Cloud asks.

"Following Valentine's lead."

"Where is he going?" Zack inquires.

As if on cue, Valentine walks into the bathroom at the end of the hall.

"Some of us should go with the crowd and see where they're all going. And a couple should sneak around in the areas that are empty," Levei instructs.

"What are we looking for?" Cloud asks.

"The secret formula for Krabby Patties, of course."

* * *

Soldier 15 unlocks Tsiang's cell and takes him by the arm. "We're going to meet Him. He wishes to speak with you so you can answer for your crimes."

"What crimes...exactly?" Tsiang asks.

"For killing Jerry and...well, you know." Soldier 15 was visibly uncomfortable.

"I-I'm not sure I do…"

"Don't play dumb. You know what you did! You embarrassed the whole Shinra company!"

"I...I didn't mean to. I'm sorry! Is there anything I can do to make up for this...thing that I did?"

"The damage has been done," Soldier 15 says darkly.

Tsiang holds back his tears as they drag him out.

* * *

Back with the rest of the gang, Valentine leans to Levei as the two of them stand a little ways from Cloud and Zack.

"I think it's time," he says in a low voice.

Levei shakes her head.

"We need to know if he really did it or not."

"I'm not ready."

"Then I will ask him."

"Wait." Levei reaches out and grabs his cape. "...I…"

Valentine turns to look at her.

"I'll do it." She drops his cape.

As they're talking, Zack and Cloud are having their own conversation.

"And so then I was like 'pow pow!' and, would you believe it, I opened a wormhole in time and space," Zack recalls with excitement.

Cloud stares back at him. "Zack, I was there. And that didn't happen."

"Oh, you were? Darn, I thought I had an interesting story to tell…" Zack casually turns his gaze to Levei and Valentine. "What do you think they're talking about?"

"Wedding plans," Cloud simply replies.

"Weddi- wait. I know this trick. Ryiah told you to say this, didn't she?!" He turns to glare at Ryiah who is on her phone, not paying attention.

"Suit yourself." Cloud shrugs. "A lot has happened since then. Levei likes mansions. And mysterious men."

Zack pauses to consider this as their two friends walk up to them.

"Zack," Levei says.

"Levei."

"...Vincent," Cloud says.

"Cloud," Valentine replies.

They all turn to Ryiah, who has inexplicably vanished.

"Where'd she go?! She was just here a second ago," Cloud says.

* * *

In another part of Shinra, Tsiang is hauled into a dark room with a tall, slender figure standing at the head.

"I'm surprised you've made it this far," the figure says.

"But...you captured me. Why are you surprised? Who are you? What am I being punished for?" Tsiang asks.

"_You_ are not being punished for anything. Zack Fair is the one being summoned and you are not Zack."

"Y-yes I am!"

"Your lies need to stop now..._Tsiang_."

Tsiang gasps. "How did you know my name?!"

"You've done well, young Tsiang, but you have failed your mission. You failed to capture Zack Fair, and have taken on another mission, which you, too have failed: to prove the innocence of Zack."

"How do you know all this? Who are you?!" Tsiang cries out.

"Your...father."

"Nooooo! Wait, my father died years ago...or did he? Dad? Is that really you? Did you lie? Is this a secret Turk mission that you couldn't tell me about? Does mom know?"

"Tsiang, you have learned nothing."

Tsiang squinted his eyes at the dark figure as the image became more clear. He recognized the voice. "...uncle Tseng?!"

"I knew it! I knew my Tseng senses were vibrating suggestively!" came Ryiah's voice.

Tsiang turns and sees Ryiah standing behind him, pointing at Tseng.

"Ryiah," Tseng greets with his head down.

"Ryiah, did you know all along?!" Tsiang demands.

"Know what? That you'd fail your first mission even with my expert guidance?"

"Hey...doesn't that mean you failed your mission, too?"

"I never fail. This was a great vacation. I got to go to the beach, to a peaceful cabin in the woods, a fancy hotel, I got to watch shirtless men chopping firewood and prance around in different costumes… I'd say that was a success, wouldn't you?"

"But I thought the mission was to-"

"Capture Zack and get him to Shinra HQ."

Tsiang thinks about it and realizes that's exactly what she did. "But how come I failed?"

"Because _you_ let _yourself_ get captured, which wouldn't be so bad if you had actually gathered more information before you went in."

"But there was no information to get! How was anyone supposed to know Uncle Tseng was behind the whole thing?!"

Ryiah shrugs. "Guess you're not a _real_ Turk."

"Enough Ryiah," Tseng suddenly cuts in. "I created this mission so that my nephew would have a safe and non-threatening environment to train. The mission details were vague so that you two could work together to gather intel on the situation. Zack's charges will now be dropped, of course."

"But she didn't do any of that," Tseng argues. "She befriended the target and had a party with her friends the whole time! Worst babysitter _ever_." He crosses his arms in frustration.

Ryiah shoots Tsiang a glare.

"Precisely. What better training than learning to work with rogue organizations, an assassin, ex-Soldier, a Hero, and Vincent Valentine. Nonetheless, I do not deem you prepared to be of our Turk ranks. You must go on another mission."

Ryiah audibly sucks in air. "That sucks buddy!" She pats him on the back. "Good luck with that! I'll see ya 'round!"

"Ryiah," Tseng says.

Ryiah sighs and hangs her head. "Yes Tseng, baby?"

Tseng stares her down.

"Can I at least bring my friends with me?"

"That is none of my concern."

"So what's this new mission?" Ryiah asks.

* * *

"Zack, I have something to ask you, and I want you to be completely honest with me," Levei says, looking Zack in the eyes. "Can you do that?"

Zack takes her hands and looks at her with a serious face. "Of course."

"Do you...really love men?"

Zack falls backwards, nearly tripping to the floor. "Of course not! I've kissed you before!"

"Didn't you also kiss Cloud…?"

"What?!"

"We...don't talk about it," Cloud replies.

"Cloud!" Zack shouts.

"Sorry, I was just kidding, that wasn't my real question."

"Oh, then say what your real question is!"

"Does Sector Six mean anything to you?"

"...Sector Six? The sector that comes after Five and before Seven?" Zack offers.

"Zack…"

Zack scratches the back of his head. "No, I can kind of guess where it is based on where I have been in Shinra and Midgar. If we had a map or something I could maybe point it out. What about it?"

"There was a report that you pulled a mini-Sephiroth there."

"I haven't heard anything about that. But you think _I _would do that?"

"I thought there was a mistake, but Genesis said that was the official report, and I...didn't want it to be true, I never thought it was. That's why I stuck with you. I thought you were innocent, but I knew we'd have to prove it."

"I never believed it, either," Valentine adds.

"Really?" Zack smiles at him.

"You're not smart enough to pull it off and get away with it."

"Oh…" Zack deflates and turns to Levei. "I'm glad you believed in me, though." He smiles broadly and opens his arms. "Come here."

Levei takes a step back. "I'd...rather not."

Zack takes a step forward. "Come on."

"No, really…"

Zack rushes forward and hugs her, then turns to Cloud and Valentine. "Come on in, guys."

Cloud reluctantly walks over and joins in the group hug.

"We just need one more," Zack says, holding out his arm.

"I...don't think so," Valentine replies.

Zack walks their huddled group over to him and forcibly joins him.

Valentine looks away. "This is why I left Shinra…"

As they stand in the hallway, Soldier 59 and Soldier 61 walk by.

"What are they doing?" Soldier 59 asks.

"I don't know, man. It's kind of sweet," Soldier 61 replies. "How come we never do that?"

"Hug randomly in the hallways?"

"Yeah…"

"Because we're men, man. Men don't do that."

Soldier 61 looks at Valentine and Cloud. "I don't know, those two guys look pretty manly…"

The two walk past just as Ryiah joins the group once more.

She yawns, making her presence known. "Sorry to cut your orgy short. Let's get out of here, Zack, it's been a long day. Oh yeah, Levei, Valentine you guys can come, too."

"Tch." Cloud makes a noise, clearly annoyed Ryiah didn't include him.

"Whoa! Hold on!" Zack whispers harshly. "You can't use my name. Someone is going to hear you. Hey!" He notices Tsiang who is trailing shyly behind Ryiah. "What's he doing? Did you break him out already?"

"What? Oh, the mission is over and done. We got a new one," Ryiah reports.

"Done?" Zack repeats.

"What do you mean? What happened?" Cloud asks.

"I plead insanity on Zack's case, and they let him go, no questions asked. I think they really believed me, given your history," Ryiah explains.

"What?! No way! What history?!" Zack demands.

"Kidding, you dork. It was a training mission for Tsiang, as it turns out. And he failed, so we've got another one."

"I knew it! I knew you set the whole thing up. Another one of your fake missions," Cloud says.

"You interrupted my isolation for...this?" Valentine asks.

"It wasn't like that." Ryiah shakes her head. "I had nothing to do with it. It was the Turks!"

"You are the Turk. You keep going on about how you're a superior now," Cloud points out.

Ryiah crosses her arms. "I still have higher powers above me. One, in fact, named Tseng...baby."

"This was all Tseng's idea?" Levei says with a frown. "That was very…"

"Pointless?" Cloud offers.

"Annoying?" Valentine suggests.

"Scary…?" Zack mutters.

"...anti-climactic," Levei finishes.

Zack crosses his arms across his chest. "I guess. So what's the new mission?"

"I just agreed to help Zack, which I think we can all agree we did. I have now filled my obligations," Valentine interrupts, holding his hand out to Ryiah. "The disc."

"Yeah, whatever." Ryiah hands him the other half of the broken disc.

"The real disc." He continues holding his hand out.

"This _is_ the real disc."

"This disc is useless, give me the other copy."

"Oh that one...that one's at my house. We'll have to go and get it. It's actually on the way of this mission, so if you tag along a bit longer…"

"Why do I feel like this is a trap?" Valentine asks with a sigh.

"Because it's Ryiah," Cloud replies.

"That's probably why…"

"Alright, another mission," Zack says with a fist pump. "I'm sure this one is real...right, Ryiah?"

Levei checks her phone. "Looks like...there are no other missions to take, so...I guess I have time. As long as everyone else is going." She glances at Valentine.

"You shouldn't give into peer pressure, Levei," Zack scolded. "We've told Cloud that for years."

Cloud raises his eyebrow at Zack.

"Great, so we're all set." Ryiah takes Valentine's arm; he flinches at her touch.

"Wait, what exactly is the mission?" Zack asks.

"Check for yourself, your access should be turned back on. You are officially hero status again."

Zack pulls out his phone excitedly. "Hey! How come Valentine is still all over _my_ fansite?!"

"The damage has been done," Valentine says darkly.

"Of course that's the first thing you check…" Ryiah says in a disappointed tone.

Zack crosses his arms. "I have my priorities. The mission, of course, is the next most important thing."

"What about after that?" Levei asks.

"Uh, friends?"

"Looks like we've been demoted. Below fan girls? We have been dishonored…"

"Maybe I should reorder it all," Zack says thoughtfully.

"No, no, it's like Valentine said. The damage has been done."

Cloud checks his phone and reads the mission information. "What kind of mission is this?"

"Why don't you read it out to us, Cloud?" Ryiah suggests.

"I'm more of the strong, silent type now." Cloud puts away his phone.

Ryiah sighs. "Zack?"

Zack brings up the mission and scans it over, as Valentine waits patiently and expectantly to see what he's been roped into this time.


	11. Harbor of Love

**Chapter Eleven: Harbor of Love**

Levei carefully looks over the mission on her phone, frowning thoughtfully. "Why is the mission cut into parts?"

"Yeah, don't they normally just have it all down?" Zack adds.

"'Do recon of a new area'," Levei reads aloud. "I guess it's much more interesting than checking a generator."

"Good times...well, not really, but...you know what I mean."

"Where is the area?" Cloud asks.

"Check the map. We might need to helicopter there, since I doubt your motorcycle with carry...all of us," Levei points out.

"I have no idea where we're going to find a helicopter," Ryiah says, throwing up her hands. She quickly checks her phone and reads a text aloud, "'No.' Yeah, no luck."

Tsiang raises his hand shyly. "We can take mine."

Everyone turns to him.

"You...have a helicopter?" Zack asks.

"Yeah, it was a present from uncle Tseng after he taught me how to fly."

"You can..._fly_ a helicopter?!"

"Tch, rich uncle," Ryiah said in a disapproving tone. "I hate you rich kids, am I right?"

Valentine pats Tsiang on the shoulder. "Good on you, kid."

"Yeah, that's pretty badass," Cloud agrees.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Zack exclaims.

Tsiang smiles slightly, embarrassed by all the praise.

Levei nods. "Glad to see he's coming through for us."

"It's parked in the large parking lot in the back of the HQ," Tsiang says.

The group heads in that direction, coming across a large parking lot full of helicopters and planes.

"So which one is it?" Zack asks.

Tsiang frowns as he walks down the aisles of flying vehicles. "I swear I parked it around here…" He shuffles around in his pocket, mumbling about keys, then pulls out a set of keys and clicks it, listening for the beeping sound.

"It...works like a car?" Zack asks, looking at everyone else. "Was I the only one who didn't know that?"

"Ryiah and I are used to just breaking in and taking one," Levei says casually with a shrug.

"What?! When did you do this?!"

"When we went on a mission together in Los Santos. It's kind of an obscure place, you probably wouldn't know it."

"Are you trying to out-hipster me?" Zack asks.

Ryiah pushes up the black-rimmed glasses further up her nose. "Please Zack, don't even try to understand. Come on, Levei, we'll just break into another helicopter."

"But...I have one," Tsiang says softly.

"It's okay, Tsiang, some day you'll be useful," Zack says. "I just know it."

Tsiang sighs. "Can I drive at least?"

The end of his words were cut off by the sound of a helicopter's blades spinning with Ryiah at the wheel.

"Maybe next time," Cloud says, patting Tsiang on the back as he walks over to the helicopter.

"Yeah, next time," Zack adds, patting his shoulder and following Cloud.

Valentine awkwardly touches Tsiang's shoulder as he walks by, but says nothing.

"...this was my moment…" Tsiang holds back tears as he runs to catch up with the group.

The helicopter takes off and Levei sets the GPS on the helicopter in front of Ryiah. "Well, hopefully everyone has their recon caps on."

"Oh shoot, I left it back at HQ!" Zack exclaims.

"What do you guys think is at the location?" Cloud asks.

"Probably some monsters, failed experiments, that kind of thing," Levei says. "Shinra doesn't really know how to keep control of their failures.

Zack, Cloud, and Valentine wait for her to look at one of them, but she continues looking forward.

"I bet it's a surprise party," Ryiah says.

"For who?" Zack asks.

"I don't know, one of Shinra's 'monsters'."

"Jerry…" Tsiang audibly swallows at the thought of the chimera he killed not too long ago. "I hope it's not for Jerry."

"Who's Jerry?" Cloud asks.

"Wait, why not Jerry?" Zack inquires. "He's Shinra's beloved pet."

"Uh… he… he's dead," Tsiang says.

"Stop the helicopter!" Zack suddenly exclaims.

"No!" Ryiah shouts back.

"Jerry's dead?! I have to go back! I have to be there for his family!"

"H-his family?" Tsiang repeats.

"He has a wife and three cubs…"

"They...would rather be left alone right now. It...just happened."

"When did it happen? What happened? How do you know this?!" Zack grabs Tsiang's collar and shakes him.

"I...walked by some people. Just don't worry about it, he's in a better place, not hurting anyone anymore."

Zack lets go of Tsiang and looks down. "He would never hurt anyone. He was the best…" He wipes a tear away.

"...I don't know how much more I can take of...this," Levei says, pointing to Zack.

"Oh Levei, let him mourn in peace," Ryiah scolds. "I had the pleasure of meeting Jerry once. he was a sweet little guy, and by little I mean big enough to fit all of Cloud's scrawny body in his mouth-"

Cloud looks down at his bulging biceps and frowns before rolling his eyes.

"-I think it's safe to say if I ever find the killer, I will make it my personal mission to torture him slowly until he dies from the sheer pain and agony," Ryiah finishes with a smirk.

Tsiang begins to sweat.

"I don't think it's that big of a deal," Levei says. "It's not like he was a chocobo or anything…"

"Levei! You can't prioritize based on what species they are!" Zack exclaims.

"Sure you can. People who eat meat do it all the time."

"Don't tell me you're going to go into the whole 'vegetarians are better' thing. I swear I've seen you eat meat!"

"Think back, Zack. What have I eaten when we ate together?"

Zack pauses and thinks back, muttering, "Bread...lots and lots of bread…"

"Y-yeah, I agree with Levei," Tsiang stutters, trying to shrug nonchalantly. "No big deal…"

Valentine looks out the window and at the GPS. "Looks like we're here."

Ryiah whispers to Levei, "But what about our 2 AM cheeseburger runs? What a cheater."

"This doesn't look like a surprise party at all," Tsiang says, stepping off the helicopter once Ryiah lands it and shaking his head.

"What?" Zack follows him and looks around. "You're right, this is the opposite of a surprise party!"

"What's the opposite of a surprise party?" Cloud asks.

"...a planned-in-advance party?" Valentine offers.

"Zack, have you been planning this for months and didn't tell us?" Cloud asks. "Wait...that _would_ make it a surprise party."

"I'm lost. Is it a party or not?" Tsiang demands.

"Well I'm here, so obviously it is a party on some level," Ryiah replies.

"If by 'party' you mean 'craziness on a whole new level', then yes. Yes it is," Zack says. "But no, I didn't plan anything."

"It wouldn't be the first time…" Levei mutters.

"Hey, sometimes I plan stuff! Like that one time...and that other time...you know. Cloud, help me out here."

Cloud puts up his hands defensively. "I don't want any part in this…"

"I thought we were friends…" Zack says in a hurt tone.

Levei looks around. "Anyone know if we have contacts we're supposed to meet here?"

"The mission just said 'recon'," Valentine clarifies.

"Well, let's look around then."

"How about we sum up the last mission for a few minutes, huh? I felt like it went by so fast and then just ended…" Zack holds out his arms. "Come on, guys."

"We already did that, Zack. Let's just get this one over with."

"Well, first thing's first." Tsiang puffs out his chest. "We should probably figure out why there's a boat in the middle of the desert."

"What are you doing?" Ryiah asks with slight annoyance.

"The...mission? Uncle Tseng did give this mission to me, so I could be a better Turk, and since I failed the last one, I'm going to do my best this time!"

Ryiah shakes her head. "Tseng didn't give _you_ the mission, he gave me a _real_ mission to take you on in order to train you. Now, first thing's first. Quit pointing out the obvious." She hits Tsiang on the back of the head.

"Ow, what do you mean?"

"The boat. Why _wouldn't_ there be a boat in the middle of a_ boat graveyard_, you dork!"

Tsiang looks around slowly and sees that there are in fact many wrecked boats lying around. Cloud stands back smirking, glad he doesn't have to be the Turk in Training anymore.

"So why are we in a boat graveyard then?" Zack asks.

"For the mission...of course!" Tsiang nods knowingly.

"Well, alright then. I think some of that Zack training is still in you." Zack grins widely. "I like the confidence."

"Does anyone know how to drive a boat?" Valentine asks.

"What, you've never been out on the water before?" Zack says.

"...I'm not an adept swimmer."

"They don't teach _that_ in Turk school, but they _do_ teach how to jump off a building?!"

"...priorities…"

"I think we proved in a previous adventure that I am the best captain out of the group," Levei says.

Zack turns to Valentine. "It's because she's rich."

Levei sighs. "Tsiang, pick out a boat."

"But we're in a desert, there's no water…" Ryiah points out. "Plus being that it's a graveyard, none of these boats work and-"

"You have a helicopter, don't you?" Cloud interrupts.

"...but...you want me to _fly_ us and a boat to water? You can't be serious."

"But wasn't the mission location here? Do you think it's some kind of riddle?"

Valentine pulls up the mission. "Am I the only one who read the mission details? 'Find the ship that was once in a harbor. This ship sank unexpectedly on a day where there was no storm and nothing wrong with the ship. Find what caused the ship to sink.'"

"I thought the mission was a recon," Tsiang says.

"This is the second part of the mission," Valentine explains.

"Who wrote this mission, a five year old?" Ryiah says.

"So it _is_ a riddle! Send us to the graveyard to figure out why a ship sunk when there was no bad weather...hmm…" Zack pauses thoughtfully.

Ryiah facepalms.

"Which is why it's best to get the boat to water: to determine cause of death...of the boat," Valentine continues.

"So which boat is it?" Cloud asks.

Levei still stares at Tsiang. He takes notice of this and his face flushes. "R-right, I got this, guys. Don't worry." He rushes through the boat and starts looking at them.

"You know, I've actually been wondering something…" Zack says.

"Why we're here?" Cloud suggests.

"That's what _I've_ been wondering," Levei says.

"We're on a mission!"

"I think we mean why _we're_ forced to be here," Levei explains.

Cloud nods.

"No!" Zack protests. "I was wondering…" He turns to Valentine. "Should you be getting paid by Shinra? You've been doing some missions with us, and I feel like you should probably be compensated…"

"...no, I'm not paid," Valentine says.

"You should give him part of your salary if you're worried, Zack," Levei suggests. "I'm sure you owe him that much."

"Whoa, whoa, let's not get too hasty…" Zack says, putting up his hands.

"Hey guys, why is there a boat named after Ryiah over here?" Tsiang calls out from the middle of the ship graveyard.

Ryiah's eyes go wide. "The S.S. Ryiah is here?"

"S.S.?" Zack repeats. "What does that stand for?"

"It's just an expression." Ryiah waves him off as she runs up to the boat.

"It's a pretty nice boat...is it yours?" Tsiang asks.

"Why would I name a boat after myself, you dork!" Ryiah touches the boat. "This belonged to an old boyfriend of mine. He used to avoid doing missions by saying 'Sorry, boys, I'm off to go ride Ryiah'." She sighs longingly.

Tsiang blushes.

"You pervert, he was talking about the boat!" Ryiah exclaims, hitting Tsiang on the back of the head again.

"Old boyfriend, huh?" Zack says.

"One of many, I'm sure," Cloud said with a scoff.

"He was a real charmer. I almost thought he was The One, but then...well, let's just say things didn't work out. He was just…" She pauses a moment. "Too much Turk for me."

Slowly everyone turns to Valentine.

His eyes widen for the briefest, fleeting moment. "Don't look at me. You think _I_ would...how…" He takes a step back.

"It wasn't him, although we could have a beautiful future together…" Ryiah strokes Valentine's arm. "He's still around, actually, my ex. I wonder what he would think about his boat being out here."

"Hey!" Tsiang raises his hand. "I figured out the riddle!"

Everyone looks at him skeptically.

"This is the boat we're supposed to find," he elaborates, pointing to the S.S. Ryiah. "It used to be in a harbor. A harbor of love. And then it sunk unexpectedly...as in they broke up. And now our mission is to track him down and figure out what went wrong."

"How could that possibly be our mission?" Cloud ask incredulously. "Unless...but you said you didn't create this one this time, Ryiah."

"It was all Tseng. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about my love life, but...Tsiang does have a strong argument. It's useless anyway. I don't think we should try and see each other again. Too many memories, too much passion and sexual energy...not to mention all the baggage."

"Sounds exactly like something you'd enjoy: involving us in your drama," Zack argues.

"Never about me, Zack, never about me." Ryiah shakes her head. "I try and keep my personal life out of this friendship."

"But she's more than willing to bring our personal lives into it," Cloud grumbles.

"Yeah, maybe it's high time we start learning more about you!" Zack adds.

"I don't know if you guys know what you're getting into…" Levei says.

"Do you?"

"No, and that's why I know it's probably not a good idea…"

Zack crosses his arms and frowns. "I don't know...what do you think, Valentine?"

Valentine looks directly at Ryiah. "The less I know about all of you, the better. Especially…"

"That's funny, Vincey, because I know everything about you," Ryiah replies, glaring back at him.

"The disc…" Valentine narrows his eyes. "You said we would stop by your house to get it on the way."

"Oh...oh yeah…" Ryiah scratches the back of her neck.

"Sounds like a plan! Let's get back into town and track down this ex boyfriend," Zack announces. "We can stay at your place while we're there, eh Ryiah?"

"I, uh...are you really sure _that's_ truly the mission? And why my house? Don't you all have houses in town?"

"I'm the only one now," Zack says with a shrug, looking at Levei and Cloud. "And all I have is a room at Shinra HQ."

"I have a room at Turk HQ!" Tsiang offers. "Actually, it's just a bed in a closet under some stairs."

"So it's settled, we're heading back to Shinra, or Turk HQ, or Ryiah's...house," Cloud says with a frown. "Where is this ex of yours, anyway?"

"Why do you care..._Cloud_?" Ryiah asks bitterly. "Are you jealous or something?"

"Uh...the mission?"

"Oh right. I don't know, he's probably on another mission somewhere. He's usually out with his partner tracking down somebody to bring them to justice."

"Partner, huh? Have we met this Turk?" Zack asks. "I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by Turks...always being watched by them...always being shown up by them…" He's interrupted by his phone beeping. He reads a text that says: 'Yes', and sighs. "See?"

Everyone begins boarding the helicopter, and they take off toward the city.

As he sits in the back next to Levei, Cloud glances at Ryiah who is driving, and then leans to Levei muttering, "Do you think she's telling the truth about her ex?"

Levei looks up from her magazine and turns to him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she usually says everyone is her boyfriend. Or that she married Genesis. How do we know if this guy was really her ex-boyfriend, or just another Sephiroth that she stalked?"

Levei shrugs. "Either way, he's in for a rude awakening. I think we all know that if you know Ryiah, you are never safe. Even if it's been years since you've last seen each other."

"Yeah, no kidding…" Cloud sits back and crosses his arms, looking out the window.

Zack, who sits in the row in front of them, leans back to them. "What are you guys whispering about?"

Levei flips through her magazine, and without looking up, replies, "Cloud was wondering if Ryiah was going to make us food when we get to her house. And he wanted to double check that Alton Brown hasn't been there to add 'love' to it."

"I never got those biscottis…" Valentine mutters.

"Alton is always making food, even if I'm not there. I pay him well," Ryiah replies. "I should probably call ahead and make sure he puts on some clothes under that apron…" She taps her chin before shrugging it off.


	12. Time for a Hanging!

**Chapter Twelve: Time for a Hanging!**

At a large, Japanese-style manor, Ryiah unlocks the front door, letting in the group behind her. "Please remove your shoes and be mindful of my cats," she instructs.

"You have cats? But you're never home…" Zack points out.

"Yeah, well…" Ryiah shrugs. "They can fend for themselves."

"Please don't tell me it's another chimera…" Tsiang mutters, shuddering at the thought of Jerry, may he rest in peace.

"Just make yourselves at home," Ryiah says. "But pretend you live in a sterile environment where you can't touch anything."

Levei looks around as she walks further in. "Huh…"

"What's wrong?" Zack asks.

"You'd think the way she threw everything in my old room that her house would be a disaster."

"Oh yeah...you have a maid or something, Ryiah?"

"I'd like the disc now...please," Valentine interrupts.

Cloud slowly sits down on the couch opposite a cat on the other side, and stares at it. "Are they friendly?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I guess...sure."

Cloud frowns and holds out his hand to the cat. The cat's head swells in size before biting his hand. Cloud tries to shake it off. "What is this thing? That's no cat."

"He may or may not have been a Shinra experiment gone wrong…"

"Of course you would harbor...experiments."

"What can I say? I care too much." Ryiah shuffles through some paperwork before pulling out a floppy disc. "Here you go, Vincey. All yours."

Valentine takes the disc and examines it with a frown. "I thought you said it was a CD. How am I supposed to watch this?"

Ryiah shrugs. "It's the original copy. Find a computer that plays floppies?"

"But...but that's impossible. Those have been obsolete for...decades!"

"Ah well! Guess you'll have to stick around until we come across one…"

"Why would I have to stay with you to find one? I think I can do this one on my own."

"But friendship!" Zack suddenly blurts.

Valentine sighs. "Friendship?"

"Come on, Valentine," Cloud insists. "You're an important member of our team."

Valentine flinches. "Fine."

Ryiah claps excitedly. "It's so nice having another Turk around."

"Hey!" Tsiang exclaims.

"Yes, Tsiang, we see you." Ryiah pats him on the head. "Now go sit in the corner like a good boy."

"..."

"Well, now that we're all set up with a home base, should we go find Ryiah's ex?" Zack asks.

"You're just full of helpful suggestions, aren't you, Zack?" Ryiah asks, covering her eyes with her hand. "Besides, we can't find him. He'll find us. That's how it works."

"You said he's usually out with his partner hunting fugitives, right? Well...maybe we need to find a fugitive."

"Why couldn't you have thought of that before?! You were _just_ on the run. Where are we going to find another fugitive?"

A moment passed, and everyone slowly looks at Tsiang.

"I'm not a fugitive!" he cries.

"But you could be," Cloud starts.

"Just a little crime…" Ryiah continues.

"Against Shinra...it's not hard," Zack persists.

"Just insult Genesis."

"Or burn down a town," Cloud offers with a shrug.

"It would be good training if you think about it," Ryiah says thoughtfully. "Turks spend a lot of time tracking down wanted men. This would be the perfect opportunity to see the other side of things, you know. Get into the mind of a killer."

"But I don't want to kill anyone! Besides, I was already a wanted man when I pretended to be Zack…"

"But Zack wasn't _really_ wanted," Ryiah points out, poking Tsiang. "Just commit a crime...peer pressure!"

"But if I _actually_ commit a _real_ crime, won't that make me a _real_ criminal? I don't want anything on my permanent record."

"Just do it, Tsiang," Cloud says. "We have your back. It's for the mission."

"I-I guess I could maybe steal something?"

* * *

In the slums, Tsiang nervously walks around, looking at the people he passes by. Eyeing a fruit stand, he walks up and surveys their goods. "Wow, that's some nice...merchandise, yo…" He picks up an orange. "It would be a shame if someone were to...steal it."

With his last words he puts the orange in his pocket.

"Hey! Put that back you thief!" the vendor shouts.

Tsiang jumps back in panic, and puts the orange back on the pile where a small flame pops out. "Ah! I'm sorry!" He starts batting at the flames with his hands, which further ignites the fire, causing the whole stand to catch on fire. "Ah… I-I-...Ah!"

He turns on his heel and runs.

Taking his place, Ryiah casually steps up to the stall. "Wow, I can't believe it," she says, shaking her head.

"What-what?!" the vender shouts, trying to put out the fire as it spreads to other stalls.

"That kid. He was just talking about how much he hated Shinra and wanted to see the whole world burn. I didn't think he'd actually do it, but this is definitely a hate crime," Ryiah explains.

"That bastard!"

"Good thing I got his picture!" another shopper nearby tells them. "I'm sending this right to SOLDIER to report him!"

"You'd better send it to the Turks, too!" Ryiah suggests.

"Yeah! I will!"

"For justice!" the vendor exclaims.

"Time for a hanging!" Ryiah adds.

"...really?"

* * *

Back at Ryiah's the group gathers in the living room. Ryiah watches Tsiang sit nervously on the couch, wringing his fingers.

"I can't have you here," Ryiah says. "I don't want to be associated with a murderer."

"I-I-...Did someone die?!" Tsiang exclaims.

"I can't believe you set the slums on fire…" Cloud says.

"You told me to! Not that I meant to, really… It was an accident. I don't even know how it happened!"

"So now what?" Zack asks. "We've got our criminal. Should we...go on the run?"

"Let's go some place they'd never expect to find him," Ryiah suggests. "That's the first place they'll look."

"...I'm confused."

"These guys are experts. Now where's the last place you'd expect to see Tsiang?"

Zack suddenly looks around. "Hey, has anyone seen Levei? She's been really quiet…"

"She must have gotten lost. My house is pretty big. My cats are gone, too…. Ah well, you can't save 'em all."

"How about a bar?" Valentine suggests.

"That's good, Valentine," Zack compliments. "Because Tsiang is underage and wimpy?"

"Because I need a drink…"

"To the pub it is!" Ryiah says.

"Shouldn't we wait for Levei?" Cloud asks.

Ryiah shrugs. "You can stay here and look for her if you want."

"I'll stay," Zack offers. "I need to work on getting my fan page back up and running."

He leans back on the couch and glares at Valentine.

"I'm just as upset as you are," Valentine says, showing no sign of emotion.

"...right...I'll hang back for a bit and wait for Levei."

"I think I'll stay with you, Zack," Cloud says.

"You can go with them, Cloud. I think I've got it handled."

Cloud glances at Ryiah. "No, really, I think I'll stay."

Valentine turns to Cloud with a pleading look; Cloud looks between Valentine and Ryiah, clearly unsure of whether to stay or go.

"Why don't you flip a coin?" Zack suggests, handing him a coin.

Cloud takes the coin and looks at it. "Why is there a chocobo on it?"

"I, uh, borrowed it from Levei."

"...she's not going to like that…"

"She doesn't like a lot of things…"

"I think theft is a reasonable thing to dislike…"

"Alright, heads you stay, tails you go with them."

Cloud flips the coin and looks at it. "It's heads."

"We'll catch up with you guys as soon as we find Levei," Zack informs them.

Valentine looks at Cloud. "Make it quick." He leads Ryiah and Tsiang out with a flip of his long, red cape.

Zack waits until they leave before turning to Cloud, putting his arm around Cloud's shoulder as they sit on the couch. "So what's up?"

"...what's up?" Cloud repeats.

"Yeah, what's up with you? You seem...stressed."

"I'm not stressed."

"Annoyed then?"

"What would I be annoyed at?"

"I don't know...Ryiah? Don't get me wrong, I'm annoyed with her, too...all the time. But...I don't know, it's different with you."

Cloud sighs. "I'm just trying to get through the day."

"I hear ya. Try being on Shinra's Most Wanted list!"

"Technically it was a set up…"

"I'm pretty sure those were real bullets that were shot at me while I was on the phone…"

Cloud suddenly stands up. "I'm going to go look for Levei."

"Alright, I'll wait here and fix this mess Valentine made…" He mutters something and pulls out his phone. "Oh, and good luck! I hope you don't find anything...weird! ...since it's Ryiah's house…" Zack turns and looks behind him. "He's already gone...I hope I see him again. He's such a good friend…"

* * *

Cloud walks down the hallways, looking into rooms carefully before finding Levei in one, sitting on a couch. Several cats sit next to her, while others lay nearby.

"Uh...Levei?"

Levei looks over at him with a teacup in her hands. "Oh, hey Cloud. I hoped-I mean, thought - everyone left. I heard the front door close."

"Yeah, Ryiah, Vincent, and Tsiang went ahead to a bar to wait for Ryiah's ex to show."

"Oh, why didn't you go with them?"

"I didn't think we should leave you behind."

"Oh...that's sweet of you…" She smiles and her gaze lingers on him for a moment. "I wish it was just that, though."

"...what do you mean?"

"Nothing." Levei waves her hand, finishes her tea, and puts it in the kitchen sink. "Glad she has multiple kitchens in this house. Her tea is pretty good."

With that, she walks out. Cloud hesitates a moment before following her downstairs. All the cats in the room meow their goodbyes.

The two walk downstairs to where Zack is still sitting on the couch. He turns when he hears footsteps.

"Hey, you found her. We missed you, Levei!"

"No one even noticed I'd left…" Levei points out.

"I noticed! I was the first to! And then Cloud suggested we wait. _We_ care." Zack stands up and puts his arm around her.

"I'm not sure if that's a good thing, or a death sentence…"

"It's a great thing!" Zack assures her.

"It's a death sentence," Cloud corrects.

"I knew it. Cloud's the only one I can trust…" Levei says, walking over to Cloud; he awkwardly puts his arm around her.

Zack pretends to be shot in the heart. "How could you two?!"

"I'm just kidding," Levei says, putting one arm out.

Zack quickly smiles and embraces the two. "I knew you liked these group hugs, Levei."

Levei shrugs. "They're starting to grow on me."

"I don't know if I agreed to any of this…" Cloud says.

"It's less painful than Turk training, right?" Levei asks.

"...good point."

Zack pulls back from the hug and looks at the two. "Alright, gang, let's get over to that bar!"

* * *

At the bar, Ryiah sits at the counter with Tsiang, and Valentine. "Man it's good to get away from those guys. They were dragging me down all the time back when it was just the four of us. It sure feels good to have a fresh possy, huh Zack, Blondie." She nods toward her two companions.

Tsiang scratches the back of his neck, blushing; he isn't sure how to respond.

Valentine, on the other hand, stares straight at Ryiah. "I am not Zack, I am Vincent Valentine."

"You're right, you're right. You really can't be compared to anyone else," Ryiah concedes with a shrug. "I mean, that cape, that translucent skin...long silky hair I just wanna run my fingers through…"

She reaches up to touch his hair, but is cut off by Valentine's gun pointed at her face. "Don't even dream about it."

Ryiah grins. "Man, it really gets me going, looking down the mouth of your gun. I think a lady needs a cold shower."

"I think you're making Tsiang uncomfortable," Valentine replies.

"Don't worry, I'm used to being the third wheel," Tsiang assures him.

Ryiah turns to the young Turk. "What do you mean? You never did anything back at HQ except follow Tseng around."

Tsiang shrugs. "What can I say, my uncle goes on a lot of dates...like a lot." As if thinking about this all over again, he frowns.

Ryiah gasps and clutches her throat dramatically. "How could he! My Tseng, baby...I thought what we had was exclusive."

"Ryiah, try and calm down…" Tsiang says. "You're the least exclusive person I know."

As Tsiang finishes his sentences, the ceiling cracks and large wooden planks splinter, creating a giant hole. Two Turks jump down, surrounding Tsiang immediately.


	13. The One That Got Away

**Chapter Thirteen: The One That Got Away**

"Don't make me taze you, yo," the Turk with the spiky red hair instructs. He has goggles resting on his forehead, wears an opened suit jacket over a white dress shirt, unbuttoned at the top, and has a sly smirk on his attractive face. "Come with us with no resistance, man."

"Please, don't hurt me, it was an acci-" Tsiang starts to say, but is cut off by the Turk suddenly noticing his company.

"R-Ryiah? I-is that you? Holy shit…" He slowly lowers his taser and turns to his taller companion, a bald man wearing sunglasses; his suit is buttoned up all the way, completely pristine for someone who just fell through a roof. "Can you believe this, Rude? Look who it is. Are you with this guy?" He motions toward Tsiang.

"Reno," Ryiah greets simply with a nod. "Small world, eh? So small in fact, that I'm sure you know exactly who you're attempting to arrest?"

"Huh?" Reno looks at Tsiang. "This guy. He burned down four vendor stalls in the slums as a hate crime against vendors. They gotta make a living, too, man."

"This…" Ryiah puts a hand on Tsiang's shoulder. "Is Tsiang...as in Tseng."

Rude's eyes widen for a brief moment, and he puts a warning hand on Reno's shoulder.

"No...way…" Reno says. "This kid is Tseng's nephew?! But he's so...tiny, yo. What are you doin' burning down things, little guy?"

"Ryiah made me do it," Tsiang immediately responds, pointing at Ryiah.

Ryiah sighs. "I'm training him. He's still very...green."

Reno puts his taser on his shoulder, leans back, and looks Tsiang up and down. "I see what you mean."

"I feel like I should defend myself...but…" Tsiang glances at Rude's tall and powerful exterior. "Then again… But really, I didn't do it. It was an accident!"

"Man, that's what they all say," Reno replies. "Where is your evidence?"

"I...have witnesses," Tsiang says, looking at Valentine.

"Eye-witness testimonies are unreliable," Reno says, following Tsiang's gaze to Valentine. "Although he does look pretty reliable. You a Turk?"

"Retired," Valentine replies.

"Oh, cool, cool. So, uh, I guess that means...mission accomplished?" Reno turns to Rude as the Final Fantasy victory music hesitantly plays.

"So that's it…? One guy said it was an accident and you abandon the mission? He burned down a vendor. A vendor!" Ryiah exclaims, crossing her arms with a disappointed look. "Typical Reno."

Reno looks shocked and puts his hands up. "Hey, you're the one that pointed out he was Tseng's nephew. I can't bring him in, man. Do you know how bad that would look? If it was an accident then...let's hope he learned from his mistake, yo."

"Actually...it wasn't an accident," Tsiang pipes up.

Rude glares at Tsiang through his sunglasses.

"I'm on a training mission...with them," Tsiang continues, motioning toward Ryiah and Valentine. "And they told me I had to commit a crime so that...well...you two would appear."

Ryiah blushes furiously.

"Huh?" Reno turns to Ryiah. "Is this true? You wanted to see me, yo? All you had to do was give me a ring." He shakes his cellphone at her.

Ryiah shrugs. "I threw out your number. Besides, _I_ didn't want to see you. It was for the mission. We need your...help." She grimaces at the last word.

"Well, since this guy was a flop," Reno says, pointing to Tsiang with his taser, causing the Turk trainee to flinch. "I guess we got time to help you out."

He turns to Rude, who nods once.

"So what's the mission, yo?"

"We have to figure out why you and Ryiah broke up," Tsiang simply states.

Reno almost falls over. "Wh-what?!"

Rude adjusts his glasses.

Tsiang looks between Reno and Ryiah, then turns to Valentine with a confused look. "...right? That's why we're here…?"

Valentine nods and throws back the rest of his drink.

"I don't understand why this mission is so focused on my personal life…" Reno says, scratching the back of his neck. "I mean...who cares. Right? We were young and...it was a long time ago."

"That's what I said," Ryiah agrees.

"That's what she said," Valentine adds, half snickering to himself.

* * *

Outside the bar, Levei, Zack, and Cloud arrive, stopping by the entrance.

"So either of you know who this ex is?" Levei asks.

Cloud shakes his head.

"No idea," Zack says, putting his hands behind his head. "But knowing Ryiah, it's somebody popular, handsome, and they never really dated."

"That pretty much covers all the bases."

They walk over to the group, and Zack takes the lead. "We're here to relieve you, Ryiah's 'ex'," he says, doing finger quotations. "Don't fear, this is only a training mission."

Cloud looks around the bar and spots Reno and Rude. "Oh shit, I've got to get out of here. They're after me!"

He turns to bolt to the door, but Zack stops him. "Don't worry buddy, you're with me."

"They've been after me for years, let me go!"

"Relax, Cloud, they're here for Blondie," Ryiah assures him.

Cloud pauses to think for a moment, then remembers he's no longer Blondie, and doesn't struggle. Zack smiles at him.

"...that name now only brings bad things…" Tsiang says, hanging his head.

Levei looks over Reno and Rude. "Not bad…"

Zack leans to Levei. "Remember, one of them is probably not even her ex...and the other one is the partner. Which one do you think it is?"

"The ex is probably the redhead."

Zack nods and straightens up. "So, what did we miss?"

"They broke through the ceiling and tried to arrest Tsiang, but Tsiang is Tseng's nephew, so they decided not to," Valentine explains, slurring his words a bit. "And then Ryiah. The mission." He takes another drink.

Ryiah sighs. "Guys, this is Reno and Rude, my exes."

Reno turns to look at Rude. "Ex_-es_?"

Rude shrugs.

Reno crosses his arms and glares at Ryiah. "My partner? Seriously?"

"We were married once."

Rude shrugs.

"Not this again! You two are ruthless, yo."

Ryiah high fives Rude. "Man, I missed having a partner in crime."

Rude nods once.

"Woah, woah, woah, so wait. You're _really_ Ryiah's ex?" Zack asks, pointing at Reno.

"Don't point at me, man. That's rude."

"I know, Ryiah just introduced us," Zack says nodding toward Rude.

"No, no, I mean what you're doing is rude," Reno tries to clarify.

"Rude likes to point? He doesn't really look like the accusing type. More like the strong, silent, nodding a lot kind."

"Your actions are - I give up, yo. What's up with this guy?"

Cloud awkwardly stands slightly behind Zack, looking at the two Turks cautiously, while Levei walks over and takes a seat next to Valentine.

"You should come over to my place after this," she says to him.

He shrugs and takes another drink.

"So uh…" Zack looks at Tsiang. "Did you do it?"

"...do what?"

"The mission."

"Oh right, we got the intel I needed...I think…" He quickly flips through his tiny notebook. "Oh wait, no. We still don't have a reason. I mean, we don't know why the boat sunk?"

"Who requested this mission, anyway" Ryiah asks. "Who needs to know?"

"Hey you look familiar…" Reno suddenly says, noticing Cloud.

"I know, I look like a chocobo. I get that a lot."

"Nah man, you look...like this chick I once saw in Sector 7…"

Cloud thinks back and flinches at a memory long since suppressed.

"You're not...wanted, right?"

Rude whispers something to Reno, and his eyes go wide.

"Hey, you're Cloud Strife! It's been a while man, how've you been? You've been running from us for forever," Reno says with a laugh. "Don't worry, we're here on unofficial business. You're safe for now."

"Safe? It's not as if you could catch me either way."

"Tch, wanna bet, yo?"

"Maybe we should focus on the mission," Zack says, trying to break the tension. "You know, why aren't you still together?"

"Not this again…" Reno looks at Ryiah and sighs. "To tell you the truth, I think she's the one that got away, and no one ever gets away from me."

"Except me," Cloud interrupts. "On multiple occasions."

"Goddamnit! Thanks for ruining my sentimental moment, man."

"I didn't get away, Reno," Ryiah says, crossing her arms. "You pushed me away."

"I did not! I'm a man and a Turk. I have missions to do!"

"So you broke up because...missions?" Tsiang asks.

Reno sighs. "I don't even know anymore."

"I can't remember either, it was so long ago…" Ryiah says thoughtfully.

"You keep saying that, how old _are_ you?" Tsiang asks with a frown. "It can't be that long ago."

Ryiah smacks Tsiang. "Never ask a lady that question!"

"Ow…"

"Sometimes your job has to come first, you know?" Reno sighs again and looks at Ryiah.

Valentine lifts his glass. "Everyone should hold onto their true love. And never let them go."

"Sure, man. That's good advice," Reno says.

"He's talking to you, Zack," Levei points out.

"Huh? Why me? You mean with…"

Levei nods toward Cloud, and Zack jumps back. "What?! I'm not into Cloud!"

"...I thought we were buddies…" Cloud says.

Zack sighs. "This is why these rumors will never die…"

"Listen, I think it's best we just leave things the way they were," Ryiah interrupts the friendly banter. "Let's not try to dig up the past."

"But the mission…" Tsiang quietly protests.

"Are you trying to hide something?" Zack asks.

"I think she is…" Cloud agrees.

"It's a painful subject. For me, anyway, man," Reno says. Rude whispers something Reno, who nods. "Yeah, I like that. We're going to tag along with you guys for a bit, until we can figure this out...for little Tsiang buddy here."

Zack turns to Levei. "He's just like Ryiah."

"Soon he'll be asking to share my room and then taking my bed…" Levei says.

"I would never impose on a lady," Reno says with a bow.

"Ryiah said the same thing...but to Cloud."

Cloud mutters something under his breath.

"Thanks for the help?" Tsiang says, a little unsurely. "I guess the first thing I need help with is figuring out why your boat sunk."

"My boat? Huh…" Reno turns to look at Rude, who shrugs.

Ryiah sighs. "I don't know about this...can't we just abandon this mission and start a new one?"

"One actually popped up for me this morning," Zack says. "I didn't want to tell you guys since you were so focused on Tsiang's and this one is a hero exclusive mission...but I guess you could all tag along?"

"Tch. 'Hero exclusive'?" Cloud repeats.

"It's actually a kind of clean up...after Sephiroth."

"I like that the heroes now have to clean up after each other, instead of us lesser-borns," Levei notes.

"But now I'm inviting you all to help you," Zack says with a wide grin.

"Sounds...exciting?" Cloud offers.

"I knew you'd like it, Cloud. Maybe someday you can be a hero like me."

"...I don't know if I want that title."

"You remember what that fortune teller said, Cloud? You'll be a hero whether you want to or not," Levei reminds him.

Cloud sighs.

"Fortune teller?" Zack repeats.

"Cloud's a little...superstitious."

"We'll go in the morning. I think we just have to convince some people that Shinra isn't all that bad, even though our number one hero turned out to be a psychopath...with mommy issues," Zack says. "But I'm the number one now, so it's really just some minor PR."

"Actually," Valentine interrupts, holding up a hand. "I'm the number one hero." He holds out his phone that's on the Zack/Valentine fan page.

"Hey, let me see that," Reno says, checking out his phone. "A Turk as the number one? I like it! Hey, do you think I have a shot in the future, yo?" He flashes a dorky smile.

"Not a chance. I'm next in line," Cloud says. "...that's what the psychic said, anyway."

"I don't know if I can see it…" Ryiah says, looking Cloud over. "I mean, the blond hair, the cool guy attitude...but you'll always be a scrawny infantryman to me." She pinches his bicep.

"Tch, she's right, you don't have a shot," Reno agrees.

"I think we need to get back to Ryiah's," Zack proposes. "Valentine is going to embarrass himself."

"But karaoke…" Valentine whines.

Zack quickly ushers him outside.

"We could have done a duet…" Rude says.

"Goddamnit, Zack!" Ryiah curses as she follows him out.


	14. Memoirs of the Turks

**Chapter Fourteen: Memoirs of the Turks**

Back at Ryiah's house, Valentine sways as he follows the group up to the house, still drunk. "I say...we go bar hopping."

Reno pauses to look up at Ryiah's house. "Man, haven't been here in a while."

"...I have," Rude says.

"Wh-what?!"

Rude shrugs nonchalantly.

"Hey, Ryiah, do you have a computer I can use?" Tsiang asks.

"I have a computer, of course, but one that you can use…" Ryiah pauses thoughtfully. "I don't know if I trust you. I mean, there's confidential information on this computer, and...I wouldn't want it to fall into the wrong hands."

"You mean nude pictures?" Reno asks with a wink.

Rude follows suit and winks behind his sunglasses.

"Of course not, those are on my phone like a normal person!"

Tsiang tries to hold back his blushing. "I'm a Turk, too. There's not much confidential information I don't already have access to…"

Ryiah sighs. "Fine, use it. If you break it, you buy it. Although maybe it would be good if you_ did_ break it; I need a new one. What do you need it for anyway?"

"It's a top-secret Turk mission," Tsiang says with shifty eyes. "I don't know if I can trust you with the details."

"Oh no, he's already getting into the 'making up Turk-related things' phase…" Levei says.

"I think it was meant to be. He's too far in," Zack replies. "We can't save him now…"

Cloud shrugs, indifferent either way.

Everyone moves to the living room and Tsiang pulls up the computer. "I was just kidding about the top secret mission thing." As he's talking no one pays him any attention, so he continues, "I just had to email my Pen-Pal and my phone doesn't get good reception here…"

"Pen-Pal?" Zack repeats. "Can Turks have Pen-Pals…?"

All the Turks in the room look at each other in silence.

"Do you ever feel like you're outnumbered?" Zack asks Cloud and Levei.

"This used to be a story about the heroes of Shinra, and now...it's memoirs of the Turks."

"That's because Shinra's heroes are boring. No action ever happens to them," Ryiah explains.

"Seriously, yo," Reno agrees, leaning back on the couch and putting his hands behind his head. "We're the brains behind every operation."

"Brains? Tch," Cloud dismisses.

"None of that tone coming from an infantryman," Ryiah scolds.

"_Previous_ infantryman," Cloud corrects. "I'm a rogue now."

Ryiah rolls her eyes. "As if that's any better."

"...It is. A lot better. I answer to no one and seek out all my own action."

"Speaking of which…" Reno says.

"Hey! You said you were off duty!"

Zack crosses his arms. "No way _Turks_ are better than SOLDIER."

Levei looks at the two groups. "I'd say the scientists are winning."

Zack nearly falls over. "I say...we challenge them to a series of contests!"

Everyone looks at him.

"Like you said, we're kind of outnumbered here…" Levei points out.

"We just...have to find one or two other SOLDIERs! Outnumbered or not, we'll still beat them! SOLDIER forever!"

"You should get that tattooed on your arm," Cloud suggests.

Zack rolls up his sleeve and flexes. "You think?"

"Put that away, Zack, you'll give us all nosebleeds," Levei says.

"As drunk as I am," Valentine says. "I will never get a nosebleed from that."

Ryiah holds a tissue up to her nose. "A series of contests is useless. We'd beat you in anything except-"

"Losing!" Tsiang interrupts, holding up a hand for a high five; everyone stares at him.

"Well, seeing as Zack is the only real SOLDIER left…" Cloud says. "Maybe Ryiah has a point."

Zack looks proud and then pauses, looking at Cloud and Levei. "Wait, I'm the only one? I guess...you guys aren't 'conventional' SOLDIERs…"

"We're the cool kids of SOLDIER," Levei says.

Cloud nods and stands next to her.

Zack sighs. "Guess I'm going it alone."

"You're not really going anywhere…" Levei points out.

"...you know what I mean."

"It's pretty even right now, three against five," Levei says, counting everyone. "Valentine can count as one of us, since he's not really a Turk anymore."

"Retired," Valentine says.

"Once a Turk, always a Turk!" Tsiang chants.

"Once you go Zack, you never go back!" Zack says.

"I don't think that's the line," Cloud replies.

"Sure it is!"

"No, Barrett's said it before. And it's definitely something else."

"Who's Barrett?"

Levei leans to Zack. "It's Cloud's inner angry black man. Whatever you do, don't try to get him to come out."

Zack nods and stares at Cloud.

"...what?" Cloud asks.

"Nothing…"

Levei pulls Valentine to sit next to her on the couch with Zack and Cloud. "Now it's four against four."

Tsiang pulls out a Ouija board. "Alright, let's- oh wait, wrong board." He puts it away and pulls out another board game. "Let's play!"

Reno rolls up his sleeves. "You're on, yo. I'm awesome at board games. What game is it, anyway?"

Ryiah looks closely. "I...don't recognize it. Did you make this, Tsiang?"

"What are these pieces?" Cloud asks, picking up one that looks like a miniature Cloud.

"Hey, look, this one looks just like me!" Zack exclaims excitedly.

"Wait a second…" Ryiah frowns at the small version of herself.

"Sometimes when I'm lonely, I like to pretend you guys really do like me," Tsiang says.

Levei picks up her own piece. "This is pretty cute. Why did you go into being a Turk?"

"Familial obligations." He holds up a tiny Tseng piece.

"Tseng has never looked less threatening," Zack says.

"I wouldn't say he's threatening...more authoritative," Levei says. "Or as Ryiah would put, 'sexy'." Suddenly her phone beeps, and she gets a text saying "No". "Well, that means it's true. Don't you have any other Turk friends, Tsiang? Like, people that are your level? I'm not aware of how you Turks handle things like that…"

"Well...I did have some friends back in Turk school…" Tsiang recalls. "I used to be pretty popular, believe it or not."

"He was in special ed class," Ryiah whispers loudly.

"Special _Ops_ class, actually."

"That's what they told him, anyway." Ryiah shrugs.

"I didn't even know there was a school for Turks…" Reno says. "I just applied to the position when I was older."

Rude nods.

"How about you, Ryiah?" Zack asks. "How did you become a Turk?"

"Long, long ago, when I was just but a wee lass, I was captured by a Turk and I bargained with my life. Either I worked for them, or they kill me now. They let me work for them," Ryiah recalls with a shrug. "And that was the end of that."

"Wow, really?" Cloud asks.

"She's lying," Reno interjects. "She applied three times before she got an interview. She's been training since she was a teenager. Originally she wanted to get into Shinra, but there are no female infantrymen."

"Liar!" Ryiah stands up and points at Reno. "I would never fail at anything, and who would _want_ to be an infantryman?!"

"...I agree," Cloud says quietly.

"Ah-ha! I knew you wanted to be SOLDIER!" Zack exclaims. "Because we're the best! We don't have to do all that dirty work you do!"

"Uncle Tseng said we're paid better than you."

Zack crosses his arms. "Do you believe everything the Turks tell you?"

"...yes...under penalty of death."

"That's a little harsh…"

"Having a female in SOLDIER would be a travesty…" Levei notes.

"But...you…" Zack frowns at her, before nodding and smiling with a sudden realization. "Ohhh, you're being sarcastic. I gotcha."

Levei turns to Cloud. "He's learning."

"Very, very slowly," Cloud replies.

Valentine sits on the couch, swaying a little. "You all want to know how I became a Turk?"

Everyone turns to him just as he lays back, seemingly passed out.

"It was to get the ladies, I'm sure," Ryiah says.

"It works, yo," Reno notes.

"Are we gonna play this game or what?" Tsiang asks impatiently.

"Whoa, calm down little buddy," Zack says.

"Yeah, Tsiang, buddy, why are you so worked up?" Reno asks.

"Sorry, I'm just excited," Tsiang apologizes. "I haven't played this with real people yet."

"'Real' people?" Zack repeats. "Were you playing it with your stuffed animals?"

Tsiang looks down at his pieces. "Now I don't have pieces for Reno and Rude…" he continues without addressing Zack's comment. "But Rude can be the moogle, and Reno can be the chocobo."

As Reno takes his piece, Levei stares intensely at him. Reno looks over the piece and puts it on the board. His gaze turns to Levei, who he notices is staring at him, and he smiles. "See, what did I say, yo? Ladies love the Turks."

"It's not you, it's the chocobo," Cloud clarifies.

"Is that some kind of code…?"

"No, your game piece. She loves chocobos."

Levei quickly turns to Cloud. "You can't prove anything." She glances at his hair with slight longing.

"So you start here," Tsiang says, pointing to a part of the board and moves everyone's pieces there. "And the goal is to get the promotion all the way over here first. You roll the dice to see how many spaces you go."

"The promotion?" Ryiah repeats. "What promotion? I'm already a superior, and there's no way I want Tseng's job!"

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Reno says. "You're number two now, eh, Ryiah?"

"One step above you, Reno," Ryiah replies with her signature wink.

"Always one step ahead...who knew the little Turk lady I left behind would become _my _superior one day."

"Left behind? I left _you_ behind!"

"Not this again…" Cloud grumbles.

"Shh, let them fight. Maybe we'll get answers," Tsiang says quietly.

Zack leans to Levei. "You should make us some popcorn, since you seem to know your way around Ryiah's kitchen."

"That's pretty sexist of you…" Levei says.

"What? I'm just saying...that you're good at...nope, I said nothing." He dramatically does the motion for zipping up his lips.

"So...who really left who behind?" Tsiang presses the arguing former couple, pulling his notebook out slowly. "It seems like you guys are on both sides, but that can't be…"

"Oh no," Ryiah says, wagging her finger at Tsiang. "Not this. You're not getting any 'answers' out of me."

Reno crosses his arms and leans back. "She's just afraid of what feelings might surface."

"Well...how about the S.S. Ryiah?"

Reno's eyes go wide at the name. "My boat? Oh man! I miss riding Ryiah, all afternoon on a sunny day, those long nights. Things got bumpy, but man it was so worth it."

Ryiah blushes and Tsiang gets a nosebleed.

"I don't know what became of her…" Reno continues. "After Ryiah and I split, it was just too painful, yo. I couldn't even look at the boat. So I…." His gaze turns to Rude. "Gave her to Rude."

Rude adjusts his sunglasses.

"What'd you do with the boat?" Tsiang asks. "You sunk her?"

"Of course not. I took good care of it. Real good care of it." He crosses his arms and stares Tsiang down.

Tsiang looks terrified under Rude's gaze. "Whatever you say…"

"Then how did it get in a ship graveyard in the middle of the desert?" Zack asks.

Rude rubs his bald head. "She must have been stolen."

"Stolen? From someone of your profession?" Ryiah says. "Is that even possible?"

"Meh, we don't spend time doing leisure activities," Reno explains with a shrug. "I can see it happening, man. Ah well."

"So...the boat sunk because it was stolen? But what does that have to do with you two breaking up?" Tsiang asks. "I don't understand, do we have to find the thief now?" He turns to Valentine who is passed out on the couch. "He's the only one that understood the mission!"

"I'm pretty sure he knew the meaning of life, too," Levei adds. "It only happens when he's drunk. But it's too late now, Tsiang. Time to perk up those Turk skills."

"But I...I wasn't trained for this!"

"I thought this was the training?" Zack says.

"Oh yeah...can I call a friend to help?"

"You have to have friends in order to phone them," Levei replies.

Tsiang sighs. "You're right...well, maybe we can go find whoever stole it. Didn't you report it missing…?"

"I did not know it was missing until just now," Rude points out.

Tsiang throws his hands up in exasperation. "Give me something here!"

"You want an apprentice?" Ryiah whispers to Reno.

"No way, yo, I've already got a partner. Three is too many."

"Are you talking about me?" Tsiang asks, beginning to fume.

"Calm down little one, don't make me call your uncle, baby," Ryiah says.

Tsiang sighs and glares at Ryiah.

"Let's just think this through," Levei says calmly. "Maybe someone saw it. Where were you keeping it?"

"At the lake near the Sleeping Forest."

"I didn't know there was a lake near there…" Zack says.

"It seems there are a lot of stuff you don't know."

"I know stuff! Like...SOLDIER stuff...and materia stuff. Some combat stuff. Stuff!"

"The Sleeping Forest…" Cloud repeats the name.

"Yeah, you know, near Corel Valley," Zack says.

Cloud's eyes widen. "That's where…"

"Aerith died," Levei finishes.

"Who's Aerith?" Ryiah asks.

"The love of my life," Zack and Cloud both answer at the same time.

Zack turns to Cloud. "What the hell, man! Bro code!"

Cloud sighs. "I didn't really love her, but...it was my job to protect her."

"What are you getting at? Who is this chick?" Ryiah asks, crossing her arms. "I don't like any woman moving in on my territory."

"_Your _territory?" Cloud repeats.

Zack sighs. "Before Levei came around, I was dating this girl, but…I guess I kind of forgot about her once the four of us started hanging out," Zack says with a shrug. "She was a pretty cool chick."

"She sounds useless," Ryiah simply states.

"Then when Sephiroth...you know...I tried to protect her. We were friends, actually, but...things didn't end well." Cloud averts his gaze.

"Stop beating around the bush, what happened to her?" Ryiah demands.

"...it's just like Levei said," Zack says, then frowns. "Wait, how do you know?"

"I heard Cloud crying in his sleep about her," Levei replies. "He used to talk a lot in his sleep."

"When were you in the room when he was sleeping?" Zack asks.

Levei shrugs. "I'm a vampire, and we don't need to sleep. I just kind of wandered around the halls and heard him through the door."

Zack nods. "Oh...wait, you're not a vampire!"

Valentine suddenly sits back up. "She's pretty pale."

Zack turns to him. "Hey wait, aren't _you_ a vampire?"

"I'm whatever you want me to be."

Levei smiles. "I like this Valentine."

"...so that's the story," Zack finishes his story from earlier. "It's painful, but it's all in the past now."

Levei looks at Cloud, who is in the fetal position. "I don't know, it seems very much a part of your present."

Ryiah crosses her arms. "Well I don't like it. Get over it, Cloud. Shit happens."

"What's it to you, Ryiah? Are you...jealous?" Cloud asks, peaking up between his hands, still in the fetal position.

"Tch, never. I just don't like seeing such a strong young gentleman get so bent up over someone so useless. I mean if she _died_ then she obviously wasn't very good at _living_. Besides, if she pissed off Sephiroth enough for him to kill her...do you know how hard it is to break through the cold, hard exterior of a man and make him feel _emotions_? Tch, I do," Ryiah rants, pointing to herself. "And let me tell you… She _deserved_ it."

"That's a little harsh, yo," Reno says. "I met her a few times. She wasn't so bad. She was just a nice person." He scratches the back of his neck. "A little useless, yeah, but to her credit, Sephiroth was a little unstable already."

"Yeah, I don't think it was really her fault," Zack agrees. "In fact, I'm pretty sure it wasn't."

Cloud sits up and sighs. "Can we just talk about something else?"

"Let's talk about the fact that I already won the game," Levei says.

"Wait, what?!" Zack exclaims, looking at the board where the Levei figure is at the end already. "How did you get a promotion already?"

"By not sitting around and moping," she replies looking pointedly at Cloud and Zack.

"Does this mean you're a hero now, too?"

"I hope not, I don't want the responsibility."

Zack puff up his chest with pride.

"...or the small paycheck," Levei finishes, to which Zack deflates.


	15. Operation Cozy

**Chapter Fifteen: ****Operation Cozy**

"Can we get going now?" Tsiang asks impatiently. The group still sits around the coffee table at Ryiah's house. "I really want to finish this mission and impress Uncle Tseng."

"It's actually my mission," Ryiah corrects. "Why do I have to keep reminding you? And we'll finish it at my pace."

"Which is painfully slow…" Cloud adds.

"Man, I miss leisure missions," Reno says. "We're always on the run chasing people."

Rude nods in agreement.

"Let's take this one slow, too, yo."

"I think we should head to the lake," Zack suggests. "I haven't seen Ryiah's cats in a long time and it's making me nervous."

Ryiah frowns. "I don't have any cats…"

"But you...and Levei...and the cats…"

"Zack, finish your sentences," Levei says. "Otherwise we're going to have to assume you're crazy."

Cloud coughs.

Zack takes a deep breath. "I swear she had cats before." He stops and sees everyone look at him like he's crazy. "Or...never mind."

"Let's just get some sleep and head to the lake tomorrow," Levei suggests. "Is that agreeable with everyone else?"

"But the night is still young," Valentine protests before quickly falling back asleep.

"So do you want us all to crash out here, or do you have...like eight spare bedrooms, Ryiah?"

"I have one bedroom, which I will be sharing with you for old time's sake," Ryiah replies with a wink at Levei. "The rest of you boys can find room in my zen garden shed."

She points out the window to a little mother-in-law house outside next to a massive zen garden.

"Is that like a pool house, yo?" Reno asks. "You're treating us like a bunch of pool boys."

"Zen garden boys, actually," Ryiah corrects, holding up a finger. "If you feel the need to maintain my zen garden...topless...you're more than encouraged."

She grins widely.

"You can never have too many zen garden boys…" Levei agrees.

"Don't pretend like it's an actual thing!" Zack protests. "There's no such thing as 'zen garden boys'!"

"Who else would maintain the zen garden?"

"Normal people don't have a zen garden this size!"

"Maybe not where _you're_ from…"

Cloud sighs and stands up. "Zack, help me get Valentine up and out there."

Zack grabs Valentine's arm as Cloud grabs the other to hoist him outside. Valentine stumbles forward and trips, but Cloud and Zack have such a strong grip on his clothes that his top rips off and he's left stumbling into the zen garden, topless.

Ryiah grabs her nose to stop her sudden nosebleed. "Oh my gosh."

Reno watches Ryiah's reaction and rips off his button up shirt. "I could make a good zen garden boy, too, yo."

Cloud narrows his eyes. "You two have nothing to show off," he says, ripping off his shirt and grabbing a rake.

Zack looks at all the other topless men and shrugs. "For friendship!" He carefully removes his shirt, folds it, and puts it to the side.

"I...can't...handle...it…" Ryiah says.

"You guys better stop, she's going to die from blood loss!" Tsiang exclaims.

Levei tries to look away coolly while sneaking glances. "How...like them."

"What do you mean?" Tsiang asks.

"...I don't know, let's just hope they get on with it quickly. Wait, why aren't you going with them?"

"...does that mean you want me to take my shirt off?" Tsiang asks.

Levei raises her hand to hit Tsiang, but he cowers and scurries to the group of men before she has the chance.

Levei turns to Ryiah. "...we don't really have to share a bed, do we?"

"Have you seen my room?" Ryiah asks, crossing her arms. "I invest in the comfiest, most sleep-promoting _large_ bed imaginable. Operation Cozy. And let me tell you: it was a success. You won't even register I'm next to you. You'll be passed out cold, dreaming of the topless Zack raking my garden just outside your window."

Levei tries to force back a blush. "Well, I guess that'll work. And even if it's too small, I'll make a note to push _you_ of your own bed. Like old time's sake."

* * *

Outside in the zen garden shed, Zack sits down on one of the beds and looks around. The walls are made of wood, and there are a row of beds in the middle.

"Wow, it's actually...a lot bigger on the inside…" he notes.

Cloud sits on the bed next to his. "We'll finally get some peace now…"

"I know, the whole cat thing was weird, right?"

"...what?"

"...nothing...so, uh…" Zack's gaze turns to Valentine who is face down on his own bed. "How bad do you think his hangovers are?"

"He's a professional."

"Professional...drinker? Do they have those? Are they like the eating contest-type things?"

"Uh, sure."

"Wow, you think you know someone…" Zack shakes his head.

Reno sits on his bed next to Rude's. "You know, it's not so bad here."

Rude nods in agreement.

"I'm not sure how I feel about conspiring with the enemy," Cloud says to Zack while glancing skeptically at Reno and Rude.

"What, because he used to date Ryiah now he's the enemy? Jealousy is the least flattering emotion. Have some honor! As Angeal would say…"

"No! ...no! I meant because he's been hired to arrest me. He said they're on break, but I think this is actually some sort of infiltration."

"You know this room is small, we can hear everything," Reno says from across the room. "Besides, this is no infiltration. What information do you think we possibly need, yo? You're not that deep…"

Cloud fumes.

"He's right, Cloud," Zack adds. "There's not much to know."

"Maybe not the Cloud you used to know. But things have changed, Zack. I've changed."

Zack crosses his arms. "I don't know, it seems like you're still not over Ryiah."

Cloud lies back in his bed. "Why would I like someone who treats me like I'm still a child? And who is manipulative? And a liar?"

Zack shrugs. "She's a lot of good things, too."

"Name one."

"...she's...pretty."

"..."

"Ha! Got one!" Zack triumphantly fist pumps.

"I don't know why I'm listening to someone who doesn't know the first thing about relationships."

"Hey!"

"What are you and Levei?"

"Uh…" Zack scratches the back of his head. "I'm not sure."

Reno turns to Rude with a grin. "If this is what SOLDIER has become, I guess us Turks are looking pretty good, huh?"

Rude nods in agreement.

Valentine makes a muffled sound into his pillow.

"The Turks may not be a high school girl's volleyball team, but we have our issues," Tsiang pipes up. "I mean, half of our best people are 'on vacation'. More than half! You two and Ryiah are the top! And Uncle…"

Tsiang cuts off and the group looks at him curiously.

* * *

Sitting on the deck of an Alaskan cruise, Tseng sunbathes as the ship glides by icebergs. A polar bear on a nearby iceberg waves to him, and he waves back, almost smiling.

* * *

"...is MIA," Tsiang finishes.

"You don't think…" Zack looks around nervously. "He's here…?"

"He's always around," Cloud points out.

Tsiang follows Zack's example and looks around. "I...doubt it...no…" He shakes his head, but continues looking wary.

"It's nice to be at the top, yo," Reno says with a wide grin.

Rude adjusts his glasses as if to agree.

"How can you see with those on all the time?" Zack asks. "It's already dark."

Reno opens his mouth to answer, but Zack puts up a hand to cut him off. "Wait, wait. I know. Because 'you're a Turk'."

Rude looks at Reno, then nods at Zack.

"Should have guessed…" Zack falls back on his bed. "Should we all try to get some sleep now?"

"We don't have anything else to do…" Cloud replies.

"What do you think Ryiah and Levei are doing?" Tsiang asks.

"Probably fighting over the covers…" Zack says. "Unless Levei has to sleep on the floor."

"Does she like the floor…?"

"Ryiah just likes to hog the bed. And everything else."


	16. Paranormal Activity 15

**Chapter Sixteen: Paranormal Activity 15**

Back in the Japanese-style mansion in the bedroom, Ryiah wakes up and stretches. She yawns a little and then squints her green eyes in the darkness, trying to see the figure of her friend. "Levei, are you still here?" she asks, her voice echoing. "Wow, this bed really _is_ too big...Levei?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Levei calls from somewhere on the floor. "What time is it?"

"Time to go into the zen garden boy house with a video camera," Ryiah replies. "It's going to be a new production of Paranormal Activity 15."

"They must have made a lot of them recently. I should probably see movies more often," Levei replies, getting up and following Ryiah out to the zen garden shed through the dark hallways.

"So how are things going?" Ryiah asks. "We haven't really had a chance to get caught up after all these years." She holds up a hand before Levei can say anything and adds, "And by 'how are things', obviously I mean your sex life."

"With this body?" Levei points up and down herself while giving an 'of course I'm getting some' look. "Just kidding, I've mostly been focusing on missions. Men have to come second. Of course, I don't expect you to understand...I know your love of men. I mean, look at what's behind your house in the zen garden."

"It's true," Ryiah simply replies with a shrug. "But a woman's gotta indulge. I mean, what are men there for if not to please us? Take advantage! You have any plans for you and that dork Zack, while we're all together again? You had some sort of fling going on a few years ago. I've seen the way he looks at you. I think he misses being your bodyguard, if you know what I mean."

She winks at Levei, who can't exactly see it in the dark.

Levei smiles a little. "That's right, he used to guard my body. We had some good times back then. But I don't know where I see any of this going. I mean, I still have missions… As much as I'd love to keep Zack around… What about you and Cloud? Or you and Valentine? ...or you and Reno, now that he's around?"

"Valentine and I had a rocky past, but I think we're really going to work things out this time," Ryiah replies with a nod. "My red hair with his creamy white skin… We would make beautiful children. In all honesty, though, what's happened to Cloud? I kind of...miss...my little Blondie." She sighs before continuing, "Then Reno, man, I didn't think I'd ever interact with him again. I missed him, too, in a way. Things ended so badly and we were pretty good together. ...What am I saying? None of this is fair to Valentine. I'm a loyal woman, I can't be thinking of other men at a time like this."

"I forgot who I was talking to…" Levei says, looking at Ryiah who grins back at her. "I guess I shouldn't have asked. Reno kind of threw everything off, and made your claims seem more...truthful. As for Cloud, I must say I like this new attitude he has. He's competent, handsome, mysterious...everything a girl would love. He has his faults, sure, but the major one is...his choice of women."

Ryiah holds up a finger. "You mean men. Choice of men. He's not into women," she corrects, nodding her head definitively. "Because if he was into women he would have tried to win me back by now. He said he was going to become a hero, remember? And what did he do? He became the _anti_-hero. He's a rogue, against Shinra, and an angsty one at that."

"After all the stuff Shinra put him through, I would be surprised if he didn't become like Valentine, locked in a mansion." Levei shrugs. "I'll give you the angsty part, though. He seems sad all the time. Maybe we should do something to cheer him up…" Her voice trails when she sees Ryiah smile. "I don't know if he'll like whatever it is you're thinking. I don't know what it is, but it can't be good. For anyone."

Ryiah throws up her arms. "Operation 'Cheer Up Cloud Super Surprise Party'...commence! But first...we have a video to make."

"I apologize in advance, Cloud," Levei says, following Ryiah to the door of the zen garden. "So what are you planning, exactly? I don't have any supplies…"

"Just sit back and watch," Ryiah whispers back, holding up her camera.

_Paranormal Activity 15…_

In the room, Zack rolls over and wakes up, his arm draped around Cloud's topless torso.

Cloud stares wide-eyed into Zack's face. "R-remind me again why we're shirtless...and spooning?"

Tsiang screams from his bed in the corner.

The camera pans around the room with a heart beat thumping loudly before focusing on a shirtless Valentine hanging upside down in front of skinny, little Tsiang who looks terrified. The camera pans back to Zack and Cloud who have finally separated and are looking sheepish and shaken up, then back to Tsiang who is paralyzed with fear. Valentine has now disappeared. The heart beat gets louder, followed by a crash that leaves the moment in a harsh silence. Another scream breaks out.

"Tsiang?" Zack calls out. "Was that you?"

Tsiang doesn't answer, continuing to cower in the corner.

"Tsiang!"

"No, that wasn't m-m-me…"

"Then who screamed? ...Valentine?"

"Vincent can't scream," Cloud says.

"I am so startled right now…" Zack says, holding his blanket over his body.

The camera goes over to Tsiang who covers his hands with his eyes, then to Cloud who is trying to feel around, while listening intently. The camera moves up to a crevice in the ceiling where Valentine is sitting, then over to Tsiang, before quickly returning to a now empty crevice.

"Is it a demon?" Tsiang exclaims. "Somebody do something!"

"Don't worry, Rude is a psychic," Reno says. "He'll speak with the demon."

Rude adjusts his sunglasses. "Hey."

Valentine nods towards Rude. "Hello."

"Are you a demon?"

"No."

"Okay."

"See, all good, yo," Reno says with satisfaction.

The camera pans around the room, the heart beat getting louder and louder before slowly fading away and then with the sound of a door shutting, completely stops.

"Well that…" Zack starts.

"Was anti-climactic," Cloud finishes.

"I'm still so scared," Tsiang says.

Zack slowly pulls his blankets back down. "That wasn't so bad. Right, guys?"

Tsiang lets out a little cry in response.

Cloud turns on the light next to his bed and sees Valentine fast asleep on his bed. "How did he sleep through that?"

"Didn't we just hear his voice?!" Zack exclaims.

"Nah, man, that was the non-demon," Reno replies. Rude nods in agreement.

Cloud rubs his face with his hand. "I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep again."

Zack jumps out of his bed. "Then let's go do something!"

"...like what?"

At that moment, Ryiah walks through the door with Levei. "Worst. Movie. Ever. No one was even possessed!"

"Valentine was a little," Zack says.

Tsiang covers his shirtless torso. "Do you even knock?"

Cloud pulls on a shirt and looks at Ryiah with an unamused look on his face. "What's next?"

"Breakfast!" Zack suggests.

"After chores, of course," Ryiah says.

"Chores? We're on vacation," Reno points out.

"There's a zen garden out there that's not going to rake itself!"

"We're not zen garden boys!" Zack protests.

"Where exactly were you sleeping?" Levei asks.

"...in a zen garden boy shed…" Zack hangs his head.

Tsiang sighs and walks out of the shed with a rake. "Yes, sir."

Levei watches him walk out and looks at the rest of the group. "I like his work ethic. Doesn't talk back, just goes straight to work. You all could learn a thing or two."

"We're always working, yo," Reno says.

"Cloud," Ryiah suddenly says.

"...what?"

"I need you to leave."

"Excuse me?"

"I need you to...get some chocobo eggs...for breakfast."

"Where am I supposed to find those out here?!" Cloud exclaims. "Hey, why would you eat a chocobo egg, anyway?!"

"We're not _eating_ them, I just need them. Now go."

"Fine… Wait, why am I listening to you?" He turns to look at Levei.

Levei sighs. "Just do what she says."

Cloud sees her unsure face before walking out the door.

Zack waits for him to leave and looks at Reno and Rude. "You guys aren't going to, you know, chase him, right?"

Reno turns to Rude. "Even when we tell them a million times we're on vacation, nobody believes us…"

Rude nods in agreement.

"We ain't interested right now, yo," Reno assures Zack.

"Alright, sorry. Had to look out for my friend. So why do you guys need a chocobo egg…?" Zack asks. "Are you finally starting that chocobo ranch, Levei?"

"Not yet, sadly," Levei replies. "I'm still stuck here…"

"Now that he's finally gone…" Ryiah says, wiping her brow. "We don't really need an egg. They're just hard to find in the city and he'll be gone for a while."

"You really dislike him that much?" Zack asks.

"We're planning a surprise party!" Ryiah announces. "To cheer up angsty Cloud and turn him back into Blondie."

"I thought I was Blondie now," Tsiang pipes up.

"Shut up, Twiggy."

Tsiang hangs his head.

"Just kidding, you're not even close to being remotely worthy of that name," Ryiah says.

"I don't think it's possible to turn Cloud back into...well, your Blondie," Zack says. "He's a changed man, but maybe you two can find a way to get along at least?"

"Tch, I can't be friends with a sullen young man, no way," Ryiah protests, crossing her arms. "He's like a teenager wearing all black, hating his parents, and talking back."

"I mean…" Zack scratches the back of his head. "Can you blame him? He's gone through a lot." He turns to Levei. "What do you think?"

"I just want Cloud to be happy."

"Yeah, so do I…"

"And Ryiah thinks this party will help, so...why not give it a shot?"

"I do like parties...but I don't know if he does." He turns to Valentine. "What do you think?"

"I think I should get what I came here to get."

"Huh? What do you...oh yeah, the CD. I'd forgotten."

"I haven't," Valentine replies simply.

"I gave you the original copy," Ryiah insists. "I know it's not a CD like I promised, but you'll have to deal with the floppy."

"Nice rhymes, yo," Reno compliments.

"So what are our ideas for the party?" Ryiah asks. "What does Cloud like to do? ...besides dress up as a woman."

"I think he'd want something low key, you know," Zack suggests.

"Maybe so low key, he doesn't even realize it's a party for him," Levei adds.

Zack nods. "Yeah, I like where this is going. Valentine, what do you know about what he likes? He said you guys worked together?"

"He likes swords," Valentine replies. "He has a collection in his motorcycle."

"_In _his motorcycle?" Zack repeats. "That's a weird place to keep them. What else?"

"Long drives...combat…" Valentine starts to list.

"This sounds like the worst party ever," Ryiah groans.

"I have an idea," Reno says. "Why don't we send Cloud on the run. I mean, an adventure, on his motorcycle, and Rude and I will chase him...I mean follow him. We can try and catch him, ending in combat, yo. Or some friendly joust, ya know, like friends."

Rude adjusts his sunglasses. "Sounds good."

"Great idea!" Zack says with a fist pump. "I'm sure he'll have fun with that."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Levei says warily. "Someone could get hurt."

"Don't worry, if anyone'll get hurt, it'll be him," Reno assures her.

"I thought this was _for_ him, to make him happy. Not to scare and potentially harm him…"

"Levei has a point," Zack agrees.

"Then what's your idea?" Reno challenges.

"I don't have an idea, per se...but something other than that…" Levei says.

"It does sound an awful lot like you're trying to complete your mission of arresting Cloud…" Ryiah says with a suspicious look. "You know how I feel about that…"

"You don't want us to arrest him?" Reno asks. "What's he to you?"

"Oh no, throw him in a cell, lock him up," Ryiah says, waving her hand. "I just don't agree with you spending your 'vacation' doing actual work. What kind of Turk are you?!"

"It does sound a little bit like work…" Reno agrees. "But it's all for Cloud, am I right?"

Rude nods in agreement.

Levei sighs. "I guess it's silly of me to think that normal things will someday happen in this group."

Tsiang walks up with a large rake in hand. "I finished raking the garden. What did I miss?"

"Why doesn't Tsiang go out and chase him?" Zack suggests.

"Chase who? I know this is still my mission, but…"

"I don't know how intimidating he can be," Levei says skeptically.

"I can't," Tsiang replies simply.

"We could dress him up a little, just like we did when he became a little Zack," Zack continues.

"Why not dress me up like a Turk?" Tsiang asks, turning to Reno. "Like...him."

"No way you could pull this off, kid," Reno breaks it to him.

"How about him?" Tsiang points to Rude.

Rude glares at him behind his sunglasses.

"Don't worry, little Tsiang, we'll fix you up," Ryiah says.

"Really?" Tsiang says in a hopeful voice, a big grin on his face, completely unaware of what was to become of him.


	17. Baby Vincent

**Chapter Seventeen: Baby Vincent**

Tsiang's happy grin at the thought of being transformed into a Reno or Rude look-alike disappeared from his young face twenty minutes later as he flips his red cloak over his shoulder and pushes the long black hair out of his face. "I don't know how I feel about this…" he says, looking over his new attire. It wasn't what he was expecting - not by a long shot.

Valentine walks into the room, spots the mini-Valentine, and then walks out again.

"I don't think he likes it," Tsiang says.

"He's overcome with emotion," Ryiah explains. "He had to take a minute to himself. You look great. Really."

Levei pauses and looks him up and down. "Not bad. Not quite the maturity of the real thing, but not bad."

Zack crosses his arms. "I think I prefer having a little me running around, not another Valentine."

"Then you should have kids," Levei says.

Zack tugs at his collar. "I'm, uh, not ready for that yet."

Levei frowns. "I'm not offering…"

"So...uh, what's my mission?" Tsiang asks. "And how am I supposed to see with hair in front of my face?"

"Why don't you report to adult Vincent, baby Vincent? He'll tell you what to do," Ryiah suggests.

"I'm not sure if we should let our Turk trainee learn from an ex-Turk," Reno says hesitantly. "Just seems counter productive, yo."

Ryiah shrugs. "Adult Vincent was an awesome Turk. He still is awesome. Baby Vincent can learn a lot."

"Why 'baby Vincent'?" Tsiang asks. "Why not 'kid' Vincent? Or 'protege' Vincent?"

"Shh, don't cry, baby Vincent," Ryiah coos. "It's going to be okay. Go find your adult."

She pushes his butt out the door, and he mumbles something in a harsh tone as he goes out.

Zack wipes his eye. "Our little boy has finally grown up." He puts his arm around Levei.

She coolly ducks out of his arm. "Like I said, I'm not offering."

"Well, that means we just gotta sit here and wait," Reno says, sitting down on a chair and putting his feet up on the table.

Rude sits next to him silently.

"Wait! What?!" Ryiah exclaims. "You're supposed to be helping plan Cloud's party!"

"I thought baby Vincent was supposed to chase Cloud, yo," Reno says.

"But what are we supposed to do?" Ryiah asks. "We need a party for _us_, the most honorable guests."

"I don't think we're really taking Cloud into consideration here," Zack points out. "I mean look at us...we're making him feel wanted by sending that-" He points to Tsiang dressed as Valentine who is stalking the real Valentine through the zen garden. "-to chase him? I think we need to have a party that's all about Cloud. His favorite food, his favorite music…"

"Do we even know those things?" Levei asks. "He's not exactly telling us all about himself anymore."

"Hm...maybe we should text him," Zack says, pulling out his phone.

"...I don't know if that's the point."

"I'm sure as long as we put an effort in, he'll be happy. I know that for sure. Let's just go to the party store and get some stuff. Unless Ryiah has stuff here already that we can use?"

"The only party supplies I have are shirtless zen garden boys," Ryiah replies with a shrug, adding a wink at Zack, who is still topless. "But I'm not sure if Cloud could appreciate _that_ kind of party. We need some sort of theme. Like pirates. Does Cloud like pirates?"

"I don't think so…" Zack says.

"How about karaoke?" Reno asks.

Ryiah claps her hands excitedly. "Cloud _loves_ karaoke! Perfect!"

"I also hear he likes DDR," Levei adds.

Zack turns to her. "Are you trying to help Cloud or Ryiah?!" he exclaims.

Levei shrugs. "I've pretty much given up on trying to fight one way or the other at this point."

Just then Valentine joins the group from the zen garden. "If you're having trouble finding ideas, check Pinterest."

"Pinterest?" Zack repeats, pulling out his phone and gasping. "You have more followers than me?! First my fan club, now this. I don't know how much more I can take!"

"That makes two of us," Levei says, snatching Zack's phone away from him. "This is like the fifth phone you've pulled out since we started this adventure days ago. How many more do you have?"

"One should always be prepared," Rude says, pulling out an extra pair of sunglasses from his suit pocket.

"Yeah, man, I break these things like crazy," Zack says, pulling out yet another cell phone.

"Or he's a drug dealer," Ryiah offers with a shrug. "Burner phones."

"But..._why_ do you break them so often?" Levei persists, clearly unhappy with his lack of answers.

"...missions...stuff like that."

"If you say so…" Levei continues looking through his phone. "Wow, Valentine, you have more pins than I do…"

"I have a lot of free time," Valentine replies.

"Let's get on with this party, yo, before they get back," Reno says. "How long do you think we have?"

* * *

At the grocery store, Cloud walks down an aisle holding a basket. Behind him, Tsiang peeks around the aisle, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

Cloud runs his hands over some eggs. "None of these are chocobo eggs… Where am I supposed to find-" He pulls back and looks down the aisle in time to see a wisp of red cape disappear. "Vincent?"

He starts walking toward the end of the aisle and bumps into a store manager, who doesn't look where he's going.

"Can I help you?" he asks in an annoyed tone.

Cloud looks at him. "Oh, uh...do you sell chocobo eggs?"

The manager stares at him a moment. "Can't you just lay them yourself?" he asks, looking pointedly at his hair.

Cloud touches his head. "...no." He puts a hand on the sword on his back.

"Why not try the drug store next door, sir…? Uh, no need to get hasty. I hear they have an underground chocobo fighting ring in their basement."

"Fighting ring? Who would make chocobos fight each other?!"

He rushes out, and over next door, bursting through the door of the basement. "Free the chocobos, you fien-" He stops short as he sees a group of chocobos happily sitting in front of a game of Mario Kart.

"Fight to the death! Hey, wait…" The store manager sees Cloud. "You're not supposed to be down here!"

"I, uh...need a chocobo egg," Cloud says. "Do you have any extras?"

"We don't just give these to anyone, kid!"

"I can pay you."

"Get lost!"

"Or I can just tell the cops."

"Let's not get hasty now…" The store owner looks him over. "How much you got?"

Cloud tosses him a large pouch of gil.

The owner takes the gil and puts it in his pocket, and reaches under one of the chocobos, handing Cloud an egg that looks suspiciously like a red shell. "Will this do?"

"It doesn't really look like an egg…" Cloud takes it and flips it over in his hands.

The owner sighs. "We got more variety," he says, reaching under another chocobo and pulling out an egg that looks like a Mario star.

"I guess this one will work. Will it hatch?"

"Into the best damn Mario Kart playing chocobo you'll ever see," he replies with a nod.

"Why would I ever need… Never mind, see ya."

With the egg in his hands, he walks out. Tsiang, who had been standing in the hallway, hidden by the shadows, sees Cloud start to leave and immediately ducks out, hiding around the corner outside. "Alright, Tsiang...mini-Valentine...whoever I am. It's now or never…" He peeks out around the corner again, and sees Cloud walking to his motorcycle. "Wait, what was I supposed to do?"

Cloud revs up his motorcycle, and Tsiang starts to run toward him. "I-I'm chasing you!"

But he's too late. Cloud zips off, never noticing the little Turk in training.

* * *

Back at Ryiah's house, she finishes plugging in the karaoke machine. "Okay, guys, all set?" she asks. "Let's...hide?"

"Okay!" Zack fist pumps before he ducks behind a couch.

Ryiah slips behind a curtain, realizing Reno had already been hiding there.

"This is my spot, yo," he says.

"This is my house."

"We can share, I don't mind, man."

"We're a bit...close."

They all quiet down as they hear the front door handle turn. Cloud opens the door and sees an empty house with a karaoke machine on display. "I got the...egg. Where is everyone? What is this?" He walks up and inspects the machine.

Everyone stays hidden in their places, unsure of what to do next. The directions of when to surprise him were unspecified.

"Hello? Guys?" Cloud calls out, looking around. "I guess they left without me…"

He shrugs and picks up the microphone, shuffling through the songs.

Levei peeks over from behind the couch and sees Cloud linger over 'Let it Go', whispering, "No, Cloud, don't do it…"

Zack frowns and Levei's frightened look and follows her gaze, whispering, "I love this song."

Cloud chooses 'Let it Go', and stands awkwardly as it loads. Just as it is about to start, he brings the microphone up to his mouth, and Levei and Zack jump out from where they're hiding, shouting, "No!" in synch.

Cloud jumps and turns to them. "What are you two doing?!"

"We have to do a duet!" Zack exclaims.

"You have to choose another song, Cloud" Levei shouts. "What were you thinking?!"

"...it's not _that_ bad…" Cloud defends.

"Not bad? _Not bad_?" Levei repeats. "I expected this of Zack, but you, Cloud? I thought better of you."

"Why is this even here?" Cloud asks. "Wait, what were you two doing? Oh god, Zack, Levei...oh god…" He covers his eyes.

"What? Don't be disappointed. We've been planning this for a while. We just had to get you out of the house for a bit," Zack explains. "I thought you'd be happy about it."

"Why would I… Zack." Cloud shakes his head, continuing to cover his eyes. "I don't care about your love life. I don't want to know! Don't include me!"

"My love life?" Zack repeats with a confused look on his face. "I was talking about your party…" He turns to Levei. "You thought we… Well, I guess it's not out of the question." He winks at Levei.

"I'd beat both of you up right now if I wasn't still angry about him choosing that song," Levei says, then turns to Cloud. "Did you get the goods?"

Cloud pulls out the egg. "It doesn't really matter, I guess, since you didn't really need it…"

Levei walks over and takes it from him. "Oh no, I need-I mean _we_ need this," she says. "I'll just take care of it." She sits in the couch with it on her lap. "Why does it look like a Mario Kart star?"

"Don't ask," Cloud replies.

"But I already did…"

"Where is everyone else?" Cloud asks, looking around. "Not much of a party with us three. Although I'm not complaining."

Ryiah stumbles out from behind the curtain, blushing, with Reno close behind. "Hi Cloud, sorry we missed our queue! I was secretly hoping you'd start singing on your own. But _someone_ had to ruin it."

Cloud narrows his eyes at Reno. "Why was everyone hiding in pairs?"

Valentine and Rude come out of the closet holding hands. Rude quickly lets go of Valentine's hand and straightens his suit as they join the group.

"There are not many hiding spaces," Valentine explains. "It's more convenient to hide in pairs."

"What are _you_ two doing in there?" Cloud asks. "I can't handle this; too much coupling."

"We're not 'coupling'," Rude says.

"Rude is afraid of the dark," Valentine says.

"It was merely a reflex," Rude clarifies.

"Oh please, you two _literally_ just came out of the closet!" Ryiah exclaims.

"No, he's right, yo," Reno confirms. "Rude is afraid of the dark on account of the sunglasses. It makes it extra dark, man."

Zack puts his arm around Levei as he sits next to her on the couch. "You want us to find you a girl, Cloud?" he asks.

"I don't need your help," Cloud says.

"I don't know, you look pretty single to me…"

"All of you are, too. You're just pretending." Cloud crosses his arms.

"Operation 'Make Cloud Happy' has failed, I guess."

"It's not too late!" Ryiah exclaims pushing the mic back into Cloud's hands. "Cloud, quick, sing another song!"

Cloud loosely holds it in his hand. "I'm not really in the mood…"

"Well, how about all the food we got you!" Ryiah points to the chocobo egg Levei is holding. "Hey, that's all the food you got? We can't eat that."

"Food?" Cloud repeats. "I was supposed to bring food?"

"You were at the store! Of course it was implied!"

"You sent me to find a chocobo egg and I delivered."

Ryiah throws her hands up, exasperated. "Does everyone like scrambled eggs?"

Levei holds the chocobo egg protectively. "I will kill anyone who tries to take this away from me."

"She already has that maternal instinct," Zack says.

Levei sighs. "Fine, Zack, you're father."

"What?!" Zack exclaims, then calmly adds, "Okay, I'll do the responsible thing then."

"You're paying for their college, even if they want to do beauty school."

"Of course! They should follow their dreams!"


	18. Being a Turk is Hard Work

**Chapter Eighteen: Being a Turk is Hard Work**

"I guess we'd better go out to eat," Valentine interjects the conversation about chocobo eggs. He was clearly growing bored.

Ryiah clutches her stomach. "I'm getting those baby pains again."

"Baby pains? Are you...no way, you're not pregnant!" Zack exclaims, gently stroking the top of the chocobo egg.

"No! I just...my clock is ticking, you know," Ryiah replies. "And seeing what a beautiful family you 2.5 make is just...it's a pang of loneliness. I was supposed to marry Sephiroth, remember? I wasted a whole 3 months of my life on that guy! Three months that could have been spent finding, seducing, and trapping Mr. Right! Now I've got nothing to show for any of it. I just want to marry a hero and have their babies. Maybe retire and live off their hero riches."

"Three months?" Zack repeats.

"Where are you going to find a hero now, Ryiah?" Cloud asks. "They're all extinct except Zack. And he's taken."

"It seems like you think heroes are actually more than they are," Levei notes.

"Hey, we're the best!" Zack protests. "That's why everyone wants to be us!"

"I don't know if that's circular logic…" Levei mutters.

"I'm sure there are other heroes in the making you could snatch up," Zack encourages.

"She would know about getting them while they're young and then trying to ruin their lives," Cloud adds, crossing his arms.

"'Ruin' is such a strong word," Levei says.

"I can't settle for a hero in the making," Ryiah replies, crossing her arms to mimic Cloud. "They're too young for me. I don't want to be a cradle robber. I tried that once and look how great it turned out." She glares pointedly at Cloud.

"Hey, don't look at me like that. I _chose_ not to be a conventional hero."

"Yeah, and look at you now… You're not even happy enough to enjoy a surprise party thrown by your friends!"

"My friends probably got roped into this whole thing," Cloud says, looking at Zack, Levei and Valentine. Valentine is the only one to respond with a nod.

"Why do you want a hero, anyway, Ryiah? You don't need protecting," Zack points out.

"It's the money," Ryiah admits with a shrug. "And the fame."

"Why don't _you_ do something that will make you famous and rich?" Levei asks.

"Hey, didn't you say the Turks make more money than us heroes?!"

"Turks make more money than heroes…?" Reno repeats. "Are you serious, yo? We get paid to bury bodies. We don't get paid _anything_."

"Enough to buy a helicopter," Ryiah adds with a shrug.

"If you don't get paid, then why do you do it?" Zack asks.

"For the chase, man," Reno replies, looking at Cloud.

Rude nods. "Someone has to do it."

"I just do it for the fancy clothes," Ryiah says, fixing her tie.

"Well, then next time I see Tseng, I'm going to have a talk with him," Zack says. "He always makes fun of my paycheck…"

"Being a Turk is hard work," Tsiang says. "I hope to move up in the ranks so I can be as good as them." He points to Ryiah, Reno, and Rude. "And then hang out with people all the time."

"It's not about hanging out, Tsiang, you have to do work and-" Levei stops and looks at Ryiah. "Never mind, you're right. You'll get there."

"I'm glad I'm not part of either organization," Cloud states.

"Being part of an organization is how you get paid, get a place to live, and have a purpose in your life," Ryiah counters.

"I get paid...when I do favors for people. And I have a place to live in the back of Tifa's bar in my hometown!"

"So...you're a male prostitute?" Ryiah asks.

"It does kind of sound like that…" Zack adds.

"That would explain why I caught him in a dress…" Reno mutters, reflecting on some of their memories of the chase.

"Have you ever woken up without your clothes on, Cloud?" Levei asks.

"Not that I remember. I usually don't sleep with a shirt on."

"And do you lock your doors?"

"Usually."

Levei shakes her head. "I'm pretty sure this is not good, Cloud…"

"Look, I'm doing fine," he snaps at everyone. "Great, in fact."

"Then why are you so angsty all the time?" Ryiah demands. "You're too cool for school."

"Quit calling me 'angsty'. I'm not a teenager."

"Then what's the issue? Yeah, you've been through some heavy stuff, but look at Levei. She's fine." Ryiah points to Levei who is stroke the star-shaped chocobo egg methodically. She nods at Cloud.

"You just don't want to admit that I've changed," Cloud says. "You haven't, though, which is why you're bothering me about it."

"Now, now, everyone is just a little tense from...missions…" Zack says a little unsurely. "And we all have changed, but there is something that hasn't."

"Is it your happy-go-lucky, naive self?" Levei asks.

"I'm not naive! Just trusting. There's a difference," Zack points out. "I meant that we're all friends! Whoever we are, wherever we've been, we're all the best of friends and no one can take that away from us!"

"Yeah!" Tsiang cheers, prompting everyone to look at him. "I'm included in this, aren't I…?"

"Of course you're included Vincent!" Ryiah exclaims. "We love you!"

"I'm over here…" Valentine says.

Ryiah looks between Valentine and Tsiang. "Tsiang! You imposter! How dare you try and infiltrate my feelings for Vincent!"

"What?! It wasn't me!" Tsiang cries. "I mean...I wasn't trying to! I mean...I want to be friends…"

Cloud crosses his arms and looks at Zack. "Try telling her that."

Zack scratches the back of his head. "What do you say, Ryiah?"

"You can be my friend when you're a _real_ Turk," Ryiah replies to Tsiang. "I don't give my friendships away lightly."

"Go easy on the kid," Reno says. "He does have a little part of Tseng in him. You can almost see it, yo."

"Blasphemy!"

"But...we really are related…" Tsiang says. "I don't have a sad backstory of Uncle Tseng finding me in an alleyway and then adopting me and raising me as his own...we were already related…"

"But then you had to become a Turk, and there's nothing more sad than that," Levei points out.

"It's not too bad…most of the time…"

"It's the best job ever," Reno says.

Rude nods in agreement.

"We will agree...to disagree," Zack says, high-fiving himself.

Ryiah squints at Tsiang. "I really can't see it. Are you sure you weren't adopted? I feel like if you had even an ounce of Tseng in you, I would be much more attracted to you."

"_More _attracted?" Tsiang repeats. "So you are a little bit?"

"More attracted than the -20% attraction I feel right now."

Tsiang hangs his head.

"It's okay, Tsiang buddy, you don't want her affection," Reno comforts him. "It stings most of the time."

"You don't get to be queen bee without stinging a few lessers," Ryiah recites with a shrug.

Cloud scoffs and Rude adjusts his glasses.

"I'm just glad I was never in the Ryiah group," Zack says, pointing to Cloud, Reno, Rude, and Valentine.

"Don't include me," Valentine says. "I had no part in anything."

"I don't know if any of them really had a choice."

"You've always had my affection, Zack," Ryiah says. "Well, maybe not always. Anyway, you've been friend-zoned since nearly the beginning, so you, sir, are definitely part of 'the Ryiah group.'"

Zack face palms. "It's hard being so gorgeous."

Valentine looks at the fan page on his phone. "Tell me about it…"

"Try being surrounded by hot men all the time. Eventually you turn into…" Levei motions toward Ryiah.

"Nooo!" Tsiang cries out.

"...I meant if you were into men, Tsiang. You don't just switch to the other team by association. That's not how it works."

"Oh...heh…"

"Your goal should be to _become_ one of the gorgeous men."

Tsiang turns to Valentine. "How do I do that? Teach me your ways."

"You have the outfit complete," Valentine says, looking over his red cape and headband. "But you look more like a blacksmith I once knew by the name of Barrett who lived on a farm far, far away…" He looked into the distance for a moment, then snapped back to Tsiang. "In other words, you're too scrawny."

"How could a blacksmith be scrawny?!"

Valentine shrugs. "He was drawn to be a cute anime character. We Final Fantasy characters are all man. ...Well, maybe a little feminine."

"I'm no character!" Zack exclaims. 'I'm Zack Fair!"

"What's all this 'Final Fantasy' you're talking about?" Cloud asks. "I've never heard of it."

"It sounds like a death sentence," Ryiah remarks. "'This is your _final_ fantasy boys, so make it good.'"

"But...there are so many more adventures to have!" Zack cries. "This can't be it!"

"You should be happy that Ryiah and I intervened," Levei says.

"Why?"

Levei puts her hand on Zack's. "Let's just say you go to the...Bahamas."

"That sounds like a nice vacation. Why wouldn't I want to go to the Bahamas?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

"Looks like Valentine has a lot of secrets with Ryiah, since he knows all this stuff…" Reno says.

Rude nods in agreement.

Ryiah sighs. "You know what, Cloud? I apologize."

"Wh-what? Really? ...for what?"

"I apologize on behalf of you for being such a wimp."

Cloud clenches his fists. "Seriously?"

Ryiah nods. "Let's be friends again. I miss my little Blondie. Tsiang isn't the same. He truly is a wimp!"

"H-hey, that does hurt, no matter how many times you say it…" Tsiang whimpers.

"There is no way I'm ever going to become your 'Blondie' again. We can be friends...maybe. But you have to start treating me as your equal."

"No deal," Ryiah simply states. Cloud narrows his eyes at her, and she sighs in defeat. "Fine, Cloud, let's be friends."

She stretches out her hand, and Cloud hesitantly takes it and shakes. "Now how about you take me for a ride on that motorbike of yours? We have to pick up the ice cream cake."

"Ice cream cake?" Cloud repeats. "For...my party?"

"Yep."

"Sweet."

Reno eyes the two skeptically, as though suspicious if they have other motives.

Zack grins widely. "That's more like it! See, I told you guys you can work out some kind of middle ground."

"I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet, Zack," Levei warns.

Zack turns to her. "Huh? Why not?"

"It's Ryiah."

"Yeah, but...come on, we know she's really our friend, underneath all of...that." He points to Ryiah.

Levei pets her chocobo egg. "I guess as the father of my child, I should trust you."

Zack smiles proudly. "Thank you, dear."

Ryiah turns to glare at Levei. "What do you mean underneath 'all of that'? What is 'that'? I work hard to keep my figure trim and slim! There is not a whole lot of 'that' anywhere."

She lets out a 'Hmph!' before leaving with Cloud.

"There's a little junk in the trunk yo," Reno says.

Several gunshots go through the window, barely missing everyone.

"Be more careful, Reno," Rude advises, adjusting his sunglasses; he was glad they weren't grazed.

"I don't know why I'm being blamed for what _you_ said, Zack," Levei says after a moment, noticing Ryiah had glared at her, rather than Zack.

Zack puts his arm around Levei. "It's because we're kind of a unit."

"Is that how you ask someone on a date?"

"A date? No, I didn't-" He cuts himself off and thinks quickly. "I mean yes. That is how I'm asking you."

"It's a little weird, but…" Levei looks at the present company. "None of us are exactly 'normal'..."

"So...is that a yes?"

"Yes."

"Sweet." Zack fist pumps. "We'll, uh, figure out the details after Cloud's party and try not to make it too much about...us." He squeezes her shoulder affectionately.

"Oh how the mighty have fallen."

"What?"

"Just kidding."

Valentine sits down on a chair and pulls out a deck of cards, shuffling them. "I assume everyone knows how to play Poker?"


	19. That's Confidential, Yo

**Chapter Nineteen: That's Confidential, Yo**

Holding Cloud's waist as they zip through the desert, Ryiah buries her face in his back, protected from the wind rushing past them.

"Where is this ice cream cake, anyway?" Cloud asks after a while. "Why are we in the desert? Seems counterproductive."

"Just keep going, I'm living out a fantasy," Ryiah replies. "I always imagined riding on the back of your bike through a desert. Like in the movies."

"'In the movies'? What movies?"

"Maybe it was a dream," she says, shrugging, even though no one can see it since she's on the back of a bike going 90 miles per hour. It's surprising they can have a conversation at all.

"You've been dreaming about me?"

"Turn here!" Ryiah suddenly shouts in his ear. "That's the ice cream place."

Cloud stops the motorcycle and takes off his helmet, looking at the store. "'Super Happy Fun Time - Making kids scream for their ice cream since 1955'", he reads with a concerned look on his face. "Are you sure we should be supporting a business with a name like that?"

* * *

Back at the house, the group sits around the table, intently looking at their hands.

Zack smiles as he looks from his cards to everyone, then back to his cards.

Levei looks at him closely. "He's got a good hand."

Everyone immediately folds.

"Aw man, come on!" Zack whines, dropping his cards.

"You need to work on your poker face."

* * *

Ryiah walks up to the counter of the ice cream place, where a creepy clown is blowing up balloon animals. "Hey."

The clown giggles. "Well hello there, boys and girls. Would you like to see a trick?"

Cloud glances at Ryiah. "No, we're here to pick up a cake."

"Smell my flower first," the clown persists.

"I don't think so."

"Come on, Cloud, smell it," Ryiah prompts.

The clown motions to the flower pinned to his clown suit.

"No way, I'll never agree to that," Cloud says, but is sprayed by the flower anyway.

"You look like a chocobo left out in the rain," Ryiah says.

"Give me the cake," Cloud tells the clown in an annoyed town.

"Here ya go, buddy," the clown says with a giggle.

Cloud reaches for the cake and the frosting flower squirts him. "Ryiah…"

"Okay, okay, let's have the real cake," Ryiah says. She reaches for the cake and a bunch of doves fly out of it. "I'm not even mad, that's amazing."

"Of course _you're_ enjoying it…" Cloud mumbles.

"Okay, we really have some place to be," Ryiah says. "Can we have the cake I put on reservation?"

"We don't do ice cream cakes here, only scoops," the clown replies.

"...then why did you let me make a reservation?!"

"I'm lonely…" he giggles.

"Come on, Ryiah, thanks for trying," Cloud says. "We'll go some place closer to home."

Ryiah sighs. "Let's face it, your party was a fail."

"It's the thought that counts." Cloud hands Ryiah a helmet.

* * *

"So, uh, when do you think they'll be getting back, yo?" Reno asks.

Levei looks through her cards. "It'll probably take a while for her to bury the body," she says nonchalantly, not looking up from her hand.

"Is she going to kill him?"

"Levei's kidding, they'll probably be back soon," Zack assures him. "Cloud's not one for talking too much."

"If we're lucky they'll never come back," Valentine says.

"So nothing's going on?" Reno asks.

"Between Ryiah and Cloud? I...don't think so," Zack says with a shrug. "You still interested in Ryiah?"

"Nah, just wondering...yo. Just friends."

"While we have you here, Reno…" Levei says. "Would you care to tell us more about the Turks?"

"Huh? Don't you already know from Ryiah?"

"She makes up things about your organization more than she tells the truth," Levei explains. "She does a lot of other things than she tells the truth, now that I think about it. I don't think she even knows what the word means."

Reno grins. "That's Ryiah. Well, what do you want to know?"

"Do you really have 'Turk Lessons', or whatever she calls them?" Zack asks. "I've heard her go up in the seven hundreds…"

"That's confidential, yo," Reno replies.

"How about your ability to materialize and hide in the shadows? Do they teach that? Or are you guys all...subhuman?"

"Confidential, man."

"What _can_ you tell me?"

Reno thinks a moment. "We...have to wear suits...to work."

Zack facepalms.

"I guess it's not just a Ryiah thing, but a Turk thing," Levei says. "I probably should be more surprised."

"You're not missing much," Valentine says as he shuffles the cards.

"Sure they are," Reno counters. "Being a Turk is the best."

"We need some, uh, evidence to believe you," Zack suggests.

"Confidential."

"I guess we should move on…"

Just then Ryiah walks in with Cloud, both empty handed.

"Cloud failed to pick up the cake," she reports.

"Ryiah failed to reserve an actual cake."

"Cloud...sniffed a Clown's flower!"

Zack gasps. "Wait...what?"

Cloud shakes his head. "You don't want to know. And for the record, I sniffed nothing."

"We did get you all these balloon animals shaped like you," Ryiah offers as Cloud hands them out.

"Hey, this looks like a monkey," Tsiang whines. "This isn't me at all!"

"What are you talking about?"

Zack looks at it and grins. "Spitting image."

Tsiang silently mumbles things while looking at the balloon animal.

Levei looks at the flower-shaped balloon in her hands. "This isn't even animal."

Zack takes it from her and examines it. "Sure it is. It's a...bird...thing."

"It's a flower."

"It's your spirit animal!"

"There's been a mistake."

"We all know you're a beautiful flower inside, Levei," Ryiah says.

Reno holds up his balloon. "Why is this shaped like a snake?"

"That's not a snake…"

"...then what is it?"

"Maybe it's a walking stick," Zack suggests.

"I don't think that's a practical use for a balloon," Cloud points out.

"A...magic wand?"

"So they aren't balloon animals, they're balloons in the shape of Ryiah's innuendos," Levei concludes.

"That one was mine, actually," Cloud says pointing to Reno. "Because I think Reno is a-"

"Cloud!" Ryiah interrupts. "What has gotten into you?!"

"Serves him right for chasing me all the time."

"I'm on a break, this was uncalled for, yo," Reno says, waving the balloon around.

Ryiah covers Tsiang's eyes. "Don't wave that thing around, Reno! The children!"

"What? What's going on?" Tsiang asks.

"Turks pretending they're adults and then acting like children," Levei reports.

"But uncle is always mature…"

"Tseng is a special kind of Turk, Tsiang. He's the kind Shinra wants to employ. And then when they can't find more of him, they give up and find all these people."

"Am I one?"

"It's too early to tell."

"...Ryiah, can I open my eyes yet?"

Ryiah removes her hands. "What's next, folks? Surprise party was ruined by...who do I blame? I can't blame Cloud for ruining his own surprise party...Tsiang! It's your fault. You should have foreseen us not getting a cake and Cloud not enjoying the karaoke, and fixed it!"

"...is that a Turk thing?"

"Confidential," Reno says.

"But I'm a Turk! I need to know!"

Reno looks him up and down. "Not yet."

Tsiang sighs. "How am I ever supposed to become a Turk when you guys don't let me do anything?"

"You have to leave this group in order to grow, Tsiang," Levei counsels him. "We're just going to hold you back."

"Leave?" Tsiang repeats. "Like Valentine?" He points to the caped man who is inching toward the door.

He stops and notices everyone looking at him, then walks over and sits on the chair. "I thought I heard something." He clears his throat.

"That's a great idea!" Ryiah exclaims, clapping. "Vincent can train Tsiang!" She pats the Turk-in-training on the back. "Vincey is a great mentor. He is actually the one that taught Tseng everything he knows."

"R-really?" Tsiang stutters.

"No! But go, have fun." Ryiah pushes him toward Valentine.

"First mission," Valentine says, handing Tsiang the floppy disc. "Convert this into a CD."

"Do we have that kind of technology?" Tsiang asks; when Valentine towers over him with a glare, he adds, "I'll...I'll figure it out."

"Maybe Valentine can help Tsiang remember what the mission was supposed to be," Levei suggests.

"Enough about this mission," Ryiah says, tugging on her hair. "I broke up with Reno because I wanted to focus on my career and he wanted to focus on his. End of story."

"And Ryiah was afraid of commitment."

"And Reno was too much of a playboy. I couldn't settle down with someone who attracts so many women, who is never around, and whose job takes priority."

"Tch, that's not true, yo. I was always faithful. And talk about never around, _you_ were never around."

Levei looks at Ryiah and Reno, then thoughtfully looks at her folded hands in her lap.

Zack scratches the back of his head. "I guess we should consider this mission complete then? I don't know what Tseng wanted out of this, anyway. But I guess we'll never understand the mind of a genius."

Tsiang nods solemnly as he's looking up 'floppy disc to CD conversions' on his phone.

Reno stands up. "Ryiah, I want to give it another shot. These last few weeks-"

"It's barely been 24 hours," Zack corrects.

"-I've realized how much I've missed you," Reno continues without skipping a beat. "Your quirky personality, the jokes you and Rude share, your commitment to your job."

Cloud scoffs. "'Commitment to your job'? Do you know her at all?"

"I know her better than you ever will," Reno snaps, pointing to Cloud with his taser.

Cloud takes out his sword. "Wanna bet?"

Levei turns to Zack. "Aren't you going to say something?"

Zack grabs her hands and looks into her eyes. "Yes, it's something I've wanted to say for a while now…"

"I meant about this situation!" Levei exclaims, pointing at Cloud and Reno who are about to start fighting.

"Oh right," Zack says, dropping her hands, standing up, and running in between them, readying his sword. "Alright you two, let's calm down for a minute."

"Move out of the way, Zack," Cloud says.

"We don't need you in our business, yo," Reno adds.

"You guys haven't even asked Ryiah what she thinks," Zack reminds them.

The two turn to Ryiah, who claps excitedly. "This is great! It's been so long since two men fought over me! What an ego boost!"

"What do you think, Ryiah? Give things another go?" Reno asks. "I work out my schedule so we cross paths more often?"

"Don't do it Ryiah, you broke it off for a reason," Cloud counters.

"Cloud, why does it matter?" Ryiah asks. "I know we had...something. But you left and you chose not to be with me."

"Whoa, you two had something?" Reno asks, putting down his taser. "No way, I thought he just hated me."

"Does it really matter? Maybe...maybe I do want to be with you, Ryiah. I became a strong man-"

"For me?"

"Well...no. I did it for vengeance, but...that's not the point."

Reno takes a step closer to her. "Who's it going to be, Ryiah?"


	20. I Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts

**Chapter Twenty: I Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts**

Levei looks at Valentine. Valentine turns to Levei. Levei makes a knowing face. Valentine shakes his head. Levei shrugs, but Valentine keeps shaking his head. Finally, Levei nods.

"Guys, I don't think you can take the information from a floppy disc to a CD without having a computer that reads floppy discs… This is bad," Tsiang reports, looking up to see Zack, Cloud, and Reno all with their weapons out. "What did I miss…?"

"I need some time…" Ryiah finally says. "I have so much history with you, Reno, but Cloud and I have unfinished business. Plus I have to break up with my boyfriend before I jump into another relationship."

"Boyfriend?!" the two men exclaim.

"What? Like I would be single," Ryiah responds, waving up the length of her body. "Look at me. This girl is never without."

"Am I the only one not surprised by this?" Levei asks, looking at everyone's shocked faces. "Really? You'd think with everything we've been through…"

Zack puts his sword on his back. "So is everyone calm now?"

Cloud also puts his sword away. "I'm tired of these games."

"Why haven't you mentioned a boyfriend until now?" Reno asks. "Who is he?"

"His name is Rain," Ryiah replies. "I'm surprised you didn't see him when you were staying in my zen garden house. He usually keeps the grounds while I'm away, which is all the time. I'm never home."

"I didn't see anyone while I was there," Zack says. "When was the last time you saw him?"

Ryiah pauses to think. "Hmm...well, the last time I was home was...about a year ago. Maybe two years ago… You don't think he's moved on, do you? How dare he…"

"How dare _he_?" Reno repeats.

"That doesn't exactly sound like a relationship, so you guys can continue fighting," Levei says.

"I thought you wanted it to be handled peacefully!" Zack exclaims.

"I just want it to be handled. If they want to fight over her, I'm sure she won't stop them."

"I said I need time," Ryiah says, crossing her arms. "I'm leaving...to think things over."

"But...the mission," Tsiang whimpers.

"While she's thinking things over, let's go check out my boat," Reno suggests.

"You just want to get your hands on Ryiah," Cloud says, glaring at him.

"Yes, _my_ Ryiah."

"She's not yours anymore. Not since she ended up a piece of trash in a junkyard."

"Whoa, whoa, wait, I'm confused. Are we talking about Ryiah or the boat?"

Cloud turns his glare at Tsiang.

"I, uh...it was him," Tsiang stutters, pointing at Zack.

Zack puts up his hands defensively. "I'm not part of this, other than to keep everyone alive."

"Everyone here is at their position in their work, not because they've earned it, but because they're survivors. So it's safe to say no one will die," Levei says. "I don't think this is one of those stories. Sean isn't around."

"Who?" Zack asks.

"Yeah, him."

At the boat, Reno touches the S.S. Ryiah longingly. "I never thought I'd see her again. We had some good times."

"So what's wrong with her?" Tsiang asks. "We already checked it out, there's no damage, but she did sink…"

"I drive boats, not fix them, yo," Reno replies. "Don't ask me."

Tsiang facepalms.

"You said it was stolen, right?" Zack clarifies. "Maybe we can...dust for fingerprints?"

"It's been sitting out here for years after being at the bottom of the ocean," Rude says. "Do you really think we are going to find fingerprints?"

"I'm, uh, not a detective, per se…" Zack mutters.

"You have to be able to use a lot of mental power to be one of those," Levei points out.

"Hey, I use my brain all the time!" Zack contests. "Being SOLDIER isn't always hacking and slashing enemies that your boss tells you to kill! ...Sometimes you also have to solve puzzles and stuff."

"Those puzzles are not the exactly the most difficult thing…"

"Depends on what difficulty level you're on," Zack replies with a shrug.

"Difficulty level…?" Cloud repeats, looking at Valentine who nods knowingly.

Just then an old sailor saunters up to them. "What are you kids doing in my here graveyard?" he asks.

"Your graveyard?" Reno says.

"Yar, _my_ graveyard. I own these dead boats and the ghosts that live within 'em."

"Ghosts?" Zack and Tsiang repeat.

"This one here," Reno starts, pointing to the S.S. Ryiah. "This used to be my boat before it got stolen. Do you know anything about it?"

"Naw, I just know it turned up one day. But if you stay the night in 'er, maybe the spirit of this ol' boat will speak to y'all."

"Spend the night inside Ryiah?" Reno says. "Alright, I guess we have no other choice.

"This sounds like a bad idea, guys…" Tsiang says in a quiet voice. "And I'm not just talking about the innuendos."

"I'm with the kid," Zack agrees. "I don't think we should. Only bad things can come from this."

"How else will you finish your mission, Tsiang?" Cloud asks.

"...you're right...I guess we have to...for the mission."

Levei nods. "That's the spirit."

"I see you're now more of a mini-Levei than a mini-Zack," Zack says with a sigh. "It was fun while it lasted."

"Someone should let Ryiah know we're staying the night...so she doesn't worry," Cloud says. "I'll go."

"Still afraid of ghosts?" Zack asks in a teasing tone. "I knew there was a little bit of the old Cloud in there somewhere."

"Hold it buddy, you're not going anywhere," Reno says. "I can see right through you, yo." He narrows his eyes at Cloud.

"First off, I ain't afraid of no ghosts," Cloud says. "And second, I have no agenda. I just thought maybe Ryiah would be upset if we abandon-"

"Cloud, come on, man," Zack says. "You're not fooling anyone. If I know Ryiah, and we all do, she is the last person you need to look after."

Cloud crosses his arms. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

He starts toward the boat, everyone following behind.

"This boat has seen better days…" Zack says, surveying the worn down boat. Most of the damage is cosmetic, nothing too serious.

"I'm sure the same could be said of the real thing, too," Levei says.

"Nah, Ryiah ages like a nice wine, yo," Reno counters.

Cloud turns to look at his phone.

"You on Facebook or something?" Zack asks; when he gets no response he frowns. "Oh I see, I'm not _cool_ enough to hear? Am I like the parent who just doesn't understand?"

"Don't go adopting other children, Zack," Levei warns. "We can't afford it on your Hero salary."

Tsiang checks his phone. "I know we're staying the night on a boat, Cloud, why are you texting me?" he asks. "And what's with the heart-eyed smiley face?"

Cloud checks his phone again, then looks at Tsiang. "This is Ryiah's number…"

"We traded phones. She wanted a new one, so she let me have her old one. All these weird guys keep calling with the wrong number."

Cloud facepalms.

"'Heart-eyed smiley'?" Reno repeats. "Come on, man…"

"Why didn't you already have a phone, Tsiang?" Levei asks. "I thought they gave them to every Turk."

"...Uncle said I wasn't ready for one," he says, holding the phone tightly. "But he doesn't have to know about this one...right guys?"

"Let's tell stories to pass the time," Zack suggests. "Anyone have any good scary ones?"

"Preferably about old, haunted boats," Levei adds.

"...that might be a little _too_ scary, given the circumstances."

Rude shines a flashlight under his face and, without warning, begins a tale. "There once were two men on a boat. They sailed the world until one day they parked the boat outside a shady gas station, and while they were inside buying snacks, the boat was stolen by a boat thief. The boat thief was infamous for their getaways. Their name was-"

"Whoa, hold on, Rude," Reno interrupts. "This story sounds familiar. Didn't we stop at a gas station when the boat was stolen?"

Rude shrugs.

"Gas station?" Zack repeats. "Is this a car or a boat…?"

"He was just about to tell us the name of the thief!" Cloud exclaims.

"Was it…Sephiroth?" Tsiang asks in a low voice.

"What?! Why would you guess it was Sephiroth?" Zack asks.

"I hear he creates problems for other SOLDIER members and Turks, completely unseen… He still walks the halls of HQ, looking for people he can torment and ruin their lives…"

"That makes him sound like a ghost. He's still alive, Tsiang."

"If you say his name three times, he appears," Levei says, ignoring Zack.

"Really…?"

"You're not serious, are you, Tsiang?" Zack asks in disbelief.

"No...so who was the thief, Rude?"

"Yeah, Rude, who was he?" Cloud chimes in.

"It wasn't a he… it was a she," Rude clarifies.

Everyone gasps.

"Wait, why is that shocking?" Zack asks.

"I was expecting a man…" Cloud admits.

"Racist," Tsiang says.

"How is that racist…?"

Tsiang turns to Levei. "Levei is a great thief. She taught me how to steal this…!" He holds up Zack's wallet.

Zack feels his pockets. "Hey, wait a second! That's mine!" He snatches it from Tsiang. "Levei, why are you teaching him this kind of stuff?!"

"The kid has to learn the important things in life," Levei simply replies.

"Yeah, but you should have taught him not to steal from _me_!"

"But you're such an easy target. I thought he could use some practice."

"Wait...Levei is a girl..._and _a thief…" Tsiang says slowly, then suddenly points at her. "It was you!"


	21. Red-Headed Turk at Your Service

**Chapter Twenty-One: Red-Headed Turk at Your Service**

"Wait...Levei is a girl..._and _a thief…" Tsiang says slowly, then suddenly points at her. "It was you!"

"Now _that's_ racist," Zack says.

"Still not racist," Cloud amends.

"Was it you?" Rude asks.

"Yo, that ain't cool, man," Reno adds. "Just going along with it and leading us on. You should have told us sooner."

Levei looks at everyone as they stare at her, waiting for answers.

"Look guys, it was nothing personal. It was just for a mission," she reports.

"...we probably should have seen that coming," Zack admits.

"Who would put up a mission to steal the S.S. Ryiah?" Tsiang asks.

"The better question is...how could that have gotten past the people in charge of making sure the missions aren't this ridiculous," Cloud points out.

"Remember all those ones Ryiah used to put up?" Levei reminds them. "Clearly that person doesn't know how to do their job."

"That's a good point, Levei…" Cloud says thoughtfully. "Ryiah does put up a lot of missions and no one bats an eye. Do you think...Ryiah could have posted this mission, too?"

"The mission to steal Ryiah? But why…?" Reno asks.

"You two did break up," Zack points out. "Maybe she didn't like her ex owning a boat with her name."

"But if you stole it, Levei...then how did it sink?" Tsiang asks.

"Look, I just stole the boat and then left it at the designated location. I did think it was strange that Ryiah's name was on it, and I knew something like this whole thing would happen," Levei says, pointing to the circle of people. "But I hoped my intuition was wrong. I wish it was wrong at least sometimes. It's the burden I carry, I'm afraid."

"...it does sound like something Ryiah would do…" Cloud says.

"Maybe...maybe she got this whole thing together so she could finally sort out her feelings," Zack suggests.

"I find it hard to believe she'd drag the rest of us in with it," Levei says. "Like she said, she doesn't like us to pry into her business."

"Unless...this is her way of saying she wants our help. And you know Ryiah, she probably doesn't want to let on that she needs help."

"She needs help alright.."

"Someone should call Ryiah," Tsiang says.

"You have a phone, why don't you call her?" Zack points out.

"I told you, she wouldn't let me have her number…"

"I'll do it," Reno announces. "If she wants to sort out her feelings about me, I'll gladly tell her what she should be feeling." He grins as he holds his phone to his ear.

Tsiang's phone starts ringing and he picks it up. "Hello?"

"Ryiah, we found out about what you did. It was really sweet but you should have just told me-"

"This isn't Ryiah."

"Shh, shh, I'm not finished, Ryiah. You should have told me you still had feelings. We could have worked it out without getting all these people involved." Reno turns to glare at Cloud.

"I told you she gave me her phone. This isn't Ryiah."

"I know, baby, I know. So what do you say, Ryiah? Are you ready to give it another shot, yo?"

"This is Tsiang, not Ryiah…"

"...Tsiang? What the heck, man?!" Reno turns to look at Tsiang with a shocked and angry expression.

"I tried to tell you!" Tsiang shouts, cowering under Reno's glare.

"Tsiang, don't try," Levei counsels. "You need to learn to quit while you're ahead."

"So I guess...no one has her new number then," Zack says with a sigh. "Oh, maybe we can call-" He is interrupted by a text on his own phone that reads "No." "Tseng's number is always blocked, so I can't reply…"

"You remember the last time Ryiah left and we didn't know how to get in touch with her?" Levei asks.

"You mean...at Nibelheim?" Zack clarifies. "Yeah, but she only came back because Cloud…"

"...because Cloud what?" Reno asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't think it'll work this time," Cloud says simply.

"Why not? You just get into a little trouble, maybe send out another 'help' mission, and then she comes to save you!" Zack says. "No problem!"

"I think I revoked my privileges to put up missions when I left Shinra," Cloud replies. "Besides, Ryiah already thinks I'm enough of a damsel in distress. I don't want to encourage her."

"Maybe...Reno?" Tsiang suggests, still cowering under his glare.

"No way, yo. I'm never in distress."

"I'll do it," Zack steps up. "We are _best_ friends. She told me."

"I thought she said you were friend_zoned_," Cloud says. "There's a difference."

"Not me, Cloud, not me."

He pulls out his phone, types furiously, and everyone who has access to the Shinra missions checks their phones.

"'Help, I've fallen and cannot get up. I need the assistance of a red-headed Turk. Help. Urgent," Reno reads in a monotone voice.

Zack promptly sits on the ground. "Now all I have to do is wait."

Reno reaches down and lifts Zack up by the arm. "Red-headed Turk at your service. Mission complete." The Final Fantasy victory music plays.

Zack snaps. "I knew there was a flaw to my plan…"

"Was the flaw that you put the reward as one million gil?" Levei asks.

"Wait, what?!" Zack looks at his phone in panic.

"Sweet, I needed to buy a new suit," Reno says.

"I'll just...put that on Shinra's tab."

"So _that's_ how Shinra went bankrupt…" Levei says.

"From mission reward errors?" Cloud asks.

"No, from their Heroes."

"I'm not the only one!" Zack exclaims.

"I was also talking about Sephiroth. That was a lot of damage he did, both to the buildings and to the reputation. And this was once a man who pretended to date a Turk he couldn't stand because it helped Shinra's stock prices. How things have changed."

"Not everything has changed, unfortunately…" Cloud mutters.

"What now? How do we get Ryiah's attention?" Tsiang asks, sitting down and curling up into a ball. "I'm feeling rather hopeless."

"She'll turn up," Zack says. "She always does. Until then, let's take this old boat out and have a good time."

He fist pumps and the group exchanges glances.

"But it sunk, it's in a graveyard," Cloud points out. "Why would we take it out?"

Zack holds up a finger. "It sunk, but it didn't have anything wrong with it, remember?"

Every nods slowly and skeptically.

* * *

In the water, Zack stands on the bow of the boat as water slowly comes up to his knees, the boat sinking in slow motion Titanic-style.

Cloud rows by on a life raft. "What. An. Adventure," he says with a sigh.

"I don't understand, yo," Reno says. "No holes, no engine issues...how does a boat randomly just _sink_?"

"I guess we'll never know now…" Tsiang says. "Since it'll be at the bottom of the ocean…"

Finally submerged in the water, Zack swims over to a piece of driftwood floating by. "Sorry guys, heh. It seemed like a good idea."

"Maybe it has a curse on it," Cloud guesses.

"Does that mean we're all cursed now that we sunk it?!" Tsiang exclaims. "I can't be cursed! I'm so young! I don't want to sink randomly!"

Rude stands on the edge of Cloud's lifeboat, adjusting his sunglasses. "How are we going to get to land?"

"Careful, you're going to sink this boat, too," Cloud says.

Reno climbs into the boat. "Just keep paddling, Blondie."

"...don't you dare call me Blondie."

* * *

"I know you seem to think we have our differences," Ryiah tells Valentine as they sit together in his apartment. "But when it's just the two of us, no drama or incompetent conversations, we are quite compatible."

She sips her tea as Valentine wipes his hands on his apron. "Dinner will be ready in a few moments. Can you set the table for me?"

"Sure thing, Vincey. Where are your dishes? ...do you even have a dining table?"

"There are a few dishes in the cupboard. I usually just eat in front of the TV."

"I had no idea you were such a great cook," Ryiah compliments, taking down some dishes and letting Valentine serve the food on them before they retire to the little television with a static screen.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me. For instance, I used to have shorter hair."

"Oooh, tell me more."

"That is about all you don't already know, unfortunately."

"How do you think they're doing...without us? The glue that holds the group together."

"They're fine, don't worry. They have probably taken on a new mission and are working together to solve it. They don't really need us… especially me." He narrows his eyes at her.

"You're right, Vincey. I should just try and relax. It's not like they're going to die," Ryiah replies with a laugh.

* * *

"We're all gonna die!" Tsiang shouts as he swims in circles, trapped in a whirlpool.

"Why did we keep doing this mission?" Zack asks. "Why didn't we take on a new one and wait for Ryiah to get back?!" He treads water like crazy.

"I wish Valentine was here!" Cloud exclaims.

Out on the beach in the distance, Levei looks out at the chaos in the distance. "I tell them to wait for two minutes, and this is what happens…." she mutters with a sigh.

"I didn't write my Will!" Zack shouts. "They won't know who to give my stuff to!"

"It'll all go to Shinra, Zack," Cloud says. "Everything we ever made will always go to Shinra…."

"But what if I get married? What if I have kids?!"

"We have to do something!" Tsiang cuts in. "You guys are SOLDIER, aren't you?!"

"You're right! ...hey wait, you guys are Turks!"

Reno looks at Rude. Rude looks back at Reno and nods.

Reno presses some buttons on his watch and it shines the outline of Tseng in the sky reminiscent of a certain bat, and a helicopter flies down and drops a ladder, which Reno, Rude, and Tsiang expertly grab. It begins to retract, and Zack starts to panic.

"Wait! What was that?! All this time you guys could sign your magic watch and Tseng would appear?!" He receives a reply in the form of a text reading "Yes."

"Can we...get a ride?" Cloud asks, still floating on a small raft.

Rude adjusts his glasses. "I guess it couldn't hurt."

Reno puts down the ladder for them to climb up.

"We're saved! We're saved!" Zack exclaims triumphantly as he's climbing up. He settles into the helicopter and looks around. "Hey, where did Valentine and Levei go?"

Cloud pauses for a second to think. "I think Levei told us to wait for her while she went to the bathroom."

"Think she'll be mad?" Zack asks, cringing.

"She's probably happier to be alone. Or with Valentine."

"...alone with Valentine…?"

Cloud notices the expression on Zack's face. "Looks like we're going to have another battle of the hearts soon."

"We should have a death match," Reno adds. "Me versus Cloud, and Zack versus Valentine."

Zack thinks a moment. "I don't want to kill Valentine."

* * *

"I just don't know how to choose…" Ryiah says, braiding Valentine's long, black hair. 'I mean, why do I have to choose anyway?! I should get to have both…"

"That's not how it works," Valentine replies. "You can't eat this chocolate cake_ and_ these gummi bears. You'll make yourself sick."

"You're no fun, Vincey."

* * *

Reno shrugs. "You do what you have to, yo."

"Do you think you'd even be able to kill Valentine, Zack?" Cloud asks.

Zack thinks for a moment. "...I don't know…"

Cloud sighs and puts his head to the back of his seat.

"If you're tired, you can just give up," Reno presses.

"I'll never give up. And you'll never catch me. Just try and kill me. You can't even get close."

The scene of them all sitting together in the helicopter is covered with the words "And Final Fantasy 7 Begins…"

"Not this again," Reno whines.

"You are in a helicopter with us," Rude remarks. "Where are you going to go?"

"...to the other side of the...wall." He moves down a few seats.

"No standing in my helicopter," Tseng calls out from the driver's seat.

"S-Sorry…"

"I'm not sure I like where this is going…" Zack says. "No one should be chasing anyone. We haven't known you two for a long time. But I'd like to think of you guys as friends."

"We've known each other for long enough."


	22. Sounds Like a Setup For Trouble

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Sounds Like a Setup For Trouble**

Back at Valentine's house, the two sit in the living room when there's a knock at the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" Valentine asks.

"It's your house, shouldn't I be asking you that?" Ryiah asks.

"No one ever visits me. Except you. I really hope that it's not another Ryiah."

"Do you want me to answer it?"

"Let's just...leave it. They'll go away eventually."

"Don't be rude, Vincey!" Ryiah walks to the door and opens it a crack. "Oh. My. God. Sephiroth! Wh-what are you doing here?! I thought you… Well, I don't know what happened to you, actually. You look well… You're not here to kill me, are you?"

Levei removes her Sephiroth mask. "That was pitiful."

"Good, it's not another Ryiah," Valentine says from the living room.

Levei walks in and joins him. "If I was Sephiroth, I would have killed you. Probably not Valentine, though."

Valentine takes out a Greek yogurt. "Are you here to take her away?"

"That depends on if you wanted to maintain those braids."

He lifts up his hand and feels his hair, sighing at the large braids Ryiah made. "When did she…?"

"I think they give him character," Ryiah says, admiring her handiwork.

"I have enough character."

Ryiah sighs. "Now that Levei's here, you don't like me anymore. Levei, we really were getting along. He was like my best friend! And now he's acting all cool," Ryiah assures her, crossing her arms. "No one will ever believe me."

"There is nothing to believe," Valentine says.

"I'm taught to expect the unexpected, so I don't think anything will surprise me anymore," Levei says, sitting down on a chair. "So have you been over here trying to sort out your feelings?"

Ryiah sighs. "Valentine won't let me have both."

"It would make her sick," Valentine says with a nod. "I was only looking out for her."

"I could handle it! It's no big deal. It's not like I haven't done it plenty of times before. I'm a grown woman, I can handle two at once!"

"Maybe _you_ could handle two at once, but I don't think they want to share…" Levei points out.

"No one will win if everyone stays involved," Valentine adds.

"Make a pros and cons list," Levei continues. "Or just follow your heart. I know it's deep down there...very deep down."

"Well, the cake is very chocolatey, and as a woman I need chocolate," Ryiah considers. "It was also baked by Vincey, so you know it's made with love and tears."

"No tears...no love, either," Valentine interjects.

"But it is a lot of cake to eat," Ryiah continues without skipping a beat. "And it'll probably go straight to my thighs. The gummi bears are so cute, and there are so many flavors, but there aren't that many of them, and they don't have chocolate… How am I ever going to choose?!"

"...I should have been more specific about the pros and cons list…" Levei realizes.

"It wouldn't have worked either way," Valentine admits.

"Well, if you don't make a decision soon, they'll make it for you. Or they'll kill each other."

"Huh, I'd like to see that," Ryiah says. "I always assumed gummi bears were non-violent. Although I guess they are bears…"

Valentine facepalms.

"Maybe you can flip a coin, and then when it gives you an answer, you can see if that's the one you really wanted," Levei suggests. "I hear it makes your true feelings come out. Hand her a coin, Valentine."

"I don't have pockets in these," Valentine says, pointing to his pants.

"I'll just take the gummi bears," Ryiah says, shoving a bag of gummi bears in her pocket. "I know you guys felt strongly on the issue, but maybe we should focus on Cloud and Reno instead of cake and gummi bears. Who would you choose, Levei?"

Levei pauses a moment, realizing Ryiah had been playing them into the last conversation. "Uh...I'm probably not the best person to ask. I'm biased, since I just met one of them, and know the other very well…"

"Valentine?" Ryiah turns to him.

"Cloud is an old friend...but Reno is a Turk. I hate the Turks, they ruined my life. I used to be tan and...attractive."

"Ah, Vincey, you're still attractive!" Ryiah gushes.

"Pick Cloud," Valentine says before suddenly frowning. "What am I saying? I wouldn't wish you on anyone! Pick the Turk."

"I'm confused now…"

"You can't ask us which we'd pick," Levei says. "Clearly Valentine and I like Cloud more. That could be what you wanted to hear, or it could sway you if you wanted Reno."

"We have to save Cloud, Levei," Valentine persists.

"Cloud wants Ryiah," Levei continues. "We can't stop him. He's all grown up now."

"You both make a good point," Ryiah says thoughtfully. "If you two want Cloud, given your history of dating...I should probably do the opposite of your advice."

"Our history?" Valentine repeats.

"Do I really have to lay this out?" Ryiah says with a sigh. "For one, Vincey, you fell in love with a scientist… A _scientist_. Lame. Then, even with my many attempts, you rejected me. Who _does_ that?" She quickly turns to Levei. "And you! You fell for Zack. My goodness, what a dork."

"Guilty as charged," Levei admits with no hint of emotion.

Valentine silently stares at Ryiah.

"So then you'd better get out there and make your decision based on what _you_ want, not what we tell you to do, however good our advice is."

"But I want both of them…" Ryiah whines. "I mean, Reno is attractive and confident, and he understands my lifestyle. But then Cloud...he's like a stray puppy that I can mold and shape into the perfect dog."

"With an argument like that…" Valentine says, his voice thick with sarcasm.

"I can't go back yet! I can't decide!"

"When you put it like that, Reno is the clear winner…" Levei says.

"Cloud is much better," Valentine counters.

"For Ryiah or in general?"

"..."

Levei pauses for a moment to think. "Is there anything that would help you make your decision? Any tests they can perform, some place we can go to help clear your mind? Anything that might help?"

"That sounds like a setup for trouble," Valentine notes.

"Most of our group is a set up for trouble."

"You have a point."

"A...competition…" Ryiah thinks this over. "That's an interesting thought. Oh! Oh! I know."

Valentine prepares to flinch.

"A dating game! Like those old ones where I'm behind a screen and I ask them questions, and they answer and then I pick the one who answered the best. But we need more than two contestants to mix it up. But what guys do we know?" Ryiah taps her chin before grinning at Valentine. "There's Zack, too. Four is perfect."

"What about Rude?" Valentine suggests.

"Five! Even better!"

"I meant in place of me…"

"Let's go find them! I can't wait!"

Valentine looks at Levei as Ryiah runs out of the apartment.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to help Cloud," Levei admits.

"I don't know if this will help."

"I'm out of ideas. If you had any, you should have pitched them."

"Well, now Zack will be dragged into this."

Levei shrugs. "I'm sure he'll like the attention. I'm not afraid of losing him to Ryiah of all people. I am, however…" She stops and puts a hand on his shoulder, looking deeply into his eyes. "Afraid of losing you to her."

Valentine stares back at her with no expression.

Levei takes her hand off his shoulder. "I crack myself up," she says in a monotone voice, walking out the door.

Valentine begrudgingly follows.

* * *

Sitting in the helicopter at HQ, the men hesitate to get out, still recuperating after their near-drowning experience.

"Is this mission over yet?" Cloud asks.

"I can end it for you," Reno says, pulling out his taser.

"I don't know if I should be listening to my best men slacking off," Tseng says.

"We're not slacking, uncle," Tsiang protests. "We're doing our very best." He fist pumps.

"And failing," Tseng shoots back. Don't fist pump, Tsiang, you're supposed to be learning from the Turk, not the Hero." He eyes Zack.

"I'm teaching him everything I know," Ryiah says, as she wraps her arms around Tseng's waist from behind. "Tseng, baby."

Tseng flinches at the realization she appeared. "Ryiah, how nice of you to join us."

"I wasn't abandoning your nephew, the twirp. I was...sorting out my romantic feelings."

"Turks don't take personal time, Ryiah," Tseng replies.

"Oh don't worry, I was still on the clock."

"Ryiah!" Zack exclaims. "How did you find us anyway? You last left us at your house…"

"My Zack Fair radar, duh," she replies, showing him an app on her phone. "All the fangirls have one."

"...I feel violated."

"But you were the one who signed off on it," Levei points out as she walks up with Valentine. "Didn't you read the contract?"

"Contract?" Zack repeats. "I don't know what you're talking about! I didn't read any contract!"

"You sign stuff you didn't read? That's not a good habit."

"I think I've completed the mission, Levei!" Tsiang says, jumping up and waiting.

"Then why don't I hear the victory music playing?"

Tsiang turns to Tsiang with a sad expression. "Uncle?"

"No."

"So where were you guys?" Zack asks.

"Like Ryiah said, we were sorting out her feelings. She has a lot of them, so it's a 3-person job," Levei explains.

"I was not a part of it," Valentine protests.

"See, what'd I tell you?" Ryiah says with a sigh. "No one will ever believe we were best friends…"

Valentine closes his eyes.

"So…" Reno takes Ryiah's hand. "Did you decide?"

"I've decided I'm going to choose…" She looks into Reno's eyes.

Cloud scowls. "I knew it."

"...To host a game show!" Ryiah exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Wow, Cloud, how'd you know that?" Tsiang asks excitedly.

"Wait...what?"

"A game show?" Zack repeats. "That's pretty cool, can I be a part of it?"

"Be careful what you wish for, Zack," Levei warns.

Zack grins back at her unsuspecting.

"What game show, yo?" Reno asks.

"A dating game show," Ryiah explains. "So I can decide who I want to pick! You're all going to be on it! Except Levei and Tsiang, of course. Only men." She crosses her arms.

"What? So now I have to compete against everyone?" Reno says. "Meh, I'll still win, yo."

"I'm a man…right, uncle?" Tsiang turns to Tseng, who has disappeared. "Aw man…"

Levei puts a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, kid. You don't want to be a part of this, anyway."

"Wait, why am I involved?" Zack asks.

"You asked to be a part of it," Levei points out.

"But I didn't know the rules!"

"This is why you read through the contract before signing it, Zack. They should incorporate that into Shinra's training."

"I don't know if I want to be a part of it," Cloud says.

"Scared you're going to lose?" Reno asks in a mocking tone.

"No, I'm scared I'm going to make you cry."

"Those are big words, little man."

"Out of the two of you, I'm pretty sure Cloud's bigger," Levei points out. The two turn to her, and she quickly adds, "I meant muscle-wise...don't look at me like that."

"But I'm the biggest, right Levei?" Zack asks. "...Levei?"

Ryiah taps her chin thoughtfully. "This is going to be a tough choice, I can already tell. I need my ladies to help come up with the questions," she says, pulling Tsiang and Levei into a huddle.

"Wait!" Tsiang protests. "I'm no lady!"

"I only have one lady… Cloud used to be one of us, but...alas, he has grown some man parts." Ryiah wipes away a tear dramatically.

"It's what happens," Levei says. "Little boys grow up."

"When did Cloud grow up?" Tsiang asks. "How long did it take?"

"A few years and a lot of torture. Mostly Turk lessons," Levei tells him.

"Turk lessons? I've had those. They aren't fun…"

"Well, just keep doing them, and you'll turn into Cloud. Although I would try and be less angsty. It turns off the ladies," Levei says, glancing at Ryiah. "Well, most ladies."

"You guys just wait, I'll become a real man some day."

"But for today, you'll be one of Ryiah's ladies-in-waiting."

Tsiang sobs.

* * *

At a coffee shop far, far away… Except it's really just down the street within walking distance of the Turk HQ… Tseng sips a very small cappuccino. "Why am I here?" he wonders aloud.

"Because you love me, Tseng baby," Ryiah replies matter-of-factly. "And you get to do the costume design and make up for my game show. You're also nominated for the host."

"No."

Ryiah stares at him longingly.

Tsiang, who sits across the table, turns to Levei who sits next to him. "She even has uncle whipped. What _is_ she?"

"So imagine this: There's a big screen with one chair on the other side. This chair is really a throne for me, of course." Ryiah waves her hand in the air. "On the other side of the screen are the boys: contestant number 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. I can't see them, and they can't see me. So it's a total surprise when I pick them and they realize they get to be with this amazing woman."

"I'm pretty sure they know who you are," Tsiang points out. "And I'm pretty sure you're going to recognize them by their voices."

"Not if I wear ear plugs! ...wait, never mind. Anyway! Quit interrupting, Tsiang." She narrows her eyes at him.

"I thought that's why I was here… Who is going to see this 'game show', anyway?"

"I have some connections from when I was a reality star with Sephiroth. It's going to be filmed and aired on all the national broadcast stations."

"Do the guys know this…?" Tsiang asks, flinching.

Ryiah shrugs. "They'll find out eventually."

"You should know by now that telling everyone what her plan is isn't Ryiah's style," Levei says casually, drinking her coffee.

"I'll keep hoping…" Tsiang mutters.

"Tseng, will you be staying to make sure she doesn't kill anyone?"

"No, I have work to do," Tseng replies.

"Can I help with your work, uncle?" Tsiang asks. "I don't have anything to do."

"I can stay for a little while," Tseng immediately changes his mind.

"Kill anyone? Kill anyone?!" Ryiah exclaims. "I have never harmed a fly, let alone a studio audience!"

"Even when your mission is to assassinate and dispose of?" Tseng clarifies.

"As I said, I would never kill anyone… allegedly." She adds a wink at Tseng, who sips his cappuccino.

"Will I get cool missions like that, too?" Tsiang asks.

Tseng turns abruptly to his nephew. "Killing is never 'cool', Tsiang."

"I don't like this edgy side of you, Tseng," Ryiah says. "You're my warm and compassionate superior. This is what Tsiang does to you, isn't it? That's why you sent him away with me?"

"No."

"Tsiang, go buy some decorations. I need heart shaped confetti and champagne for the winner, and some tar and feathers for the losers."

"I don't think you're supposed to tar and feather the losers on a dating game show…" Levei points out.

"I'm sure they deserve it, anyway, for not doing their jobs," Tseng counters.

"You have a point. What do you need me for, Ryiah? Or can I just leave?"

"Seeing as you're the only other girl here…" Ryiah says. "I need you to help me come up with sexist, objectifying questions! The more inappropriate, the better. Like 'what is your shoe size', or 'how much money do you make in a year in terms of how nice a car could you buy me?'."

"Why not ask better infiltration questions," Tseng suggests. "Put your Turk skills to good use."

"Like 'If I have three bodies, would you help me dispose of them and how?' You can learn a lot about a person that way," Tsiang chimes in.

"It looks like he has learned a thing or two…" Tseng smiles down at Tsiang proudly.

Levei takes a quick picture of Tseng's smiling face, which immediately goes stone cold.

"Just in case I need a favor later…" Levei says, turning to Ryiah. "I like Tsiang's idea. You should come up with scenarios and ask them how they would react. It'd be interesting, if nothing else."

"Scenarios are boring," Ryiah whines. "I want juicy questions…for the viewers, of course." She crosses her arms.

* * *

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm excited," Zack says with a fist pump. He and his fellow contestants stand behind the stage, waiting to be told what to do. "Game shows are fun!"

Cloud stares blankly into space in response, possibly mentally preparing himself. Reno, on the other hand looks annoyed.

Rude polishes a pair of sunglasses, oblivious to what everyone else is doing.

"I have a habit of breaking cameras," Valentine says, breaking the awkward pause.

"Because you're so pale?" Zack guesses with a nod. "I can see that."

Valentine's blank expression changes to an offended one. "With Cerberus," he clarifies, pulling out his gun.

Everyone ducks.


	23. I'm Not the Father

**Chapter Twenty-Three: I'm Not the Father**

"Don't be nervous, Ryiah," Levei comforts; she stands with Ryiah, Tsiang, and Tseng in another part of the backstage area. "I know you usually get pretty nervous."

"But Ryiah never gets nervous," Tsiang points out.

"It was a joke,' Levei replies, looking completely serious.

"I am a little nervous…" Ryiah admits. "I mean, this will determine who I spend the rest of my life with. It's a pretty big deal. Do I look okay? ...what am I saying? Of course I do!"

And with that, she walks proudly on stage in the middle of the host's explanation of the show.

"-And our lovely Ryiah will ask a series of questions to our contestants," the host says. "Formulating a decision on who...she wants to be with. At the end of our final round, the contestants will each get to ask Ryiah one question after which she will choose one of the anonymous contestants. Now, for the guest of honor...Ryiah!"

The spotlight trains on Ryiah, who sits in a chair on one side of the wall; the other side sits the contestants.

"Ryiah is a young Turk agent at the ripe age of 19-" the host continues.

The guys all look at each other and mouth, "19? Are you kidding me? There's no way. She's gotta be at least 30…"

"-she enjoys long naps on the beach, avoiding missions, and listening to middle eastern folk music."

The guys exchange looks again.

"Now let's begin!"

Levei sits in the front row of the audience next to Tsiang, clapping with everyone.

"Ryiah's only 19?" Tsiang asks. "And she likes Middle Eastern folk music?"

"Never believe everything you hear," Levei warns. "I'm pretty sure that's a Turk Lesson. I just don't know the number. I try not to remember pointless things."

Sitting in his chair, Zack does a wink-and-gun move to the audience. He eyes Levei and blows her a kiss. Another girl in the audience tries to push Levei out of the way to get the kiss, but is easily shoved over by Levei, who barely pays her any mind. Tsiang looks at the girl, who scrambles to her feet and runs off.

"Being with a Hero is hard work, huh?" Tsiang asks.

Levei shrugs nonchalantly. "First lesson to dating a Hero: Always carry a weapon," she instructs, motioning to her gunblade in the holster.

"...always?"

"Always."

Tsiang makes a little note in his notebook.

"Are you planning on dating a Hero?" Levei asks with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not that...I, uh, just want to learn."

"Hey, I'm not here to judge."

"No...really…" he pleads.

Back on stage, Ryiah stares out into the audience like a deer in headlights.

"And now for our first question…" the host prompts.

"Uh...I… Contestants… what is your favorite … thing about me?" Ryiah manages to ask.

"That's a great question, Ryiah," the first contestant, Zack Fair, says with a shining smile at the audience. "I would probably have to say your loyalty to your friends!" He fist pumps, forgetting she can't see him.

"O-oh…that must be Rude," Ryiah mutters to herself. "We're best friends."

"That's a hard question," the second contestant, Cloud Strife, says. "I guess if I really think hard… My favorite quality is the compassion you try and hide."

"Ooh"s and "Aww"s spread through the audience.

"That's an easy one!" the third contestant, Reno, eagerly answers. "These suckers are too sappy. It'd have to be dat tight ass and your killer-smile!"

"Thanks...Contestant Three," Ryiah says, adding under her breath, "Valentine, what a horn dog. And how about you, Contestant Four?"

"Your hair is very red," Contestant four, none other than Vincent Valentine, simply states.

"That's so sweet," Ryiah gushes.

"Ryiah," Contestant Five, Rude, begins. "My favorite quality is your witty sense of humor. Your sly personality. The way you can turn any situation into a game, no matter how tragic."

"And thank you, Contestant Five. Way to turn on the charm," Ryiah says, fanning herself. "For my next question…" She pauses and reads a message she had received from Levei. "What would be your ideal date?"

"Hm…" Zack contemplates. "Probably a fun adventure out. Maybe after we get back, we have a nice candlelit dinner, and then I walk you home, and then go home myself, because I'm a gentleman."

Ryiah yawns. "Contestant Two?"

"Sitting in all day and watching Netflix," Cloud answers. "Or whatever else you want to do."

"You know what I'd want to do," Reno says, winking even though Ryiah can't see it.

"I'm not a mind reader Contestant Three."

"Play hide and seek," Valentine answers. "But make sure you never find me."

"I would take you on an adventurous helicopter ride," Rude answers. "My own, in fact. And show you the city from a different view. While we're up there, I would shower you with gifts and the finest foods and drinks. Then I would take us to a private room at the best hotel and listen to whatever was on your mind."

"Wow, contestant five, you really know how to spoil a lady," Ryiah says. "My next question is for contestant four."

"Why me…" Valentine groans, covering his eyes.

"If you had to choose between staying in bed all day - with me, of course; going out on separate missions and spending weeks apart; or jumping off a building to an early fatality, which would you choose?"

"Why would she list suicide as an option?!" Tsiang exclaims from the audience.

"Contestant four?" Ryiah persists, not immediately receiving an answer.

"If it has to be one of those three...I am very good at sleeping. I don't necessarily enjoy missions, but I do what I must. And technically I am immortal, so jumping off a building wouldn't harm me…" Valentine pauses thoughtfully. "Bed. I would choose bed. If I'm dead to the world for a full day, it can't be that bad."

"Good answer!"

The audience claps.

Levei shakes her head. "I hope someone's filming this."

Tsiang turns to her while still holding up his phone. "Don't worry, I always film everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything." He stares at her for a moment, then looks back at the stage.

"Alright, contestants," Ryiah continues. "Do your names make any interesting anagrams?"

"Crusted foil…" Cloud says hesitantly. "No, no. Wait, curse it fold."

"That is...interesting. Anyone else?"

"Ancient Velvet Inn," Valentine says with a nod.

"Mine is: hairy," Ryiah offers.

The audience claps.

"Next question!" she suddenly declares, not waiting for any other answers. "Who sent the last text you received?"

Zack checks his phone. "Uh, you."

"You…" Cloud mutters.

"You, yo," Reno says.

"I don't have a phone, but if I did, it'd be you," Valentine says.

"You," Rude finishes.

Levei facepalms.

"Okay, let's wrap this up," Ryiah says. "Why should I choose you?"

"Well, I already sort of have a girlfriend…" Zack says. "But I will be a loyal friend to you forever!"

"Because I am what's best for you," Cloud follows up. "I can protect you, but give you space and fulfill your needs, and-"

"Our chemistry, yo," Reno interrupts. "I know what you like and you know what I like, and I'm ready to settle down and make the commitment."

"Hey, I wasn't finished!" Cloud exclaims.

"No one cares, man."

Ryiah frowns as she hears crashing coming from the other side of the screen as Cloud and Reno start fighting.

"A-and contestant four?" she asks.

"You shouldn't choose me. Please do not choose me," Valentine states.

"You should choose me, Ryiah, because I will treat you like a lady, like the queen that you are," Reno starts. "I will spoil you to no end, and take you on long romantic vacations under the guise of a mission. We will travel the world from hotel bed to hotel bed all the while messing with the heads of our friends."

"I...I think my heart just stopped."

"Before Ryiah makes the final decision," the host suddenly interrupts. "Let's open it up to our contestants to ask her one question."

"What's your favorite color?" Zack asks.

The audience suddenly grows silent.

"Red. Next question."

"Could you see yourself tied down to one man, even if that man wasn't a hero, but had all the potential that a hero has?" Cloud asks. "Could you see yourself on the back of his motorcycle, using your Turk skill set to clean up after his rogue missions? Could you see yourself choosing me?"

"That's more than one question," Ryiah responds. "Disqualified. Next!"

"Do you remember a day many years ago that you were at the Bone Village, collecting remains, and the man you were with picked up that collarbone and forged it into a necklace with materia for you?" Reno asks.

"Of course I remember…" She reaches down and touches the necklace she's still wearing. "Plus one million health, and plus five thousand fire for our burning passion and long life together… Next!"

"Why am I here?" Valentine asks.

"To get the chance at a lifetime of happiness, of course!" Ryiah exuberantly responds. "Okay, contestant five, make this good."

"Will you marry me?" Rude asks.

"Yes! Oh my gosh, yes! I will marry you!"

The audience cheers.

"Alright, settle down," the host tries to control the audience. "It's time for Ryiah to make her decision."

Zack frowns. "But she just agreed to marry-"

"I choose contestant four!" Ryiah cries out.

The screen separating them drops and Ryiah looks to find Valentine as her choice.

"Vincent! No way! I had no idea it was you! You charmer!" She runs over to him, and wraps her arms around him. He immediately tenses from her touch. "We're going to be so happy together! Don't worry, I'm married so you don't have to worry about supporting me financially. Just sexually."

"That would be reason to worry," Valentine responds.

The audience claps.

"I definitely saw that coming," Levei states.

"Really?" Tsiang says. "I thought she'd choose Rude. I didn't realize he was such a romantic."

"I think that's the _only_ thing I learned from this whole thing."

Zack claps with the audience. "Well, that was fun. But I don't think we solved the problem…"

"This isn't how it was supposed to go," Cloud says in anger.

"Yeah, I was supposed to win, yo," Reno adds, then turns to Valentine. "Who do you think you are, man?"

"Believe me, I didn't win."

"You all still have a shot at winning, actually," Ryiah cuts in. "I'm going to reevaluation after the home viewers nominate their favorite."

"At home...viewers?" Cloud repeats.

"Yeah, this is being aired tomorrow night!"

"I didn't agree to this," Valentine says.

"Actually you all signed the waiver," Ryiah counters.

"I don't think I did…" Zack says thoughtfully.

"Sure, I sent you all a text saying 'Don't respond as proof of you consenting to being broadcasted on public television.' And none of you responded!"

Cloud facepalms.

Levei walks up to the group with Tsiang in tow.

"I'm pretty sure that's legally binding," she comments.

"Hey Levei!" Zack greets. "Did you see me? I was on TV!" He grins proudly.

"I saw you admit that you have a 'girlfriend'," she replies, raising an eyebrow.

Zack scratches the back of his head. "Yeah, I hope you don't mind…"

"_I_ don't mind, but I'm sure those fangirls will…"

"Does that mean…" He pulls out his phone and looks at his fanpage. "Yes! I'm back on there! Too bad Valentine!"

Valentine stares blankly at him, clearly not upset by this news.

"So, uh…" Cloud looks at Ryiah. "Did you really decide? Or was this just a ploy to stall?"

Ryiah sighs. "I really did choose Valentine, but sadly he didn't choose me."

"In other words, this _was_ just a ploy!" Reno exclaims excitedly. "I still have a shot!"

"I suppose you do, but I'm still marrying Rude." She holds up her ring finger to reveal a huge diamond ring.

"Where did that come from?!" Reno exclaims.

"Your mother gave it to me," Rude explains. "Right after she proposed."

"You...my mother _proposed_ to _you_?!"

"She said I was the best man she'd ever met. The only one to satisfy _all_ her needs."

Reno punches him in the face, breaking his sunglasses.

Rude coolly pulls out another pair from his pocket, completely unfazed. "I was only kidding."

"That escalated quickly…" Levei mutters.

"It's a little fast to be talking about marriage, don't you think, guys?" Zack says. "Maybe date a little, see where it goes…"

"It's obviously a joke, Zack."

"Yeah, I'm just...I don't know. I feel like someone has to step up and be the dad of the group, watch out for everyone, make sure everyone's on the right path, you know?"

"I think you elected yourself to that position. Because if we were to vote, it'd probably be Valentine."

"I'm not the father," Valentine replies.

"That's not what the lie detector said."

Levei hands him a piece of paper that reads 'You ARE the father'.

"Lies and slander," Valentine replies in a monotone voice.

"We'll save that for the third installment of this story," Ryiah says, coughing the words "Valentine's illegitimate son" after.

"There will be no third installment," Valentine states. "I will not allow it."

"Notice how he didn't deny the existence of his son," Ryiah points out.

"I'm leaving. Don't ever come find me again."

"But who will bring order to the group without you, Valentine?" Levei asks.

"That isn't my concern."

"You're part of the team now," Zack says. "You're our friend!"

Valentine turns to Cloud. "I blame you for this."

"Me? I've tried to save you, Vincent," Cloud protests.

Valentine slowly shakes his head. "I've tried to save _you_."

"We both have," Levei adds. "But Ryiah is still here, so we've failed. Where do we go from here?"

Reno checks his watch. "I think it's about time to go to dinner."

Rude adjusts his sunglasses. "I've made reservations."

"An engagement party?" Ryiah cooes. "What a great idea!" She takes Rude's arm.

"You're going too far with this, Ryiah," Reno says.

"It won't be too far until we're buried next to each other," she replies, smiling up at Rude.

"That can be arranged," Valentine says.

"I'm always around to help," Levei offers.

"Do they serve alcohol there?" Cloud asks Rude.

He nods in response.

"Good." He follows Ryiah and Rude outside.

"Hey, wait for me! You're my ride, Rude!" Reno exclaims, running after them.

Levei looks at Valentine and Zack, the only other two left. "Do you think if we just left they would notice?"

"Probably," Tsiang replies.

Levei jumps and looks over at him. "I forgot you were here."

Tsiang looks at his feet sadly, and Levei punches him in the arm. "That's a compliment to your Turk skills, sneaking up on me like that. Nice work."

His sad face suddenly perks up. "Oh, thanks. I've been practicing."


	24. Lobsters 24 7, Big or Small

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Lobsters 24/7, Big or Small**

At the restaurant, Ryiah sits between Reno and Rude, settling herself before admiring the decor.

"This is a nice place," she compliments. "It's been a while since I went somewhere I didn't feel overdressed in my suit."

"Tell me about it, yo," Reno agrees, adjusting his sloppy collar.

"Although somehow you've always managed to make a suit look casual," she replies with a laugh.

The waiter walks over and holds up a bottle. "Can I interest you three in a bottle of our finest Cabernet Sauvignon?"

"We're waiting for the rest of our party, I think..." Ryiah informs him before looking around. "I thought they were right behind us. I guess maybe it's just us?"

At that moment, Tsiang rushes over to the table, out of breath. "Sorry...I'm...late...traffic…"

"Hey little Tseng, caome over and sit next to Rude," Reno sys.

Tsiang looks at Rude. Rude adjusts his sunglasses as he looks at Tsiang.

"Oh...kay." He slowly sits down. "Go ahead and continue your conversation, I won't be a bother."

"Where is everyone else?" Ryiah asks him, rubbing her forehead. "Don't tell me you lost them! You had _one_ job!"

"I...I…"

"It's okay, Ryiah, it'd be nice to have some Turk time," Reno assures her. "We can finally let down our defenses and stop having to censor every conversation we have."

Rude takes off his sunglasses, and puts on a new, identical pair. "It feels good to have my normal sunglasses on, instead of the disguise ones."

"Do we normally have to censor stuff from SOLDIER…?" Tsiang asks. "I would think since we're the classier group, they'd have to censor themselves from us…"

"We know more than they do, yo," Reno replies. "SOLDIER doesn't know anything. But we're all friends here. No rivalries. Not that they pose much of a challenge." He sheepishly grins at Ryiah.

Rude hands Tsiang a menu. "Reno said he's treating us."

"What?!" Reno exclaims. "I thought you said you were treating Ryiah!"

"You're right. I'll take care of Ryiah's bill. You can take care of Tsiang's."

"No way, man, I'll take care of Ryiah's bill."

While they argue, Ryiah stares at Tsiang expectantly.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Tsiang asks.

"I'm reading your mind. Tsiang said he'll pay for _everyone_! There, it's settled."

"That's generous of you Tsiang buddy!" Reno says. "But I'd like to pay for Ryiah. You can still pay for me, though."

"Thank you, Tsiang," Rude says with a nod.

"But...I don't have any money… I'm still in training and they don't pay me for it," Tsiang says, feeling his pockets. "Wait a minute...my wallet! I gave it all to the taxi driver when we started our first mission. I have nothing to my name…"

"Then I guess...I'll pay for you and Ryiah," Reno offers. "Because I'm such a nice guy."

He stretches his arms up and then puts one around Ryiah, smiling at her.

"You should work on getting promoted so you get paid," Rude suggests to Tsiang, who sobs.

"I know…"

"I want the lobster, but I can't find it on the menu," Ryiah says.

"This is an italian restaurant, they don't have lobster," Rude points out.

"No lobster? Don't worry, baby, I've got you," Reno says, quickly getting up and leaving.

"...Now that we're finally alone," Ryiah says to Rude with a smile. "We can discuss our future plans. How do we want this engagement to go down? I don't think Reno really believes it yet."

"Maybe we should get married," Rude suggests.

"That's the joke, Rude, but that doesn't answer my question."

"_Really_ get married," Rude persists. "Reno would hate that."

"From what I've seen of Reno, I'm pretty sure he _would_ hate that…" Tsiang agrees, then quickly frowns. "Wait, _really_ get married?!"

Ignoring Tsiang, Rude stares intently at Ryiah. "If we're serious about this, we have to go all the way."

"I don't know, Rude…" Ryiah says, unsure. "I mean, think of all the paperwork we'd have to do when the prank is over. Is it worth it?"

"Maybe it would never be over…"

"Oh, Rude." Ryiah slaps him on the wrist. "You can't tease me. I know your game too well! You dork."

Rude chuckles slightly with her. "I was making sure you were on your game. We're going to need to be at our best for this."

"Where did Reno go, anyway?" Tsiang suddenly asks. "Where is he going to find lobster at this hour…?"

"There's a Lobster Mart right down the street," Ryiah explains. "Lobsters 24/7, big or small."

"Is that...real? Why would someone need a lobster 24/7?"

"Reno needed one, didn't he?" Ryiah crosses her arms. "In fact, now that I think about it, the Lobster Mart would suit you perfectly. You should inquire about employment, Tsiang. I think you could really go far in the lobster business."

"But...I have a job. Kind of."

"You can't know until you try it," Rude encourages.

"But I haven't even ordered yet…"

"Perfect, you won't be wasting anything," Ryiah says, shooing him with her hands. "Get going."

"I'm going to find Levei. She'll be nice to me," Tsiang says, leaving the restaurant.

Soon after, Reno comes back in, carrying a lobster. "Wow, that Lobster Mart, yo. It's amazing. Hey, Tsiang should work there. He'd be perfect!" He waves over a waiter and hands him the lobster. "Cook this for my lady."

"Yes, sir. Anything for you, sir." The waiter leaves with the lobster and the rest of their orders.

"She is my lady, actually," Rude says, pointing to her ring.

"Ryiah and Rude, forever," Ryiah adds.

"Not cool, yo," Reno says. "Stop joking."

"Oh it's not a joke," Ryiah replies. "I was reading off my new tattoo."

She lifts the bottom of her pants leg to reveal a tattoo on her ankle.

"What?! When did you get that?! You've only been engaged for an hour, man."

Ryiah shrugs. "We found time."

"'We'?" Reno repeats.

Rude exposes his ankle to reveal a matching tattoo.

"This is too much, yo. I can't believe you would do this to me! Both of you! ...but especially you, Rude. I thought we were partners."

"I have two partners," Rude says. "Work and play."

He gestures toward Ryiah.

* * *

At a large, executive suite hotel room, Levei sits at a table with Valentine, Zack, and Cloud. The trio hold cards in their hands and exchange suspicious glances.

"You feel lucky, punk?" Levei asks Zack.

"Oh yeah," Zack says with a wink.

"Then put your cards where we can see 'em."

"Oh...cards...yeah...uhh…" He looks back to his hand. "Actually no…"

There is a knock at the door.

"This better not be a trap because someone is down," Levei says, looking at Cloud pointedly.

He smirks at her as she goes to answer it. She opens the door and is greeted by Tsiang.

"Oh, hey kid. You're just in time," Levei says, letting him in. "I needed someone to count cards for me."

Zack leans back and looks at the door. "How did you find us?"

"I'm a Turk," Tsiang replies proudly; when he sees Zack's unamused face, he holds up his phone. "I used the Zack Finder app…"

"So violated…"

Levei shuts the door and rejoins the table, Tsiang following close behind.

"Why are you guys here?" he asks.

"We went to Ryiah's house first to look for the disc," Valentine starts.

"...and? Did you find it?"

"We found that boyfriend she was talking about…" Zack adds.

"What?!"

"We decided it'd probably be safer to just get a hotel to stay at," Levei finishes.

Tsiang takes a moment to look around the room. "It's a pretty nice room. I don't think I've ever been in such a fancy place."

Zack cups one hand over his mouth and whispers loudly, "Levei's rich."

"It's true, someone has to pay for these men's expensive lifestyles," Levei admits, pointing at Zack and Cloud.

"...my motorcycle needs a lot of repairs," Cloud explains with an averted gaze.

"And I want to try to upgrade his lifestyle, but he's so humble," Levei says, pointing to Valentine.

"I like things simple," Valentine says.

* * *

"So after dinner, we're going to catch a plane to the gambling district," Ryiah says. "You coming, Reno?"

"Gambling district?" Reno repeats. "Hell yeah! Why are you going to the gambling- oh. Because of all the same night wedding chapels there. I see where you're going with this, yo."

"I cannot wait any longer," Rude admits.

"I'll go, man. I'll go and when they ask if there's any objections, I'll run up and grab Ryiah like this!" He picks Ryiah up bridal style. "And I'll carry her off into the sunset! Because we're meant to be."

He looks into her eyes as he holds her. People at nearby tables turn to stare.

"Reno…"

"What am I waiting for?" Reno suddenly takes off out of the restaurant, carrying Ryiah.

"It appears my fiance was kidnapped," Rude says; he shrugs and continues eating.

* * *

"So what's new with the Turks?" Zack asks Tsiang, pausing for a moment. "That sounds like a television show…"

"Um, Rude and Ryiah plan on getting married," Tsiang reports.

"Wait, what?"

"But they're just kidding around to make Reno jealous. I don't know what they're doing now…"

"Who cares?" Cloud asks, not looking up from his cards.

"My sentiments exactly," Levei agrees. "It mattered when it was a mission. Now it's just an annoying side quest."

"I don't know, it kind of became the center of what we're doing," Zack points out. "Maybe we should put more...something into it?"

"What, like effort? I don't think we're really part of it."

"But...friendship…"

Levei shrugs.

"You don't have to worry about me, Zack," Cloud says. "I'll get over it."

"But...but…"

"Let Cloud make the mistake of choosing the beez," Levei adds. "It's what the writers always wanted."

"What writers?" Zack exclaims. "This isn't some story! It's Cloud's _life_ we're talking about!"

"And I'll deal with it. It was just a fruitless venture in the first place. I let old feelings carry on for longer than I should have. It's fine."

"I think he's really saying you and him were meant to be, Zack," Levei says. "Go ahead and kiss already."

"Me with Cloud? No! I'm with you!"

"I'm with Valentine…"

"I have a full house," Valentine cuts in, laying down his cards.

"He doesn't deny it," Levei points out.

"Wait, I thought we were playing twenty-one," Cloud says.

"No, we were playing Go Fish," Zack whines.

"We were playing Yahtzee," Levei says. "Why did you two think we had dice here?"

"I guess starting a card game with 'we all know what to play' leaves a lot of room for mistakes…" Zack says.


	25. Somehow She Always Finds Us

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Somehow She Always Finds Us**

Bouncing up and down as Reno carries her down the street, Ryiah tries to keep her cool.

"Reno, where are we going?" she demands. "This is the least productive mode of transportation imaginable, especially since you have 24/7 helicopter access!"

"Just...getting away, yo. You're right, though. A helicopter would have been better…" Reno responds, completely out of breath; he sets her down and they look at each other. "Ryiah...we need to talk."

"Sure we do, Reno."

"I've played your little games, yo. I've stuck through them because I _care_ about you. Where is that blond kid now, huh? Ryiah, let's give it another shot. What is there to lose? We know we can live without each other. We've done it in the past. So if we fail again, it's no big deal, am I right?"

"That is horrible logic, but it's just what I needed to hear...I think."

"So what does that mean? You'll do it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I will give us another shot-"

Reno lunges for a hug, but she puts up a hand to stop him.

"-But it's time limited. You've got two weeks to show me that it _would_ hurt to lose you again and that we truly are ready to be together."

Reno nods. "Alright, yo. I can do that."

He tries again for a hug, this time with success.

* * *

"You're all a bunch of cheaters," Cloud says, angrily throwing down his cards. "There's no way I'm playing with you guys! You all owe me 10,000 gill!"

Zack looks at the cards Cloud threw down. "Cloud…"

"All the same suit is good, right?" Tsiang asks.

"All the same suit _and_ king, queen, and three jacks!" Zack exclaims.

"How does he have three jacks in the same suit?" Valentine asks.

Everyone pauses to think for a moment.

Tsiang jumps up and points at Cloud. "He's the cheater! He just didn't want to get caught!"

"Settle down, little Tsiang, it will be alright," Ryiah says. "And Cloud, I'm disappointed in you. Turk Lesson Number 433: How to cheat at Poker. Never show them your cards."

"How can you cheat if you never show them your cards?" Zack asks. "You'd never win. Besides, were we even playing Poker?"

"When did you two get here?" Cloud asks, eyeing Reno and Ryiah who have materialized in the room.

"The dinner was a bust, Ryiah and Rude broke off their engagement," Reno explains. "It was a real mess, yo."

"Technically we're still engaged…" Ryiah says quietly, earning her a glare from Reno.

"That's always good, keep him around until you're completely sure it'll work out with someone else," Levei praises with a nod. "Back ups are always a good idea."

"You don't have a back up...do you?" Zack asks.

Levei coolly sips her wine glass.

"Levei…?"

"Did you guys just leave Rude at the restaurant?" Tsiang asks.

"I'm sure he'll catch up in no time, yo," Reno says.

"So how was dinner?" Cloud asks casually.

"It was nice, even though we didn't actually eat," Ryiah reports. "Reno bought me a lobster, and Rude and I got matching tattoos! Tsiang got one, too!"

Tsiang wipes away the tears in his eyes. "They made me. Don't make me show it."

"Well now we have to see it!" Zack says.

"N-no!"

"It's a tramp stamp," Ryiah continues with a proud smile. "Of a butterfly...with Tseng's face as the head."

"I didn't think Turks allowed tattoos," Levei says.

"They don't…" Tsiang sobs.

"But we figure if it has Tseng's face on it, he'll be so flattered he won't fire Tsiang on the spot," Ryiah says.

Tsiang continues sobbing.

"So what happens now?" Cloud asks. "That game show didn't solve anything like it was supposed to, Tsiang's mission is another failure… Should we all just go our separate ways?"

Levei nods.

"But...friendship…" Zack whines.

"We can't stay together forever, Zack," Levei says. "Eventually someone has to do work. Otherwise Shinra will turn into a giant corporation of washed up heroes, and the Turks will be nothing more than a group of lazy people with too much useless training...wait a second."

"I guess so...but it doesn't have to be goodbye forever, right?"

Cloud shrugs.

"As much as I'd love to say yes," Levei says. "It doesn't seem we'll all be away from each other forever. Somehow she always finds us."

They all look at Ryiah.

"In the future, if you receive a homing pigeon, return the f-ing letter!" she exclaims with a salute.

Reno looks at his phone. "Rude is calling, babe. We'd better get going. We just got issued another chase mission."

"'Babe'?" Cloud repeats.

Reno grins at him. "Oh, did we forget to mention? Ryiah and I are officially back together."

"For two weeks," Ryiah adds.

"At least. Probably more. Probably forever, yo."

"This day just keeps getting better and better...I think a bit of solitude will do me some good," Cloud grumbles.

"What do you say, Levei? I know you're all rogue now, but…" Zack scratches the back of his head nervously. "Maybe you can assist me with my mission? I can give you a cut of my pay."

Levei crosses her arms and looks away. "I mean, I guess it can't hurt to stick around you for a bit longer. I don't have any missions right now, anyway. Unless...going with you is my secret mission."

She turns to him with a smile, which he happily returns with one of his own and a hug.

"What...about me?" Tsiang asks, holding his arms open.

"You gotta man up, Tsiang," Levei replies.

He pouts and slowly lowers his arms.

"You know what's really been bothering me?" Levei suddenly says.

"I bet I can guess…" Cloud mutters.

"We haven't seen Valentine in a while…"

"Wasn't he just here playing cards with us…?" Zack asks, looking around.

"I'll go find him," Cloud says, standing up. "Maybe we can work on being alone together. I guess this is goodbye."

He looks at Ryiah, who gives him a half-hearted smile.

"Bye Cloud-y. This was fun, catching up. I'll...I'll see you again soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, we'll see."

With that, he walks out of the hotel room.

Reno puts a possessive arm around around Ryiah's shoulders as they follow suit and walk out.

"Keep in touch, guys," Zack says, waving at them.

* * *

Some months pass, and everyone adjusts to their new schedules, away from the group they had gotten so used to being around 24/7…

Speeding on his motorcycle in the slums, Cloud glances behind to see if he's being followed. He pulls up to the edge of town overlooking a cliff and walks inside a nearby abandoned house.

"This should do for the night," he mutters to himself, setting his stuff on the floor.

Before he's able to take more than five steps inside, two Turks crash through the ceiling.

Reno points his taser at Cloud as a familiar battle music begins to play in the background. "You're under arrest, Cloud Strife!"

"I was wondering when you would show up," he replies, pulling out his sword.

"Hey Cloud, how's it going?" Rude says, walking in from the front door, holding his gun out. "Sorry about all this."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm not letting you arrest me."

"Cloud, please come with us," a female voice says from behind. "Don't put up a fight."

He turns slowly. "Ryiah…?"

She smiles at him. "I told you we'd see each other again, you dork. I was hoping I'd break into your mansion and doves would fly across your enormous pool while a waiter came over to offer me a tropical drink." She shrugs. "But this house is nice, too. You're uh, doing well for yourself…"

She watches as bats fly through the broken window, causing small pockets of dust to rise.

"This isn't my house…"

"Enough talk, put your hands up, Strife," Reno interjects.

"Don't interrupt, Reno!" Ryiah exclaims. "Gosh, you're always getting in my way. I was having a conversation! Don't be rude!"

"I wouldn't do that," Rude defends. "He wasn't acting anything like me."

"This is my mission, Ryiah," Reno says. "You shouldn't have come in the first place."

"He's my friend, I wanted to see him."

"You can see him when he's behind bars."

"No one is putting me behind bars," Cloud says.

"I wouldn't bet on that, yo."

"And he's a pretty good betting man," Rude adds.

"I always make the right calls."

"I think you're getting a little off track here," Cloud points out.

"You don't get it, huh? Well, let me explain-"

Before he's able to finish his sentence, Cloud jumps out the window.

"You shouldn't have gone on a monologue, Reno," Rude scolds.

"We'll improvise. Shoot him in the kneecaps if you have to, Rude. We're bringing him in this time, yo."

"You will not!" Ryiah exclaims. "He's my friend, you can't hurt him!"

"He's a mission, Ryiah. Don't get involved. This is why we didn't work out in the past," Reno says, pointing his taser at her. "Because you were incapable of working _with_ me. You always worked against me."

"Yeah, you're right. And that's exactly why we're not going to work out _this_ time. We're done, Reno. This was a nice shot. It lasted longer than I thought. Way longer."

"Hey! Ryiah, don't do this…"

"I have a friend to save! See ya, Rude. Text me later~!"

She jumps out the window, leaving a moment of silence for the two remaining Turks.

Rude pulls out his phone.

"Rude!"

Then he slowly puts it back into his pocket.

"Cloud, Cloud wait!" Ryiah exclaims, waving after his motorcycle. "It's just me! I left them, Cloud!"

Cloud slows down and comes to a hesitant stop. Ryiah runs up and climbs on the back of his bike.

"You left the Turks?" Cloud asks.

"Yeah...wait, not the organization, but...I left Reno, Cloud."

Cloud starts his bike and the two zip off into the sunset.

* * *

In the halls at Shinra HQ, Zack hums a pleasant tune to himself. He turns the corner and enters his room, finding Levei sitting on his bed.

"Oh, hey Levei. I was just about to call you. Where have you been?" He smiles, and leans over to kiss her cheek.

"Zack, sit down," Levei says, patting next to her on his bed.

He cautiously lowers himself. "I don't know if I like that look…"

"I got a mission…"

"Uh-huh…"

"And it's pretty far from here…"

"Oh…"

"And I turned it down."

"I understand… Wait, what?! _You _turned down a mission?"

She punches him in the arm. "Of course I did!"

"I just...I wasn't expecting it… Why?"

"For you! ...well, us. I decided to take a more permanent job around here, so we could, you know, stay together."

"Oh, that's great, Levei!"

"There are some conditions, though. First off, we need to get our own place. I'm tired of walking around trying to defend your honor all the time to these lower class soldiers. I just want to come home and relax."

"Alright, done. Anything else?"

"Our own place has to come with a tiny ranch for Junior."

"Where is that little fella, anyway?"

A tiny chocobo pops up from under a pile of clothes on the floor, and cries happily.

"Done and done."

"Alright, that's everything."

Zack fist pumps. "I couldn't be happier."

"Because fist pumping is a normal thing to do at a time like this… Then again, you _are_ Zack Fair."

Zack laughs and kisses her.

* * *

Cloud pulls over in the next town, Ryiah still in tow. The two get off the bike.

"Good thinking, Cloud, they'll never find you here in the nearest town with your bike parked outside the hotel."

Cloud narrows his eyes at Ryiah. "Why are you here? Why are you abandoning the mission? Wait, how do I ever know you've abandoned the mission? You could still be after me!"

"Cloud...I'm not after you. Well, not in that sense. I...I made a mistake with Reno. It didn't work out at all before and I'm sorry it took me so long to remember why. But with you...we didn't even get started and...I guess seeing you again made me realize how wrong I was."

"I'm not going to be your second choice, Ryiah," Cloud replies. "You chose wrong, that's not my problem."

Ryiah crosses her arms. "Don't you dare reject me, Blondie."

"I'll tell you what. If you can catch me, I'll give you another chance."

"Catch you-"

Before she can react, he kisses her, and jumps on his bike, zipping off.

"Cloud! I will catch you! Just you wait! You will be my abandoned puppy that I mold and shape into the perfect obedient dog!" She smiles to herself as she brings her phone to her ear. "Tseng, baby? Yes, I need a helicopter."

* * *

Sitting on a throne of flames, Tsiang smiles evilly. "I've completed my training, Ryiah. Now it's my turn to give you a little taste of _my _training."

He throws his head back and laughs. Suddenly Valentine turns on the light in the room, illuminating Tsiang sitting in front of a gas fireplace controlled by a remote.

"What are you doing?" he asks the young Turk.

"I...uh...I found that floppy player you were looking for," little Tsiang replies, holding it out. "Don't tell anyone what you just saw."

"Finally." Valentine pulls the floppy out from his pocket and puts it in the player.

He turns off the light and exits the room, leaving Tsiang to do...whatever it is he's doing.

* * *

THE END

* * *

_A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading this sequel. We hope you enjoyed it!_


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